i don't wanna fall in love.
i don't want to completely give every part of myself to someone
i don't want to share myself
my every achin need with someone else
call me selfish
call me scared
call me relentlesss
call me daring
call me afraid
call me all of the things you were afraid to say
i was the girl in the background
the dark alley
looking at you with her
cuddled up in the corner with your tounge down her throat and her feverishly keeping up to beat
wondering how she could give herself to someone like that
wondering what compelled her to want to make her lips touh yours
was it lust?
was it love?
was it something that you could get back as often as you gave it out.
little did i know that things i'd find out sooner tha later
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 2:53 AM UTC
Just one bat of her lashes, and every neuron in my brain was conspiring to steal her heart. So I became a thief. I become a lot of things in an instant, the way a chameleon changes colors. Her heart was reduced to a jewel, courting became a heist, and possession was just the *** afterwards. She was nothing more than a crime. A terrible thing that I committed.
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 1:23 AM UTC
make me sure of myself.
make this feeling go away.
make me wanna love myself
cant keep doing this
these feeling's keep resurfacing and not facing them is making situations to much to handles
i start to feel the veins popping out of my hands again
like dehydration
but its not the lack of water/
its the lack of me, myself, of self reassurance
May 17, 2014
May 17, 2014 at 1:35 AM UTC
and maybe ill go back and rethink every heart wrenching decision that ever came across my mind
anything that ever affected me in any way that made me change my thinking
when im wrong and i cant handle it
when i sit in complete darkness and thing about you
but i think about the comfort that im not feeling with you here
im thinking about if you were to be here and them comfort i still wouldn't feel and how that would make me cringe and cry and never want you and make me need you and realize that the things that i want aren't the things i need
its a change in the security of the things of need
a thing in the displacement of the things i need to feel that void in my heart
its like waking up and needing you by my side but when i see you there i realize that i just wanted that physical aspect of seeing your face to fill the void of everything i couldn't handle
not the meaning inside of myself not knowing what i want right when i want it
its the simple thing as if not having you there is enough
its the self reliance i need to feel to make sure that me, myself is good enough with having enough comfort in myself to know how to handle situations alone
being alone and knowing how to handle things alone without needing you by my side
mentally, and emotionally
and ill look you in the eyes
and tell you that i need you
and look in the mirror
and stare at my reflection
in realization that i've needed myself a lot more all along
and you can ask how im going to be without you
and i have a good sense that ill be fine
until you find someone else to write about and call mine
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 2:11 AM UTC
he said
"tell me how you feel,
really feel, not the ******** you tell them, "your friends",
tell me whats really on your mind and why you're really like this,
why you have tears running down you face and when i slightly make a joke the tears seem to go away but as soon as i walk away
I KNOW
they'll come right back, just worse than before,
tell me why you seem to lose it around everyone when you can't handle what's really going on,
tell me why when i see the smile on your face and you look down, i can see the pain you're hiding,
tell me WHY you dragged me here to listen to you sob and tell me everything's alright, when i know its not"
Nov 4, 2013
Nov 4, 2013 at 10:25 PM UTC
my path to self destruction
not going to start this off as a nostalgic way of telling you a sappy sad story of how i wasn't this way and how one event,
something,
led up to me feeling this way,
although maybe,
in the slightest way that'd help YOU'D understand,
it doesn't help the inner part in me that needs to get these raging,
burning,
thoughts out of her head, MY HEAD
the way i think about things now,
the way my mind rejects anything that's primarily anything that's somewhat,
the least bit good, and not the goodness as in the laughter that can brighten your mood,
but the outcast feeling,
the feeling of always being isolated,
of knowing that you'll never really have anyone to count on,
that no one will ever really be listening to what you're saying because no one really has the time to dig down deep into your mind,
to understand what you're really thinking,
and those people that have been there, they know,
they sense what you're going through, and they want to help,
they want to tell you it'll be okay,
but how the **** are you going to sit and tell me, someone who's going through the exact same things as you that its going to be okay when you're at rock bottom just like me
when you want to burn your feelings and make them drown, and choke like you're doing everyday with the thoughts that haunt you,
that cloud your mind with thoughts that are so dark you have to close your eyes, and shut the darkness out so it doesn't affect you in the way it normally does,
the way you're used to,
so you're forced to find another way to make a gateway for the pain to escape
you will never be able to
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 7:09 AM UTC
TYPE
the importance of what you like and don't in a relationship
the things that can make it or break it for you
the things that mean more to you than the actual personality or the traits the person you closet admire might have
the things you don't notice because you're lost looking into their eyes
your captured by their individual words, coming together, one by one
taken by the way they say things
captivated by the way they think, and how they can make you think the same things just by re-wording their words into yours
something i, personally like
when someone can take words, my own therefore
and transform them into something that'll make me want to agree with WHATEVER they're saying
but not only want to agree
but want to fall in love with their words BECAUSE they make my words combine with theirs to form a transparent kind of love
a combined love with words separated and put back together based on view
The way of thinking and the way your mindset is connected
how its combined and you almost think the same and say the same things
repeat it after, and time again,
share the same thoughts
you're both on that level of common interest
common ground
interested in each other and each others self values as much as personal value
Oct 4, 2013
Oct 4, 2013 at 12:13 AM UTC
every action has an equal and opposite reaction
love and hate
joy
disgrace
Oct 3, 2013
Oct 3, 2013 at 11:51 PM UTC
its was looming
a thing in my mind
a reality that was an actuality to the reasoning behind so many things i've always doubted
the baseline of all the problems i've encountered
the things i could never figure out but along the way i saw signs
a light there and a movement here
a way of telling me that everything was happening for a reason
but im stubborn
and not to good with cliches
knowing the fact between my decision making and how i could fix anything gave me the impression that i was in control of my life
in control of me well being
in constant dis pare of what i was doing
was always hard to understand how i could control how i think
but always so hard to figure out why i am always so sad
not like im asking for the sadness to sweep through my body
don't want to think the worst and always have the worst intentions in mind
a memory
a flash
of something ive never known
had me going back and considering the things ive always once wanted
going back to the beginning of how i managed to come across my possibilities at one point
and how i got so far away from what i really wanted in the beginning
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 3:40 AM UTC