Is being too much to upsetting?
Is being too much to handle not good?
Is it okay?

I won't always be your cup of tea.
You're favorite kind of drink.
I won't always be your apple on the tree.
I'll have my days,
Jus like no other.
When the tiger roar comes out,
When I can't stand no other.
When I don't want to give a ****,
When I feel much smaller.
I won't always be your cup of tea,
Nor A shot of Hennessy.
I'm a mixture of hot species, with a little bit of sweets.

If God could physically see how far I've came, and how happy I've become, he would be so proud of me.

So proud.

I wish I could wake up too you.
Wake up in your arms, as I crawl up in a ball and lay on my favorite spot.
Your chest.
I wish I can lay my legs in between yours, as you hold me real close,
and fall asleep to a movie that we wanted to see last night.
I wish I could hear you say goodnight,
Not through mobile.
But Rather to my face,
So I can kiss you goodnight, and fall asleep until the sunrise,
Because with you everything is alright.

Emotions flooding in me,
As the tears roll down my face.
As the person I care for,
Is having thoughts of harming themselves.
Being unaware,
Feeling helpless.
Feeling as if you're not trust worthy enough.
To have them open to me,
In time of need.
Scared to tell me;
That there having thoughts of suicide.
Thoughts of losing me?
But what about ME?

What about ME!

Wake up one day, and you're not there.
What the ****,
******!
What about me!

To scared to open up to me,
I admit.
Me speaking about my thoughts.
I would never.

"I'm fine".
Shut up.
Those words are a way of hiding one trues emotion.

If you was okay, would there be thoughts of suicide?
Telling me you're fine. Partially faking that you're happy.
So when i fall asleep,
Thoughts enter.
4 in the morning and you're lonely.
You took that belt,
As if it's the answer to your nightmares.
You took that blade.
As if it's the answers to your suicide dreams.
Afraid of telling me because you were to afraid of losing me.
But what about ME?
******.
What about ME!

Not knowing everything isn't alright.
You telling me it's just a dream,
As if you didn't try killing yourself last night.
What about me..

Me.

What if . I ..
Send you a text, and I got no response?
What if that suicide attempt passed and your soul wasn't alive?

Anger building up in me.
You telling me, that you're hanging up.
That you're sorry.
I hate sorries.
Stop telling me that you're sorry
I'm not forgiving,
I'm not forgetting.

I'm a little tore up inside.
What can you do to help a person, who's afraid of losing you, when you're afraid of losing them The most?

What if it was "I" who attempted those suicide attempts.
Told tou nothing.
You woke up to no reply back to ones text,
Messages bein sent to you.
Telling you,
That I tried to **** myself last night, and it went through.
How would you feel?
****** how would YOU FEEL?

Last phone call of the night.
Because I do not feel right.
I feel so angry.
Why couldn't he have told me?

What about me.
******..
What about ME?
I could of lost you physically.

Baby..
What about me.

Us.

Haven't had much inspiration.
It's like my mind is going crazy.
I can't seem to put the words that want to be said out on paper.
I'm at ease.
This feeling,
I am not understanding.
Is there nothing to say?
Nothing to write?
...  
I cannot continue.

People will love you and support you when it's beneficial.

We lost an angel on that day. I remember text messages about missed periods, and sick stomach. I remember the fear in our faces, as being told did you take it? Did you do it? Not feeling well, but I made sure there was no such thing as being alone in the fear of being pregnant. The next day came, it said no. Being asked again, again "no".
Sign of relief, but it didn't seem right.
No words being said, it was never spoken about again.
Few weeks pass by,
"I'm having a miscarriage, it happened lastnight".
Tears running down ones face,
"Stay strong baby, it will be alright"
"You're not alone, I promise it will be alright"
You gain some weight, you see it in your face.
Smiles in ones face, because at the end of the day,
God knew why this took place.
We will never understand why,
We have said our last goodbyes
To the beauty that would of been,
To the angel that we carried inside.
May god be with you little angel of mine.
As we remember and love you forever,
Until then, we'll meet another time.

Haven't been writing much lately. I guess I don't have much to say, or maybe I can't put these feelings into words? Whatever it is, I know it's going to get worst. Like how he wished you used me, in ways I wish to not say. Or that time I thought god was calling my name, reaching him for help, but instead he didn't care and let me choose the wrong way. The day I was gettig ready to go to class, until I heard my phone ringing, it was you. I hesitated, should I read those texts, Should I do this to myself? I did anyways. Every word I read felt like a knife going through me. I was patient, I was calm, but that knife kept going through me. Text messages to my friend, she's like a sister too me. telling her **** baby girl I'm about to do it.  This depression because of him, is no joke, I'm about to lose it. Give me minutes girl I'll be right there. As I held the pills in my hands, reading all these back and forth accusations of somebody who claimed they loved me, treating me so bad, because I left him lonely not knowing the lonely one who was hurting was me, because they were too blind to see the depression inside of me, growing. My body starts shaking, the bottle is whom I went too, sitting on the floor two feet away from my feet, one pill on the ground, the rest, resting on my clinch tight hands, as I try so hard to overcome this feeling called suicide. To whom I fell in love with, broke me down deep inside. I didn't want to be alive. The Messages in my eyes, couldn't believe what I was reading, felt like he was teasing. When he was done, he would always say he was sorry. I gave him the glory.. Of disrespecting me, when I gave him my world to explore in. And we're not talking planes, cross country, exploring.. How could someone do such harm, take you for granted, tell you there sorry, and repeat the **** story? Finding your weakness, and use it to break you down. Questioning god like why me, lord why me? All you ever wanted was to feel loved, because God gave you this big heart, and you share it but get nothing in return. If it wasn't for my best friend, lord knows I wouldn't make it.. Disappointed in myself, as you should be disappointed of me. To see me get so weak, cause of a man who didn't know how to love me. I'm sorry..

You're the reason why I'm broken. The reason why everyone that comes, I push away.
If it wasn't because of your mistreating and bad habits, I would love so differently.
Because of you, I tried to be perfect.
I tried to love.
Tried to make sure you was okay, before I made sure I was.
Said sorry, for every little thing you said I did wrong.
Even when you was wrong,
My sorry's spoke.
I would never understand, why I waited so long to see your wrongs.
I was blinded by the way my heart wanted to make it work,
Another chance.
But it knew.
Yes it knew..
That you was the reason for my returning depression.
The reason why I tried killing myself, back when you were leaving.
This isn't just a feeling.
This is who I've become.
Because of you.
The same reason why I changed into someone I hope never became.
I don't know what else to say. .