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Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
a sober rooftop and the city skyline

I hope to never feel this view again
twilight drifting overhead inevitable
still not enough space to hold this heartache
   not enough space to capture this silence
I saw the city collapse in mere seconds
bulldozed by a swift five words
then the silence...

                              ...the silence was an eternity
by the time I responded
  you were gone
  along with everything we ever built
only the stars and I remained
but there was nothing left to wish for
nothing
     but a stiff drink
This is fictional
  Jul 2014 Taru Marcellus
Shelley
He perches on his black-crate bandstand,
stationed between the payphone and postbox.
The view from his seat never varies:
a restless audience of briefcases and knees.

He closes his eyes, concentrating
on breath becoming buzz becoming blare,
and he pictures his notes glossing Manhattan’s
thunder-colored walls.

Each tone fills the pavement, square by square
until the sidewalk is a harlequin filmstrip,
colored by notes coaxed from his brass mouth.

Passersby withhold their gaze, because giving a nod
obliges giving a dollar, and no one is inclined
to employ this trumpeter. But he pays no mind;
his own eyes secured until song’s end.

As long as his fingers are jumping,
he doesn’t have to be Gerard Wall–
who lost his wife to cancer and mind to the War;
he can be Louis, Miles, or Pinetop Smith.

When he looks up once again,
sun and spirit have faded,
and he watches the evening embers
drift out of his horn.
Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
when you're on your last drink:
   find a crowded bar
   with a dark corner
   on the upper level
          and seep into the wood
          like the spirits
          you swear are consoling you
Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
we are the average of every single moment

We are the sum of every single average

We can be great

if We do the math right
  Jul 2014 Taru Marcellus
labyrinths
if i had an eternity
i wouldn't apologize for the things i said
but things i didn't say
because silence kills more than words

and isn't it funny
how jesus is in our hearts
but god can't stop the suffering

every atheist
has been an agnostic
and i am on my knees asking
for god to take me
instead of that seven year old boy

but god takes him instead of me
and the last thing he said to me was
"i want to be an astronaut"

and i suppose
none of it really matters
because the seven year old me
wanted to be a veterinarian

but the seventeen year old me
just wanted to make it through the day

i'm wondering
if the seven year old inside of me
is still alive

or maybe god had taken her too

someone once told me
that there's a kid inside all of us

i think
mine is trapped in my rib cage
my bones are the cell
and my veins are the noose
that threatens to take her life
if she acts up

and maybe
i am the warden
of this prison

the cigarettes and the blades
are what's keeping me in power

i want to throw them out
if not for me but for her

every agnostic
has been an atheist
and i am lying in my bed telling
the seven year old girl inside of me
that she can come out now
Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
stir
stir vigorously
stir until the handle knows it's purpose
feels vs knows... which works better?
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