1 for the one word, Dad, that breaks my heart
2..
3...three words that I last said to you "I love you" but I didn't know that would be the last time
4..
5..
6...
7... the age when I learned that 2 people don't always stay together. When I heard the fighting and when mom and I moved in a apartment..but without you and I didn't know what to do.
8...
9...
10...
11..When I swore that I hated you because I thought you were never there, when actually I just would try to shut you out
12..
13...my age when I lost you
13...when I learned what it was like to have something change your life and have a gapping hole so big that I swear people could see through it
13.. I learned how to fake smile and tell people "I'm okay" when I'm tearing myself apart on the inside
14.. I'm scared, everything's changing without you and I can't call you and hear your voice anymore when I'm having a bad day
15...
16... the number of boxes that were sitting on the porch at Mom's house full of stuff that was in my room at our house and I don't know what to do with it so I'll just leave it in a box and try to think that it's still at home with you
17... I don't understand why I lost you and I break down at nights because I try to understand but I just can't
18..
19...
20... the number of times that I try to write something to you but I stop myself because I have so many words to say to you that I couldn't possible write it down
21... I'm starting to forget all of the little things about you that I want to tell my children
22...I wish that you were still here to tell me that everything will be okay
23...I want to tell you how much you mean to me and how awful and hard it is without you...
24..the date that breaks my heart and brings me back the worst flashbacks
24.. all I think of is how I should've stayed with you, I should've been holding your hand when you were going up to heaven
24.. When people were getting tucked in to bed waiting for Santa come the next morning, I was waiting to wake up from this nightmare
24... tell me this is all a sick joke, I tried calling you, I just want to hear your voice one more time please pick up
24...I can't grow up without my Dad not being here with me please
24..I don't know what I'm going to be with out you

you never made it see the 25th