Do I love you or am I lonely?
Perhaps a little of both?
I think I was a little lonely when I decided to love you and then when I loved you I felt more alone than I'd ever been.
Why don't I just leave? Oh I don't know.
I don't think I could survive another fall.

What a bitter end it is to sit across from your lover and feel nothing but rage, knowing the feeling is mutual. You still mutter "I love you" and make out under city lights and hold hands as you walk but someone always squeezes a little too hard or bites a little aggressively or is a little too snappy to believe there's anything left. It's all a game and neither of us want to lose. Going down in flames is so much more satisfying than fading away.

I knew from the very first moment that you would break my heart. It was part of your charm, I thought I was ready to be broken again, mostly because I thought you would put me back together after. I should have known that people like you come in like a hurricane, leaving everything in ditty ruins.

I cant keep loving you because you tell me that you couldn't live without me and for a while I thought it was cute and romantic and flattering but now I realize that you have been asking me to carry us both and to save you from yourself but we both know I'm weak and tired and I could barely breathe on my own let alone for the both of us but I think you also know that I'd use my dying breath to give you CPR

we're okay
if you don't count the tears we cry that put us to sleep
or the scars our hearts are now harboring
or the empty promises of yesterday

and we're okay
if you don't look too closely into our eyes
or watch our lips quiver between words
or listen to our heavy breathes fill the spaces you should have been

and we're okay
if you don't ask us how we've been
or if we've been sleeping enough
or if we're still caught up on the little things you said to us in the middle of the night

I will not hear what you have to say
because what you have to say will never be as important as the way you made me feel

Weak
Weak
Weak

I will not hear what you have to say
because you are only allowed so many chances before your apologies wear out

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I will not  hear what you have to say
because I am only one person but I carry the weight of a million broken promises

I love you
I love you
I love you

I will not hear what you have to say
because there is a fine line between clever and abusive and you've crossed it so many times

Don't do this
Don't do this
Don't do this

I will not hear what you have to say
because I've realized that you're setting me on fire so you can be warm

I'm not yours
I'm not yours
I'm not yours

You used to love me
with such passion and intensity
and I thought it'd never end
but like summer turns to fall
we faded out and fell apart

I used to love you
so strongly and so boldly
and you thought it'd never end
but you didn't even notice
when the leaves fell from our trees

I loved you consistently
never failing to let you know
like the sun always knows to rise in the morning

I loved you recklessly
always putting you before myself
like your love was a drug and I was an addict

I loved you entirely
with every fiber of my being I loved you
like the ocean waves love the shore

I loved you
until I didn't

She's not there anymore
The girl who used to run up and down the streets in a yellow sundress on the hot days of summer

But shes not there anymore
She grew up to be a wild teenager who met boys at the town carnival on the fourth of July and would leave them with nothing but red lipstick smears

She's not there anymore,
she grew up to be a mother of five little boys and girls who adored her more than anything, who depended on her and learned from her

but she's not there anymore
the woman who laughed so loud and spoke so sweet, who cared more than you could ever imagine, whose smile lit up the room

She's not there anymore
She doesn't remember her grandchilds face or her home address
she doesn't remember her first daughters birthday or what she wore only a day before.

She's not there anymore
she cared so much but now she's just so scared
She lives in the body of that girl, but her mind is somewhere else.

It's Saturday night and you're not here,
do you remember the way we would listen to your favorite songs and talk about the moon?
it's Saturday night and you're not here,
do you remember all of the things we used to do?
It's Saturday night and you've been gone a while, but I can still feel your hand in mine.
it's Saturday night and you've been gone a while, and missing you is starting to feel like a crime.
It's Saturday night and I'm with a boy, and he's kissing my lips and he's had a few,
it's Saturday night and I wish he was you.