Underneath my smile and work effort, I am lost.
I am broken.
I am restricted.
I am soft spoken,
Unheard
When I try to express my feelings about something I love or hate
I am ridiculed
I am yelled at
I do everything I can to please others, but I get no appreciation and love
in return
I feel I am a worthless person
I feel I am stupid and uncool
I am used, then thrown away

Activists, artists, actors, singers, poets, slaves, soldiers are not recognized until they're dead
That's why we have history books
To tell the story of others, who had no voice
Even those who tried to speak up and were silenced

I wondered if I died, would anyone notice?
My mother would miss me, but that is all.
No one can possibly love me as unconditionally as my mother.
Other than having her in my life
     I am alone.
I think about ending my life everyday.
I am not a violent person, but I want to end the pain.
Then I think about my father, who died by suicide
I was so angry with him when he did it, but now I truly get it
I truly know how it feels for your chest to hurt,
     for your pillow to be wet with tears from sleepless nights, where all you did was cry
     and to have no motivation, no drive
     There is no end goal Nothing to look forward to
I wish he knew how much I love him and how much I miss him
I wish he knew that I understand his pain
He is the past tense and I am today
Living, but not thriving
Dreading the nights
When I'm in the darkness and alone
I usually can't sleep, but when I do,
     I am truly at peace
When morning comes
The sun shines through the window
I am relived
I go about my day, my routine
Every night I feel a grave sadness
The cycle repeats 

I am
Love
Light
I go through life unacknowledged, unrecognized
I am the flickering candle          
       about to burn out,        
     about to **** the flame,
about to die

Insecurity
In a world full of ugliness, lies, and deceit.
From my mother's mouth "I hate you." "You're the devil." "You're flat chested.""You're a *****.""You're fat."
From the beautiful, voluptuous, intelligent girls, I compare myself to
From my ex-boyfriends, who made jokes about my body

I'll never be good enough, because society has a distorted view of how we should look, act, think, and feel.

Social media has plagued our minds with irrelevant garbage and has provided a stage for public degradation.
We are victims to its unexplainable gander.

With such a heavy influence on appearance, people everywhere are striving to look like celebrities.

With the promotion of insecurity, loving yourself is one of the hardest challenges to conquer.

Telling yourself "I'm worthy," is inconceivable.

We consume ourselves with obsessions, making confidence unachievable.

It's an endless cycle of demeaning others to make ourselves feel adequate.

We can also choose to cope with self harm or suicide.

The utterance, "No one can save you, but yourself."

Very few people reap positivity.
Very few people will encourage you.

Dehumanizing you
Humiliating you
Degrading you

Try not to feel angry,
Try not to feel depressed.

Maybe one day we'll overcome this, but self-loathing is what we do best.

I am laying in a pasture of tall grass and wild flowers
There you are, another dreamer, lying beside me
Soon after, I lay enveloped in your arms
We watch the majestic animals grazing and the ever illuminating stars
Mesmerized with the vibrant colors in your eyes
You stare into mine before you kiss me
I am so alive, as if I've been revived
By the alluring beauty of this bliss
Unfortunately, it has gone amiss
I have awoken from this serenity that only exists in my dreams.

Something's missing  
Some sort of void that can not be filled
What's wrong?
What's bothering me?

It's you, daddy
I miss you
Your laugh
Your warm embrace
Your smiling face
The language you created that few can understand
Your heart of gold
The many memories that I hoped would never end

It is no more
You promised you would never leave me
But you're gone
Nothing remains
Except me,
A carbon copy of you

Come back
Why did you go?
I'm so alone

Something is missing,
That something is you
There is apart of me that is so empty

I'm just a shell of a human being.

Melt my memories
Let's transcend time
Never forget history
If only I could escape this pain
Bring me back to this harsh reality
Help me to overcome this misery
Why can't it be you and me forever?
I wish we had spent more time together
Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me
I would give anything to see your youthful face  
There is no trace
I'm so blue without you in my life
I sing myself a lullaby
Good-bye
I guess this is good-bye

I try to be a good person, but I'm really just a ****-up
You read it right
I unintentionally sabotage everything
Everything important
Everything sacred
Everything real
Yup that's me
The person who always says the wrong things
Does the wrong things
Some self loathing
Maybe a little punishment
Then everything will be ok
But I'm just a ****-up and that'll never change

*****
Not literally or physically
You stripped me of my emotions, as if I am dead
Surviving, but not thriving
You made me feel worthless
You haunt me, as your dark image stays imprinted in my mind
Oh, Blue Valentine

The dreadful words I've heard makes my heart ache.
I tried to block them out of my head.
The words chose to stay long and not leave instead.
I feel deep inside me I might just break.
Words spoken are not thought of as a mistake.
Evil words pierce my soul and I feel dead.
Though, my heart is still beating strong and red.
I wish the words would go away for God's sake.
The devil's words I heard, I still hear today.
Afraid, I sit alone in sorrow.
There's no remorse for what's being said.
I can only hope for a better tomorrow.
I wish I could stop the spiteful words from coming, I wish they wouldn't start.
The words I've heard, have scarred my heart.

Excite me, entice me, surprise me
Stop the clock
Let's travel to the past when we were young and dumb
I see the person you really are, but do you see me?
Let's trace our veins until we reach our hearts
Why are we so broken and soft-spoken now?
Yet we were once so pure and free.
Excite me, entice me, surprise me