Religion has taken over my life, even in its non existence in mine.
I try my hardest to ignore it but everyday it is shoved down my throat by one person to the next.
I wish there was a pause button for the questions that flood my mind. I don't want to be ruled by an idea I can't even wrap my head around, yet because of years of indoctrination,
ongoing indoctrination,I find it almost impossible to break away from these shackles that imprison me.
I'm scared,
scared that any move I make will be the wrong one,
I just don't know what to believe!
Is it so much to ask, for religion to not exist at all in my life,
for me not to hear, read and be confronted by it every waking minute of the day?
Because I swear it is so exhausting spending all your time trying to figure out what is real and what is not.
I'm frustrated and angry,
******!
why wasn't I indoctrinated well enough from childhood!
I wish it were done so well that I too would find every excuse in the world not to question my beliefs, that it would make perfect sense in my head.
Why must I be "woke", people say it as if it's a good thing, as if it's an achievement but really it's a curse.
A confused life is emotionally taxing,
it drains me. I spend so many nights crying about it,
I hate that I have fought my whole life to be free of it,
but years later, here I am, in exactly the same spot as before.