long before the world placed you in my arms,
you lived in me.
i felt you in the silent ache of lonely nights,
in the soft wish i whispered to the stars.
i carried you in the deepest part of me,
where love was not found but formed.
i have seen you before,
in trembling hands that reached for love but closed into fists,
in the doe eyes that never cried,
‘cause tears were a door never safe to open.
i have seen you in Ray.
in little Molly,
in the girl i once was.
in that moment, i made a pinky promise:
“no child of mine,
no child under my sky,
will ever have to do tea parties alone.”
you will not do 200 ballet pliés to quiet your sadness.
nor stand at the edge of love
wondering if it will stay.
you will not be asked to trade your tears for perfect grades
or a quiet, collected face
when all you ever needed was to be held.
because i will hold you.
i will teach you to dance, to loosen up, & to let go.
and even if my hands falter, i will always take you spinning on the giant teacup rides,
through every storm, every silence & every trembling night.
i will be the arms that never let go of you.
the heart that never goes numb.
the home that stands unshaken,
even when the world forgets to be kind to you.
and if the world asks,
where did i find you?
i will press a kiss to your hair, smile and say,
“this kind of love isn’t found.
but always meant.”
you were always mine.
you were always coming home,
for the day i was born & so were you.
some loves begin long before they have a name. before they have a face. before the world even knows they exist. this poem is about that kind of love.
i have carried it within me since i was a child. before i even understood what it meant to be a mother. in the quite lonely nights. in the softest wish that i whispered to the stars. in the longing to hold someone the way i once wished to be held.
when i watched a movie called uptown girls, i realized that a mother’s love isn’t just born the day her child is placed in her arms. it is shaped long before that moment, stiched into her heart through every pain, every promise, every piece of love she had to give before she even knew who it was meant for.
this poem is that promise. it is a love letter to a child i’ve never met but have always known.
