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I'll 'A-ha!' when you 'Da-da!', be yr
hangdog lapdog Vince Dingo &
yr own personal Theo
(someone to sell your art, someone who hearts),
if you don't pose a go-go, my girl Gauguin. O when you sulk you

sizzle like a Cezanne
in the boot of a Securicor insideman's
sunset sedan, absconder after a fence's attention
to monetise his hot Tate pension
of filched Impressionists
& the Expressionists they felched
(tho' only in the noble Athenian mode
of an erastes taking an eromenos
under his ring, I mean, wing!).
There's a Degas in the trailer!
A Bazille in the footwell, clogging up the clutch!
A Seurat jutting out the sunroof!
A Manet between the shell & the chassis!
No Pissaro in thisscartho'...

Monet spiders of impasto Aprilshowers
are a freebie windscreen Renoir's squeegee,
parting gratuity from carwash clouds
of Securitannia, as our artnapper's
Salon des Refuses-replete saloon
insouciantly mounts the Seacat's ramp
at sweatfree sunset speed, en route
to Costa Calida
sans securicaution.
A victimless crime against the aesthete Joe Public,
it'll only cost Aviva.

So, Dark Cow & my unherd of readers,
thank you for reading
the rejexpectorated stye-ary
of Adrian Steppenmole,
aged 29-38 & a haller.

— The End —