#mixedemotions
I miss you
But do I really miss you
Or do I miss the warmth you gave off as you held me
Is it that I miss being able to call someone mine
Is it that I miss always being able to rely on someone
Maybe I do miss you though
My heart still stings a bit when I see you talking to other girls
I still check your stories when I have extra time on my hands
However, I don’t really want you anymore
You betrayed me worse than anyone else and I haven’t forgotten
I still hope that you’re doing fine though
I miss you
Sep 9, 2021
Sep 9, 2021 at 2:05 PM UTC
I know I shouldn’t
But I can’t fight the urge
I miss you
My feelings overwhelm me
Im about to send the message
Then erase it all
I know i can’t
But it’s so hard
You’re the only person i feel this way for
My comfort is you
I won’t
But my emotions are drowning me
I need to release
I send the message
I feel Better
But i wonder if it’s the right decision
You don’t respond till later
I couldn’t help it
I needed you
I miss you .
-n.y.g
Mar 1, 2020
Mar 1, 2020 at 3:58 AM UTC
I'm angry
I'm a cause for concern
I'm smiling and you think I'm fine
I'm quiet and moody
Next, I'm laughing like crazy
like a baby chick about to hatch, I'm curled up inside
Waiting to be someone's baby, not someone's maybe
May 2, 2019
May 2, 2019 at 9:23 AM UTC
Today my bus was a little late
So 27, 71, and 42 arrived all at the same time;
Mine, my best friend's, and then "Sleazy's" as we call him
My best friend wandered off and returned
Only to sit in the bay window two windows away,
And ****** greeted me for the first time ever,
He walked up to me, greeting me with a sincere smile
Something he's never done before
Another friend standing by told me something,
She told me he had his signature blank expression as he walked up to me
How she gave him a nod as in a "What's up" motion
To which he replied back, emotionless
But when I turned to him and my eyes met his
His face light up;
He smiled and seemed glad that I was there
****** didn't worry about my best friend who he claims loves so deeply
Soon our trio was roaming the halls together
Though, not long after we set off he said that we need to talk later
In that serious tone he used with my best friend when they were off and on
What are you thinking?
What are you planning?
Why did you smile?
Does it mean anything?
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 8:25 AM UTC
Love is a phenomenon
Not dissimilar to gravity
Like an ignoramus
The stoic heart denies it
Until it falls.
Mar 26, 2019
Mar 26, 2019 at 4:14 PM UTC
In the couple of days
I didn't know what to feel
I can't think any other ways
If all of this is real
Just ignore the emptiness I feel
Just going to tell myself this isn't real
My heart breaks because of you
Just gonna wait for you to say ''I love you''
Jul 1, 2018
Jul 1, 2018 at 1:29 PM UTC
One, two, three, four, five.
I just want to feel alive,
But can't wait to die.
Jun 10, 2018
Jun 10, 2018 at 9:40 PM UTC
One heart
The only heart I’ve truly seen
I didn’t pick up no traces of a reoccurring scene
I’ve never loved the same no it wasn’t the same as it would normally be
Visions of the flashbacks
Taking you here with me
One heart yet you captured mine
Such a beauty you have became over time
Your that shadow, the overseer in my heart
The reason I’ve been pulled so apart but remain so strong for so long
I can’t imagine it being another love
No it’s impossible
You can only run into a few good hearts
The ones that love so deeply but acared to get torn apart
There’s no other feeling then when you here
There’s no way I would risk it all again
Unless I had another chance to where I begin
I couldn’t imagine settling
It just seemed so early
But awoke went heart and it stayed so steadily
2-3 years maybe even more
I’m so sick of being sick, the things I’ve always seemed to adore
My mind took control and had me wanting more
Wanting more than I could handle
It just felt like it was worth the risk
2years later did I ever imagine this
How does one seem to exist
How does one go to fix
Something I questioned over so many years
1 heart but so many emotions I missed
The reason I never received another kiss
1 Heart, 1 love is what it is...
Feb 12, 2018
Feb 12, 2018 at 8:32 AM UTC
Dead during the day
Alive at night
Do you want to fight?
Na, that's alright
Someone's calling me
I'll be right back
Another head attack
Another case to be cracked
Collect all the pieces
but there is no glue
What the *** am I supposed to do?
What the *** am I supposed to do?
Ahem, Ahem
Clean up on aisle four
We may have to close the store
but you know you puppets will come back for more
Thank you,
come again
maybe one day,
we can be friends :)
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 1:01 PM UTC
See us
"Where?"
In your gallery
Because that's where we can deceive the eyes of others into thinking we are one- a couple,
I like the idea at the same time I hate the nightmare called reality,
The dream I had will only be a dream, what hope has it to be real?
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 5:21 AM UTC
Given all the thousands of reasons
Think about all the things in life
Your words were made
Life is full of emotions
No matter what new trick he tried
Our days were numbered
I was your summer
Are my eyes growing weary?
My echo
I close my eyes and go to my happy place
Life can be a holocaust
Please don't ask
I really miss you
I stay hidden away from the world
I just feel so alone
When I'm sad
Jul 21, 2016
Jul 21, 2016 at 3:30 PM UTC
Now let's go back, back to reality we fell for each other but there was no gravity to hold us, but I caught you, held you tight with all my might even though we were crash landing, I loved the flight, I would do it all again start from the beginning where we were just friends
I would go through the all pain I endured when you walked away just for a moment in my arms where you would lay because time with you always took my breath away
Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 7:11 PM UTC
Melodies once created my identity,
an addiction-driven crisis mixed with anxiety and loneliness,
I longed for love yet my ears tuned into hardship.
Melodies once molded my identity,
a clean and pure existence mixed with clarity and acceptance,
I longed for love yet my ears tuned into freedom.
Melodies once saved my soul,
a newly-formed identity mixed with a fresh conscience and patched relations,
I live with love for now my ears are satisfied with my lover's melodies.
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC
I like the way a cigarette hangs
Out his mouth
Crooked
Like his smile
I like the way
His shoulders hang
And also
I like his hands
That knows a woman’s body
But mostly I like
That his eyes
Likes me
Though not me
But my body
And though I don’t like
Being objectified
I like
That he likes me tonight
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 5:45 AM UTC
SO thanks to that ******* groundhog we have six more weeks of winter.
SO I'm really hoping once spring and summer get here I'll be back to my normal self again.
NO more love sickness
NO more broken hearts
NO more Sheded Tears
NO more False hopes
NO moreI love you's
NO moreBeing a Love Sick Puppy
SO Hopefully after this winter I'll be over my emotions and back to my ***Old, empty, tired, worthless, isolated, not giving a **** what you say or think about me self again.***
I won't have a guy that makes me feel like I need to look pretty because ***I won't give a ****
I won't have a guy that makes me feel like I'm not deserving of his love or attention Because guess what? Oh that's right...
***I won't give a ****
SO naturally I have some Season Hope in me.
Feb 14, 2015
Feb 14, 2015 at 2:46 PM UTC
So maybe I've broken you,
And baby I'm sorry,
But honey I couldn't continue,
With the lies I told myself,
Because it wasn't fair to you,
Or to anybody else.
And maybe I should focus on,
The pain that I was feeling,
Or the things I'm struggling on.
It wasn't easy for me either,
But I couldn't just go on,
With trying to convince myself.
And really, I was in denial.
"You love her, you're crazy.
Just walk the line single-file"
When really, the love I held for you,
Was different, by a mile.
But really it wasn't that either.
At one point what I thought I felt, I did.
I used to really feel,
I fell head over heals for you I swear I did.
But It left,
Like a dead-beat dad leaves their kid.
And I'm sorry for that.
And so maybe I've broken you,
And baby I know I'm sorry.
But truly I'm broken, too,
And I have no right to be.
Because baby I've really broken you,
And it's broken me to know it was me who hurt you.
Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 10:37 PM UTC
Life on earth seems like heaven and hell
Some days my body glows,
my mind soars and love seeps into my soul
that's when I know heaven knows
Heaven knows I'm here and He knows I'm depressed
so he put light in my life to release all this stress
Somedays I feel like I'm floating and the weight is lifted off my shoulder
No more cursing at the world or having hatred spew in my words because the Lord is my beholder
I look up at the sky and the rain clouds have dispersed
I smile but this time it's not fake or rehearsed
I stare at the sky and I actually see the
stars and nightfall
doesn't equate darkness instead it lifts me up and catches me before I fall
Those are the days that are heaven
Other days it feels like hell
My hands can't carry all my baggage and there isn't anyone I can tell
No one I can call on to help
so instead I fight to lose then cry until the pain is no longer felt
My eyes burn red and the tears don't put out the fire but makes the flames more furious
That's when I know the devil knows and
he drags me along showing me that life is third degree burns to the soul that'll
make me delirious
Other days its completely
pitch black
No walls no floors no ceilings just me all alone with the devil and no one and nothing to have my back
The feeling of emptiness but intense pain consumes my being and makes me
sorrow
Eventually i become numb... but still
I hope there isn't a tomorrow
Sep 26, 2014
Sep 26, 2014 at 12:21 PM UTC
You are the unbearable sort of thing that I wouldn’t want to wear on my feet, even with boots laced up to the knees, because wearing you would force me to cover my polka-dotted toes,
And anyone who would want to compromise my innocence like that is horribly patterned and dull,
Like the lone argyle sock with the tag still attached that I hate, gathering dust on that shelf in the rain, where the rest of my unwelcome thoughts have found place
The ones that can’t cover my insecurities
Or don’t flatter my figure at all
There’s an obvious scab on my ankle that won’t heal
Embarrassing, really
It came from my unwavering faith in open-toed stilettos
You saw it just the other day
And I blushed as I tried to pull my pant leg over the sore, but you knew (I think)
Oh, the puzzling urge I have to be made over by the brains of your outfits!
So I can open a closet of conversation topics that would suit both of us just fine
I think
I have shed 18 years of ideas in the past two weeks
I starved myself until I could fit into the apparel of your approval
Which I claw through my closets but still cannot find
But I know that somewhere in my brain beneath an empty toilet paper roll or stuck on a dead branch of ideas is a match to your unbearable pattern-
Perhaps if I’d kept my opinions more alphabetized, I would’ve found it sooner
Blast, my scattered brain that can’t seem to produce any fashion but faux pas for you
Logic and emotion were never meant to mix like this- trust me, I know well
Give me a summer to rearrange myself, hmm?
Or will I have no use of you then…
If only I’d started to realize sooner
We’d be peeling oranges and discussing the oldest styles of thought, you and I
Beneath an umbrella in the rain
You wouldn’t be able to see that odd scab on my ankle
Because I would have the other lone argyle sock with the tag still attached that I hate-
I feel that perhaps
you are only unbearable because I wish you complimented me better, that perhaps the reason I’m starving myself of all reason is because I’d like nothing more than to openly say
that I hate you, my lone, little argyle sock
but that is only
because right now, I could never possibly hope to wear you
Jan 4, 2013
Jan 4, 2013 at 4:48 AM UTC
and maybe ill go back and rethink every heart wrenching decision that ever came across my mind
anything that ever affected me in any way that made me change my thinking
when im wrong and i cant handle it
when i sit in complete darkness and thing about you
but i think about the comfort that im not feeling with you here
im thinking about if you were to be here and them comfort i still wouldn't feel and how that would make me cringe and cry and never want you and make me need you and realize that the things that i want aren't the things i need
its a change in the security of the things of need
a thing in the displacement of the things i need to feel that void in my heart
its like waking up and needing you by my side but when i see you there i realize that i just wanted that physical aspect of seeing your face to fill the void of everything i couldn't handle
not the meaning inside of myself not knowing what i want right when i want it
its the simple thing as if not having you there is enough
its the self reliance i need to feel to make sure that me, myself is good enough with having enough comfort in myself to know how to handle situations alone
being alone and knowing how to handle things alone without needing you by my side
mentally, and emotionally
and ill look you in the eyes
and tell you that i need you
and look in the mirror
and stare at my reflection
in realization that i've needed myself a lot more all along
and you can ask how im going to be without you
and i have a good sense that ill be fine
until you find someone else to write about and call mine
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 2:11 AM UTC