I give everything I have
Still it's not enough
My heart hates me
Because I always let it down

I really want to throw in the towel
I don't want to try and love anymore
It never really works out anyway
I don't have anything to lose

Like a sad melody sung by a guitar
Or a mournful symphony from a violin
A heartbreaking tune from a piano
My loving eyes grieve in beauty

An empty bed embraces me again
A lonely heart beats within again
So much love lost from me
Leaked through the cracks

This is a response to Alia's "Shades of My Heart" poem. Go read it!*

At it's core is white burning bright from the life of Christ

Invading and turbulent yellow cracks across like lighting

And blackness shrouds it and tries to swallow whole

The deep red of love takes the brunt of it all
Oh the wounds red has suffered for me

I flicker of pink still glows
Hoping to one day burn as a fire again

The peacefulness of green intertwines with the red and white

Trying to follow
My faith dearest as I
Pray on my knees for God
To please hear me
But my heart is so distant from Him
From all my falls and sins I
Struggle along this narrow broken road

What sorrows befall me as I weep
Alone as I pray down here
Help me o Lord, help me o Lord
My faith is wretchedly thinning
I see Your Cross placed in my heart
Your promises never fail
The hardest walk for me, Abba
Is believing You love me, still

No, there's no anger
No, there's no happiness
No, there's no smiles
No, there's no frowns
No, there's no turbulence
No, there's no gentleness
No, there's no hope
No, there's no despair
No, there's no numbness
Yes, there is pain

If dividing is conquering
My heart should rule the world

Why am I alone, then?

Here I am faking my smile for you
Cracking jokes and causing laughs
I'm dying inside and you can't see
"Everything's okay" no it's not

I pasted on my signature cheerfulness
And wear a smile that nobody hates
I pour out care and love on you
All the while dying in my heart

Such a good mask I always wear
If you could only see the tears beneath
The salty poison running down
My face is shrouded in lies and shadow

Sink deep
Find the gold

Beep beep
Wake up now

Wink blink
It's all gone

Drink think
Off to work

In the event of love... kiss
In the event of heartbreak... cry
In the event of tragedy... weep
In the event of holding on... keep holding
In the event of marriage... make love
In the event of a birth... celebrate
In the event of death... mourn
In the event of opportunity... seize it
In the event of friends... hug
In the event of life... never forget to live

Life's too short to be wasted.

Do you see my addiction, God?
Do you see me turning my back on you?
Do you see my double facedness?
Do you see through my lies?
I want to stop, God.
Please let me stop.
I want to be Your image.
All I have is my trust that You love me;
Even that is not mine, but a gift from You.
Let me overcome this.