say it back, say it back, say it back...
--
how many times do i have to say it before he finally says it back ?
--
matias, i love you
i love you because you're strong
not only physically,
(but all of your muscle never fails to impress me)
you're so emotionally intact
everything you do has purpose
and you're so intellectually developed
mentally unhealthy but so in touch with your emotions
i wanna be like you
though after i taught you how to feel, it was like i became numb
--
how many times do i have to tell him before i finally get mad ?
--
m, ava does not deserve you.
she lacks all possible value.
her only motive in life is to get her overused hole filled
i live to demoralize her worth, i swear
such a useless girl. her parents must be disappointed.
she took you away from me
making me feel absolutely dejected
to where if i passed you in the halls, i'd burst into tears
and the senior class around me
would ask why the freshman is crying over a senior.
--
how many times do i have to say if before i finally feel useless ?
--
matias, i've offered you everything since day one
you've always seen the more vulnerable side of me
reading my poetry and sharing your own with me
we've always been close.
more than i'd like, i hate to admit.
and i knew you were special
when you called me out on my *******
the day when we were alone after the pep rally
you called me out on my coquettish ****, with the uniform skirt
telling me you saw right through my little act
--
how many times do i have to say it before it finally becomes meaningless ?
--
matias, i love you
to the point where i unconsciously depend on you
to make me happy
because the thought of you makes me content
i feel okay with myself when i've fulfilled your needs.
i wanna be your person
the one you look to for support
you stopped for some stupid girl
who manipulated you with her own tactics
to get inside your pants.
and you fell for it
and i fell for you
and you left me at my darkest point in life
and i know you know freshman year is no joke
so why the **** would you leave like that ?
--
how many times did i have to say it before he finally said it back ?
--
♡ i lost count.
--
"oh my ******* god-- i can't do this anymore."
"i don't know how to help you."
"i'm sorry, baby."
"i don't mean to make you mad."
"yeah ? well, you are. heavily."
"and i've never felt this way about you"
"so i don't know how to ******* handle it"
"i feel useless."
"maybe i'm hurting you."
"you're just a little girl."
"i need to figure my own **** out."
"no, don't take it like that."
"then how am i supposed to take it ??"
...
"take it as a compliment."
"you and i are so connected, that you feel like a part of me.
except you're like the part of me that i can't control. and that
makes me mad. it makes me feel helpless."
"like, i'm exhausted. i love you, but this is exhausting on us."
"..us ?"
"oh my ****."
"oh my god."
"you're joking."
"you can't just dump your whole life on me"
"and think there's not an us."
"no, baby, i know what you mean."
"oh, thank ****."
"i was about to get really angry."
"i could feel my skin heating up."
"i don't know what to do, m."
"me either."
"i guess this'll just have to be another thing we'll just figure out, yeah ?"
"i'm sorry."
"don't be sorry, love."
"but seriously, i think i need to go to bed."
"my head is pounding, my eyes are fluttering shut-- and
my cramps are really bad."
"poor baby. now i'm really sorry."
"mm. it's okay."
"can i go to bed ?"
"yeah. i'm not going to, though."
"but you should-- you need rest."
"nah. i'm alright."
"no."
"go to bed."
"put some music on."
"no."
"if i sleep, i'll dream of her. it's bad."
"oh."
"fine."
"watch the notebook."
"hell no."
"excuse me ??"
"that'll make it worse."
"oh. duh."
"i give up."
"can i go to bed now ?"
"mhm."
"okay."
"goodnight."
...
"i really love you."
(say it back, say it back, say it back...)
...
"goodnight, baby.."
"i love you, too."
(what ?)
"i'm gonna cry."
"*******."
"goodnight."
"goodnight, you ******."
"night, *******."
"sweet dreams."
sent, 10:27 pm
...i am not going to bed.
finally, he said it back.
and i only had to say it for three months daily !
