The hardest part

The hardest part is just before I go to sleep , where I fall victim to the memories of a life I know I’ll never have, the frustration of knowing I loved , and never got the same in return , the heartbreak , that in the end , it was him.
My mind drowning in yesterday’s shadows , and the foolishness of how much I tried to stay afloat amidst the indifference, thinking that true love would be our buoy.
So many promises broken , so many dreams we planned , and you’ve abandoned.
All I ever did was adore you with all my heart, a heart that’s empty , and keeping me awake with the taunting  fact that you never gave me your whole heart in return.
I wonder if you’ll ever think of how deeply you’ve scarred me , I wonder if I ever really mattered at all.
Or was I a fresh breeze that made its way into a stagnant time in your existence.
You had my heart in your hands , and never really appreciated what you were holding.
Unconditional love , an eternal  soulmate , a lifetime .
The thoughts that keep me awake , as I wonder what I could have done different to make you love me more , or was I just a blip In your life for amusement, “already gone” , before it started .
Yes, the hardest part for me , is just before , I go to sleep .....