so you think you know me?
there are parts of me that even after all this time, i keep
not forgotten over this journey of days
tucked away, sometimes woven into the fabric of emotion and choices
never more important than now
in this struggle to get back
to find me, the whole of me

put it behind me? that’s your advice?
it is still my reality, it isn’t going anywhere


you really want to know me?
are you ready to see it all?
do you think you can deal
as the parts become unhinged and fall off
as i show you the parts of me you have never seen
the raw, the angry, the parts that make no sense
are you ready for that?

put it behind me? that’s your advice?
it is still my reality, it isn’t going anywhere


do you really want use the lens that filters the way i see the world now?
i think you should
then you will never say
put it behind you
you will honour this reality
holding my hand, holding the pen

know me

#thisjourneyofdays

crystalline eternal facade
forever
clean and bright
radiant
pure

did you not hear the silence as you approached
overcome with reverence and awed by the light?

siren’s call
drier than barren
caustic
deadly

did you not hear the silence as you approached
overcome with reverence and awed by the light?


the crust won’t hold your weight
reality breaks you will be sinking into the mire of
lies and confusion
stink of rot...decay smothering your
life
person
essence
soul

did you not hear the silence as you approached
overcome with reverence and awed by the light?

the mire is real
a salt pan of false purity
created at the cost of the lives
the rot below the surface
there is a reason that nature expires before the void

heed the silence
kneel not to these false gods
they will **** you.

#thisjourneyofdays

overanalyse  the
scene
words
body language

inferring meaning from a
look
sigh
expression

seeing something that isn’t there
never was
fabricated from a shadow
... you think you saw.

sitting where you can see the
whole room
exits
main door


It is just a ****** work meeting
in an office
get a grip girl.

Can you think too much?

#thisjourneyofdays

When you promised
For better, for worse...in sickness and in health
Did you ever  think worse and sickness would look like this?

Incapacitated by nothing
No obvious illness
No missing limbs
An injury unseen
Just a ****** up mind
And floods of tears

Are you still in? You know for the lifetime clause?
I'm not ready to depart yet
Love me
Fight for me

#thisjourneyofdays

Find me
Take my six
Turn me around
Tell me straight
Stare me down
Stand with me
Hold me
Breathe for me
Love me
Fight for me

#thisjourneyofdays

so we have not spoken, in what? four years?
seen each other
danced around the awkward physical proximity
you have never been encouraged
to speak to me
enter into my space
engage in anyway

so why smile at me now?
why move
towards me
into my space
and be surprised by the lack of warmth ?

you are more ******* deluded than ...

#thisjourneyofdays

you never had permission
a false authority
fidelity? are you serious?
I owe you nothing
not the spit from my rage nor the dust from my shoes
you have overreached

#thisjourneyofdays

racing through conversations
planning through scenarios

seeing endless possible outcomes to a present that has not eventuated,
may not...
probably will not happen...
processing

constantly processing
analysing faces
check out the body language
looking for nuances
shifting positions
seeing endless possible outcomes to a present that has not eventuated,
may not...
probably will not happen...
processing
constantly processing

where is the off switch? this is ******* exhausting

self dug potholes
tiptoeing around myself
personal ambush

#thisjourneyofdays

These were never an option
never going to happen
we cannot change the past
why do I entertain the possibilities of what if?


Tempting me with an alternative
alternative what?
outcome…
was that alternative there when I was living the moment?
no..
what if ...dancing across my…


What if I…
said
walked
hit back
shook it off
didn’t buy into the lie


Following the path of
What if…
working through the flow
of choices
branches of
paths that will never be
can never be


What if is a...
madness
trapping me…
in the past
in a falsehood
in a maze with no exit
an infinite fallout
a theory of string


What if…
never was …never will

#thisjourneyofdays