****** fists rest at our sides
we're too exhausted from this fight
to finish it at all
We'd leave now if we could
pack up our bags and try again another time
but timing was never our thing,
and I can hear the clock

ticking
tocking
ticking
tocking

****** fists carry us home
And they sting so strong but we don't say a word
because our ears won't stop ringiby
screaming a high pitched laugh
mocking us

Ha
ha
Ha
ha

****** fists can't carry us anymore

It took me almost eighteen years to learn that you don't have to quit breathing to be dead, to be gone.

It comes and goes in waves, sometimes like a hurricane, and when it's crashing on the shore it's almost as if it's crashing into me, destroying all the walls I built to keep myself safe, to keep myself sane.

I've been dead for a while now, and you cry at night because you don't know how to fix me, and I don't cry anymore because I know there's no use.

I'm sorry that I gave up on myself, and I'm sorry you haven't learned that it's easier to let someone die than to try and revive a ghost.

How do you fight a war when you know that nobody is going to come out a winner?
We both have blood on our palms and wounds in our hearts.
We're both so **** tired now,
it's been months of back and forth,
fake smiles and quick kisses,
But we both already know that we lost it long ago,
we're just fighting for the sake of the fight.
We're too far gone to save, but none of us will raise our little white flag.

I thought you were everything to me. I now understand that I was wrong.

2. I thought hearing you say "goodbye" would cause my lungs to collapse, and my last breathe would feel like our last kiss, but you said goodbye and I smiled and waved, and our last kiss was nothing more than a peck on the cheek.

3. "I'll always be here for you" turned out to be a lie and I guess I should have seen that one coming, because I don't remember you saying one truthful thing, but for now I'm grateful that you hold the honesty of a snake because I'm the prey who got away.

4. I don't cry on the bathroom floor like I did when we were together. I guess I always assumed you were the medicine the doctors give you to calm you down, but now I see that you were the poison I was trying to escape.

5. I was never very good at following my instinct.

6. I'm not sad anymore.

You talk like you know what you've been saying, but I have seen that twisted smile before and I know you're lying through your teeth. You're lungs must be rotten by now, considering how many ***** breathes you take, but I must admit, you do impress me. I watch you walk across the room with such bravery, as if nothing, no man or woman with iron eyes and steady breathes could take you down, and I know it's all forced, but you make it look so natural. It all comes back to me like a wave crashing on the shore; I know we've been here before but it feels so new this time around. Your tiny whispers crawling up my spine in the middle of the night suffocate me suddenly, and in the middle of this room I can hardly breathe. It's been so long since we talked, but you're a snake and you've been in all my dreams.

It's when everything aches
that you realize you've been lying
when you said that you were steel,
when you said you couldn't break,
because now you're lying on the kitchen floor, shattered like the plate you threw
out of frustration, and you've been crying so loud that you're neighbors are worried,
and the "I'm sorry" you sent in the mail can only go so far, because a bandaid can't fix me anymore.

I can feel myself losing air
because the water is filling my lungs
and I can see the shore
but it's so far away
and the anchor around my waist
is pulling me farther away
than I want to be
and I can't breathe anymore
I told you the first night
that you'd be the death of me

I spent six months trying to wash you out of my system, knowing all too well that it'd take more than three shots of ***** and a few walks down my street to forget how you used to grab my waist and kiss my forehead.

I spent 26 weeks wondering how you're doing, wondering where you went, wondering why I wasn't good enough to come with you. 26 weeks locked in a prison,  with my heart in a cage beneath my ribs, dying to be anyone else, anywhere else, if it meant I didn't have to think about you.

I spent 182 days crying on the bathroom floor, ignoring all the times my mom told me that it would get better, because the only way I could be better was with you next to me. 182 days wishing she'd be right.

I spent 4,368 hours untying the knots you left around my heart, trying to untangle myself from you, but it was of no use, because after 4,368 days, you called me and I found myself in a tangled mess at your feet, eager to wrap around you again.

I spent 262,080 minutes rotting in the shell of my body because you threw me out one day. 262,080 minutes, crumbling in on myself, because you said that you didn't love me anymore, after I carved out my insides to make room for the broken boy down the street.

I spent 15,724,800 seconds waiting for the day that I could look in the mirror and not see the puffy eyes from last night's tears, the day that I could finally see myself again. 15,724,800 seconds, waiting for the day that I became whole again after giving myself away to a boy who didn't care.

But the worst part is, I'd spend the next six months waiting for you if you said you wanted me to.

Say you miss me
I'll watch you lie
Say you love me
I've got time
I've watched your skin crawl
enough times by now
to know that lies come easy
to know that you know how
so kiss me goodbye
but it won't be your last
you never leave
you've been stuck in the past
Your kiss is toxic
I learned that long ago
but I'm addicted to your drugs
And I won't ever let you go

Counting heartbeats
steady breathes
watch your pace
watch your step
one wrong turn
one false step
it's all over
you lost the bet
tear streaked cheeks
And a runny nose
you try to hide it
he already knows
Curl up small
He'll wrap you up
bury your face
"It's okay, love."