I changed my ring tone today. I couldn't hear it go off without wishing it was you. It's never you.
I replaced the picture of us at the ocean with a picture of me and my dad from father's day. We looked so happy at the beach but my dad taught me that the ocean seems calm but it can be dangerous if you lose yourself a little. You're kind of like the ocean.
I saw your friend at the mall today. He told me you are doing well in New York. I hope when you see the city lights at night you remember how much I loved them.
The clock you bought me for Christmas stopped ticking last night.  I think time sort of stopped when you left.

Baby, if you're going to explode like a million fireworks over the river I want to be there to feel like light and if you're going to crash on the pavement like the hail from last night's storm then put my right in the center to feel them hitting my shoulders because I want to bare the weight of the world for you when you get a little tired and I want to be there when things go so well that you have a little extra sparkle to give away, so baby, let me be there for you in rain or shine, I promise I won't let you down.

It wasn't until my knees were bruised and my knuckles ****** that I learned why you're not allowed to give yourself away to other people. I became part leap and part fall for you but it didn't matter in the end because I ended up a shattered mess at the bottom of the high and now I know that if you're going to love someone it might as well be yourself.

I changed my ring tone today. I couldn't hear it go off without wishing it was you. It's never you.
I replaced the picture of us at the ocean with a picture of me and my dad from father's day. We looked so happy at the beach but my dad taught me that the ocean seems calm but it can be dangerous if you lose yourself a little. You're kind of like the ocean.
I saw your friend at the mall today. He told me you are doing well in New York. I hope when you see the city lights at night you remember how much I loved them.
The clock you bought me for Christmas stopped ticking last night.  I think time sort of stopped when you left.

I'm tired of sleepless nights and stalemates. I want to say goodnight this time, to be happy when I close my eyes. I don't want to wonder if we'll be okay when the sun rises and I don't want to cry when you feel like you're on the other side of the world and the sun is shining only for you a million miles away. I want to feel whole and I want to feel your hands in mine. I want too much and that has always been my downfall, but this time I just want the basic necessities of you and me.

I love you too, but I feel nauseous every time you touch my knee.
I love you too, but when you kiss me on the forehead it throws me into a panic attack.
I love you too, but when you hold my hand I can't breathe and I feel sick.
I love you too, but your words make my head spin and I feel dizzy.
I love you too, but where do I go from here?

How did we go from holding hands and kissing in the rain to me feeling nauseous every time you put your hand on my hip or kiss my forehead? How did we go from texting all night to one sided conversations where you beg me to respond? How am I supposed to fall back in your arms at night and not break down into a sobbing mess? Where do we go from here?

"Some people will burn you when they touch you, baby girl. Some people's hands are on fire and when they grab your hand it might feel exciting, but you're going to walk out with third degree burns and scars that will make you cry every time you see them and remember how much you used to love the danger. Some peoples hands are so cold that when you grab their hand in a spur of the moment kind of thing,  they're going to turn you to ice and there's nothing you'll be able to do. Watch out for those people, pumpkin, some of those people have too much fight and some have too much ice in their heart and you're not capable of bringing them back to room temperature."
-my dad warned me about the fire in your touch and the ice in your soul but I thought maybe I could fix you

"The thing about you, your sister, and I, is that if someone tells us to go, they won't have to say it again," my mom told me on a six hour roadtrip. I understood what it meant, but it never fully hit me until you whispered to me, "why don't you just go?" And I've never been back since.

You can be friends with people your whole life and then wake up one day and realize that you need to move on. If you're sitting at lunch with them and you feel like you don't fit it, you're allowed to sit somewhere else.

2. Loving someone and loving the attention they give you are two completely different things. You don't love that boy who sits behind you in math, you just love that he calls you pretty. It's okay to want to be called that, but learn who will be there for you in the middle of the night when you feel sick to your stomach because your friends decided to make plans without you.

3. Your mom is right. Whether it be about going to bed before two in the morning on a school night or that senior boy with the really good hair at all the parties with a red solo cup in his hand, she's right. You're not going to listen to her at first, but when you come home a sleep-deprived mess with a broken heart, she'll be there to pick up the pieces.

4. Your grades are important. No, you shouldn't stay up all night and slave over your algebra homework, but try and do good, even when everything's a mess.

5. People will tell you, "please don't ever change!" Don't listen to them. Change a million times, change every day, every hour, every minute. Change for the better, grow to be a bigger and stronger person. Don't listen to anyone who wants you to be stationary, they're holding you back.

6. It's okay to fall apart every once in a while. Don't think you have to have it all together, you've got so much time to figure all of that out. If you need to cry a little bit, that's okay, and if you need to scream into your pillow, that's alright too. It'll all be okay in the end.

7. You're going to learn that people aren't going to take you seriously. That's okay, work hard to prove them wrong.

8. You're still a child, please don't make a huge fuss over it when people call you one. You don't have much longer and you're really going to miss when your mom would make you dinner and your dad paid for your phone bill. You don't have that many responsibilities and you have so much potential still. Be a child and be okay with it.

9. Don't litter your body with drugs and alcohol because the cute older boy does and you want to fit in with his crowd. Stand out on your own and they'll notice you for things you can be proud of.

10. They're not staring at you. They're not laughing at you. Keep walking with your head up, just because you think that your hair is too big today or your clothes don't fit right doesn't mean anyone else notices. Keep walking.