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Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You . . . you lied to me.
I didn’t know you wanted it so desperately.
Your hopeless desire to be free
Comes crashing down before your feet.
Now, I hope that you can see
All your delusions and conceit,
Your vanity, since you had never broken
A promise or secret spoken,
But now, please take this as a token
Of my shattered trust and heart dismayed.
By you, I have been betrayed.

My heart pounds slowly in my ears
As I think of all the fond memories I’ve had over the years.
I touch my face as my death nears,
But all that’s left is blood and tears.
And now, I’m faced with all my fears
And the scrutiny of all my peers.
Inside me, a rage awoken
By the abuse and insults spoken
Filled with such intense emotion!
They’ve never truly been afraid!
They don’t care how I’ve been betrayed!

I carried their burden and gave them protection.
So why, in return, have I lost their affection?
I stare at my opaque reflection
Asking myself this single question.
No one can achieve perfection,
But why must I suffer their rejection
Over and over with more voices combined
Than can be speculated by one mind?
Why am I alone and blind
With no help coming to my aid?
I lie still here, my conscience swayed.

I lie alone on the cold ground
Wishing hopelessly to be found,
Or to at least be rid of the sound
Of the darkness--weeping--all around.
With the status I am crowned
Comes dangers to which I am bound,
But by the honor to which I’m tethered--
However little, however weathered--
I won’t let a silly, feathered
Raven stop me and get in my way.
Yet, somehow, it led me astray.

It led me to you, a queer butch,
who longed for someone to love and touch,
And, as such,
I gave you my own hand to clutch
And let you use me as your crutch.
I never realized I hurt you so much
By forcing you to stay by my side.
I controlled and nullified
Your sense of judgment, worth, and pride.
But now all that I can say
Is, “Why have I been betrayed?”

You commit deeds without thinking.
You say strange things when going out drinking.
You ignore the chains around you, clinking,
Drowning you in your self-doubt, sinking.
You stare at the sun without blinking,
Blinding yourself from your world’s shrinking.
However did you fall so low?
But from the ashes, phoenix's grow,
No matter how painful and how slow.
You still confound me to this day,
But why, by you, have I been betrayed?

Your motive was to gain your liberty.
You want so badly to be free,
But I never owned you.  I only have me.
I depend solely on myself; wouldn’t you agree?
Or not because you couldn’t see.
You weren’t my slave by my decree.
A mysterious woman with lofty aspirations,
A raven in tow with never-ending patience,
And an elaborate configuration
Of this very time and day.
You’ve murdered me with a sullied blade.

No one’s free, that’s undoubtedly true.
For a fact, just look at you.
Locked in a maze you yourself drew
From cowardice, you stubborn shrew!
Watch with me the mournful sky, blue,
And the ebony raven departing, too.
You look at me with daggers for eyes,
Or what’s left of me as only a corpse lies.
I am left here listening to your cries
Of triumph and grief.  Why defile me in this way?
By you, I have been betrayed.

You’ve hit me with a fatal blow,
You and that oversized crow.
You relish in your success, though
Somehow, you faintly glow
Of sadness and you lose control
Of your emotions buried below.
You’re furious with what you have done,
Killing me, the only one
Who believed in you.  But it’s too late to run.
You cry to yourself, alone, afraid,
As the sins of my soul are being weighed.

You burned my home, my nerves are shaken.
My life and honor have been taken.
If you think you’re forgiven, you are mistaken.
As of now, my hatred has been strengthened.
My inner demons have awakened
As I have been forsaken
By the only one to show
Me love and cherish me, although
My faults are innumerable.  I want you to know…
I’ll never forget your betrayal.
You watch me bleed out, your face deathly pale.

You shout, frustrated, and break a sweat
Knowing you were forever in my debt.
You stumble on words and your own regret
While falling over my burnt chairs and ashen assets.
I whisper to you ghostly threats
And spectral visions make you upset
As you know I am someone who never
Forgets such an atrocious endeavor.
So, yes, you are in my debt forever
As now my trust has been decayed.
Your mind, my demons invade.

Your temper rises, your thoughts waver
As you think of how you can win back my favor.
Away from here, you’d be safer.
I don’t care anymore for revenge, now or later.
So leave here a life-taker,
A fool to stay as the perpetrator.
You may be a traitor but you have seen
The wrong of your actions obscene.
Therefore, I consider you clean
Of the crimes and lies you’ve made.
Slowly, away I fade.

Go!  Go now!  The night’s nigh over!
Soon the blazing sun will take over
And give everyone exposure
To the light, we need to come closer.
Take these words as your closure.
Think things through and be sure.
I no longer wish to conceal
My thoughts for you, bizarre and surreal.
I want you to know and feel
The warmth of the love for you I made.
No longer must you be afraid.

In the end, we all will die
So why do you sit there and cry
As the rain falls from a thunderous sky?
Let go and--like the raven--you too will fly.
Hurry to soar up on high
For I know the end is nigh.
Fly into the somber night.
Try your best to find the light.
Hold it close and hold it tight.
Perhaps others will follow my trail
As I have--not forgotten--but forgiven your betrayal.
Try to put yourself into the poem.  It's meant to be read as if you yourself are narrating it.  Feel the emotion.  I'm very proud of this piece.  It's undoubtedly one of my favorites.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
In the night's darkest hour
you will see the demon's light.
He will show you infinite power,
giving you eternal sight.
You will be blinded by
all the shining stars divine.
You'll no longer see the sky
as a branding sign.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

Time, present, future and past;
nothing stops it from working.
As the weakest, you are last,
and you know you are broken.
Over all of time you grow.
You will watch the world unfold.
Ending high, but starting low.
Aging?  Never getting old.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

The demon, it slowly spreads
consuming all of you.
Now able to see the dead,
you fear what will happen, too.
Death is soon upon you.
You'll be reborn a heathen.
You accept your fate.  You knew
you're already a demon.
You serve all the Devil's commands,
and now we meet the end.
Not caring what else happens,
soon we'll all be dead.
I wrote this from an eerie tune I created and made a song from it.  See if you can hear the somber music.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I see the mirror's reflection of
everything that I'd love
to be.

I hear the whispers and echoes near me
and ache from the burdens I am forced to carry.
I feel your icy breath
down my neck.
Your comforting eyes
stare through my lies.
I know this mirror's reflection of
everything that I love
isn't me.

There are too many voices and too many words.
They spout insults until all of me hurts.
They promise not to hurt me if I behave,
but I think they lie and will fight 'till I cave.
The only thing I depend on is this haunting mirror.
I keep it hidden, out of sight, afraid you will appear.

Your smile crushes me.  Do you really not know?
I do not want to sink in the fires below,
but there is no way to escape from this mimicked reality.
The only option
is death.
A sad boy doing wrong.  It's connected to one of my newer poems.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
There once was a boy in the mirror.
I used to see him there everyday.
He'd always looked so sad and say,
"Please!  Can you help me get out?
Somehow, I'm trapped in here!"
I'd ignore him.  He wiped away all his tears.

One day was different from the others.
The boy had bruised arms and eyes.
I asked him what was wrong but he spoke only lies.
"Nothing much," he said.  "I just fell off my bike."
I know he wasn't telling the truth to me,
but I said nothing and let him be.

The next day came and went.  A full moon climbed the stars.
I awoke to a sound in the middle of the night
and was blinded by the moon's glorious light.
Perhaps the boy would still be up.
I walked to the mirror and found him there.
Blood coated his dark hair.

He sat up and looked at me scared, then shocked.
Slowly, he stood up in front of the glass.
"I'll be fine," he said.  "It won't last."
I wiped my eyes and walked back to bed.
He worried me.  I hoped the cause would go away.
I wanted everything to be okay.

I searched for him in the morning.
He was at the mirror but sleeping.
His face was red from recent weeping.
"Trapped," I said aloud to myself.
"He said he was trapped in the glass.
I hope that this will all pass."

That evening, I saw him again.
He had stitches and a shaved head
and red gashes from the belt on the bed.
He tried to hide his face when he saw me.
I asked, "What happened to you?"
"Dad--I mean, I fell down stairs.  You could too."

The next morning I asked him the same thing.
"Like I said, I fell down the stairs.
I'm not hurt bad.  Nobody cares."
"I do," I said.  "I think you're cool."
But I couldn't convince him otherwise.
Still, hopelessly, I tried.

Years have passed between then and now.
I still see the boy all the time.
We're teenagers and everything's fine.
At least, that's what he says.
He wears long sleeves to cover his arms.
I don't know what happened but they're covered in scars.

He tells me how bad his life is.
He says, "You're too nice.  Like the others, I must've made you up."
"That's not true," I say.  "Look here, we can touch."
We place our hand on the mirror and stare at each other.
"I guess you are real," he admits.  "Fine."
I smile.  "Hey, being wrong is not a crime."

One day he tells me, "Come closer to the glass."
He rests his hand over mine.  "This is our secret.
Never tell.  Promise me you'll keep it."
I nod to let him know I agree.
"I've found a way to get out of here.
I'll no longer be trapped by pain and fear."

He stands, pulls a cord around his neck and jumps.
He squirms and lets out ghastly sounds.
I panic and time seems to slow down.
You see, we are identical in almost every way.
We've become a part of each other.
We share everything with one another.

I guess, I never knew how he truly felt.
His body stops twitching.  He is gone.
I gaze, horrified, at the boy I knew for so long.
The mirror turns into pitch darkness.
He really wanted to be free.
Understand, the boy in the mirror is me.
Suicide from a different POV.  It could be connected to a poem from my old notebook.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
Trapped.
Ignored.
Risking it all without reward.
Unwanted.
Shunned.
No one knows you were the one.

When you know of your wrong, but you can't deny
all the feelings you carry on the inside.
You have no worth, and don't you cry
even though you feel like you want to die.

you masked everything and blocked all others out.
You knew they only wanted to fill you with doubt.
You know you are special since death is near
to save you from all the fires of fear.

How can you stand to watch the whole world burn?
You needn't do what you did; you'd nothing to earn.
I hope to never see your return.
You say you freed them of their concern.

This... confinement you have placed yourself in
won't be able to save you from all of your sin.
You're a psychopath, a murderer, a monster.
How can you find solace through your slaughter?

Why do you think you deserve a chance at life
when you killed so many with the swift cut of a knife?
I hope death will come to take all of your might.
To take you away; to hide you from our sight.

You feel you grow stronger but your light surely dims.
I want to watch as it goes, in your confinement grim.
I cannot deny how hard I have sought to find you.
I watch you from afar, silhouette clear from my view.

I'm the survivor of your chaos and now
you only have days to live.
This was one of my POV poems.  I wanted it to be from the point of someone searching for a murderer who was never caught.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You act alright, but deep inside you know something is wrong.
A silent fight over everything; it's lasted so long.
Little have this, little know, the sadness within you very soul.
You feel heavy; you feel the guilt.  You've never felt so low.
You panic, so frantic.  I laugh at all your measly pleas.
I'll never let you go, even while you beg on bended knees.
I am anger; I am torment.  I'm your every fear.
I am emotion; I am feelings.  I am always here.
You can't escape, you can't run from any of this temptation.
I'll be here waiting your return.  This is your occupation.
Take your time enjoying life looking over your shoulder.
I'll be watching at all times as you grow older.
Go to a bar, get drunk, stay out late, and sleep in,
but you'll never forget me, the sadness within.
This was meant to describe the guilt of hiding your depression from others.  I myself do not have this infectious disease, but I do know many who are suffering from it.  Don't be afraid to tell someone.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
The sky, the most beautiful thing this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
We'll die, holding tight to our only kin.

Untouched by destruction and work of man.
Untouched by humans that control the land.
There is no other place to go but up.
So hold onto me for as long as you can.

Pass through the atmosphere, and you will find
a mysterious world called space and time.
Planets revolve around a burning star.
Watch as they orbit and slowly align.

The heavens--some call it--is where we'll go.
Where the clouds can pass by neatly and slow.
Observe the waters of Earth from above.
Without gravity, try dancing with your shadow.

The sky, the most amazing place this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
So high I'll soar, a new journey begins!
I think it sounded better when I was younger.  I used to adore this poem.  It's an oldie.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
To find in yourself something lost, hidden
Then realizing all it’s potential, forbidden
Setting it down and walking away
You’ll never get a second chance...
Just a random thought.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I cry in barren deserts, the tears stolen from me.
My eyes are dry, like the sand, washed away by the sea.
My hands are scarred and calloused; my shirt is torn away.
My feet are burnt and blistered by the dawn of a new day.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

Inside me, a cavity where my heart likes to hide.
It's turned to stone, cold and hard, by despair, hate, and pride.
The world around me is blurred, a mirage to my eyes.
The sun's scorching my peeled skin.  My head is filled with lies.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

I cry out in this lonely world, "Help me survive the night!"
You responded with your name, my eyes bathed in your light.
Too bad I'm trapped in my mind, slowly, surely dying.
I pull myself towards the shore; I've given up on trying.
This desert that I have crossed, surrounded by the sea,
was my final obstacle in my journey to be free.
I watch my body float away from me, washed away from the shore.
And strangely, it begins to rain; I dance in the downpour.

I have beaten this battle; I'm so close to getting out.
The rain has quenched the desert from the never-ending drought.
But something is wrong; something's different in my mind.
Who cares anymore?  I'm leaving this state behind.
I leave my earthly being as my mind becomes a blank slate.
I watch as my family cries; who knew that this would be my fate?
They wanted to end my suffering; they ended my pain.
But I was close to being saved; they took my life in vain.
This one could've been a song.  I wanted people to think before pulling the plug on someone else's life.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
How do you feel being trapped inside that beautiful mind of yours?
Your eyes like to wander, your hands like to write, about a fantasy world.
This world is not real, yet you claim it to be
a vision of your reality.
A barren void, a terrible hole,
a cavity inside your soul.

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

How can anyone know the pain that you feel?
No one can help you; you're behind the wheel.
You daydream in this world waiting just for you.
Why won't you except their offers?  Why?  They know what you've been through.
I promise things will be alright as you scream and try to write.
Please, I beg of you, tell anyone of your hate.
But by the time you finally speak, it will be too late.
You disregard all your worth and things others value.
You simply ignore me when I say, "I need you and love you."

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

I'm here for you; that gut feeling is me.
I'm just your conscience, which I'll always be.
But when you think so hard you shrink, try not to hurt yourself in any way.
This is where the devil hides, planting the smallest seeds inside
your mind, as it slips into confusion,
a deeply sorrowful state called depression.
You think you're delusional,
but that fades and leads to a confession.

Yet sadly, now, things have gotten worse.
All of it feels as if somehow you're cursed.
You want to run away from it all,
but you simply can't resist the devil's call.
You plan your escape from reality,
and plan your trip across the infinite sea.
Your fantasy world is where you'll go, ignoring what others say and believe.
Hear me and my reason!  Stop listening to him!  Do not be deceived!
It's as though you're deaf to my words; taking a deep breath in, you sigh.
Hiding, listening to the devil, I yell for you to stop, but you pull the trigger and. . . . . .
I think this one was supposed to be a song.  Can you hear your conscience speaking?
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