Its hard to find that sparkle in a world intent of flashes

its something I cant put my heart on.

I wish I could.

but I cant. not yet.

I was broken along the way to love

and I think I dont know how to put it all back to what it used to be to be me.

it wasnt stolen. I took it back. but its in pieces.

the only way to get the scars out is to melt it all down

and let it smelter. when it reforms I have a choice over which shape I take,

but I am so afraid of the process,

I cant look at the flashes to catch the spark to light the fire.

I didnt want to talk about it.

it hung there in its ominous entirety devoid of explaination

the sickening welt in my gut peircing the truth into realisation

it is something that could not be unseen, unheard.

as you finally grasped its magnitude gaping wide open incredulously at the shape of it

I looked away.

I blame you.

but I never said a word.

there are no more words

there are not enough reasons

there is no time

there is only life

and it is catching me by the heels and tossing me about

the thing to do is not apparent

so i fumble groping for hope as I stumble and crash into things

maybe I will find something to grab onto if I have the strength to hold on.

feeling wise and centred.

should I share it or keep it close lest it bedestroyed

I am one to impart and share

but there are some who do not care

they tear apart your words for fear

that thier ideals should shatter and thier

true happiness may be visible and require of them much change

I am not a mirror.

I am a window.

I can show you a view  but your reflection can still in it be seen;

and thus, you may see yourself fit well in the scape I am offering.

if you trust me to be wise I may fail you

if you trust me to love you it would be wise of you.

come to my window open the pane and let the breeze of truth wash through you

breathe this space. come out side legs first into my wisdom

and behold what ever you see is yours to take with you

a seed to plant in your own garden. may the view extend you far beyond the horizon and stars

let there be meaing in your life with out going to far and with out staying so close.

let me touch you with what I know.

let me listen to your excuses and smile.

let me show you the way

you may drop bright pebbles along the way

and come back anyway.

let me be your friend,

I will show you the ways of wise

this is my frienship creed loyal and true



Change is the enemy of identity.

Stagnation is the enemy of growth.

Discernment of what is necessary to change and what should not change

is the friend of wiseness.



But love is the only precursor to all these.



yours sincerely,

thought.

When we chance upon loves opportunity, no wonder in the universe could move us from the inevitable pain and sorrow.  We are casually seduced whole heartedly into the spiraling supernova swallowing up everything in our fusion of love.

Other worlds and other ways are suddenly all opened! A connection unable to be lost by the simplest act of acceptance. It clings. It is a forever thing. Good, bad, ugly or beautiful it will never die in us. it is born in us to grow like an infant and thus return to its infancy. It will transpose to fire and ice and a delightful inbetween but it will not fail to stretch your limits or tear them apart and carve a new dependecy or inspired independence.

The world will ne'er understand how the boundaries of love will crush common understanding and prevail through darkness and light, sick depravity and ulitmate compassion. We love this beautiful thing by its very own perameters and inscriptions. Its meaning brings meaning and how tied we are to its presence scraping its essences from cracks and hovering over its residue- we need so much to connect with it again through one path or another.

Our beautiful agapi has an escape like none can ever plan for. And, when I fell into the clutches of this truth, I understood most happily the indemnity was nil and this made it the most beautiful thing of all! I took the leap and I am still falling in a thousand places through a million spaces and an infinite set of times and places. I am completely protected by loving the climb and the fall cloaked in the hope of never understanding...


It all...

don't think you could ever know me like the stars

don't think you know my number or typography of love

there is a world beyond compare you cannot put asunder me

all the love in the universe lives there

yours too.



so you see,

let it live in my soul

let it seep out of my aching *****

give it free will

and do not restrain it

for when you partake of it

you have touched souls with me

and thus forever

I will remember you.

The thing about me
is my life is a haiku
with not enough words

to tell my story,
the right words do not fit in;
I am restricted

life held hopes so big,
though words would not come close;
descriptions fell weak.

perhaps I have learned,
one haiku is not enough;
life is more than one

perhaps haikus are,
my own best analogy;
perhaps they are not?

Strong is a choice.
I believe that with all my soul.
but I guess if you don't believe it...  
you're stuck. What a shame.
I remember being there in that pain.
I will never go back there again.
It gave me nothing I ever needed.
Iwas all I had and all I needed.
I chose to be there for myself.
I chose to crave life and the simple things
I soaked it all up!
I made the world my new drug.
exercise and nature and living.
life is my new pain and its scars
decorate my heart as momentos of my strength.
the measure of my beautiful life.

if I could want you more I'd burst into droplets of pain
if one look wasn't enough to steal my soul Id have it back again
if you could just be another person in another time in another place
same heart, same soul, same love, same time, same beautiful face
if one touch was enough to steal your soul I'd have it without fear but inevitably it will always come to nothing
because of who we are.

Tell the Sun to leave the sky. It is just impossible... If I had you, could I ever want for more? It's just impossible."

Yeah, yeah,
you broke me...
You think?
you cant break anyone or anything that feels an emotion
because we control our own.
we lend out **** on permanent loan
and freak when it comes back before its due.
what a sad sack of stories
with a ******* word for emotion.
**** it up and understand
you cant break what is never broken
its not like your word.
its an emotion.
if youre feeling like ****
and you wanna go and carve it out of your skin
well skin. that can be broken.
and if you do it yourself that's a cut
and that is not broken skin
its stupid.
and you know it.
but why don't you stop?
because you love it.
more than yourself.
the ritual screams
but rituals can be broken
but you know it.
your heart is big enough for every joy and every sorrow.
just think about that for a while...
but you wont
you know it.
instead you will go on believing youre broken
and youre not
and you know it.

pluck out my heart and leave it on the road

I forgot what it was to feel again.

I scribble directions to healing

only i cant read my own writing

tip me upsidedown and tear me inside out

Ive left it all on the pages for your insight.

**** me softly

**** me violently

Ive died a thousand deaths

none more painful

than the first verse

and the hole torn from the fabric of my universe

still I try to feel something

anything except numb.

"They were happily absorbed

in their misunderstanding of me.

By my understanding of them;

I found nothing would change it.

So, I didn't bother anymore."

the foot treads lightly
the twig screams of injustice!
silence is broken.

the sound of nothing
is impossible to hear.
Silence can be heard.

words through natures verse

keeps a hold in our hearts mind

perfect even when not.

nature comes through verse
comforting warm like the sun
till the cutting line.

fate whispers in winds
hopes fail in fait accompli
whispers fade to blank

The sound of nothing
is impossible to hear.
Silence is another matter,
it can be heard on occasion.
Silence can be deafening;
but the sound of nothing,
that is something else.
you can never imagine it;
bearable was your silence
but, your nothing it is
far too much to bear.
I block my ears from the sound.
I scream to make not so.
but everytime I stop;
there it is again, nothing.
Please bring me back
your silence,
that at least
I can
comprehend.

fire burns in love
the wicker dances with heat
till embers fall cold.

the badly written
seeks to claim many praises
but the best humbles.

the flower opens
the bloom welcomes the shadow
the flower is crushed.

but a kiss would taste,
sweet lips and loving touches...
A kiss was refused

life shines through the leaf
leaves fall to the ground softly
under leaves death shades

pain ebbs toward me
like a slow river bending
I break at the fall.

**** I've got writers block, but -
Oh no! It's gone...
**** I've got writers block, I -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, still -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, manage -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, to -
Oh no it's gone!...
**** I've got writers block, write, write -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, something -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, hypocritically -
Oh **** it's done!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5;
Once I brought a rhyme to life!
6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Then I let it die again.
Why did you let it die?
Because it brought a tear to my eye!
In Which eye did it make you cry?
See This little little tear drop on my right.

Tweaking, tweaking little rhyme
How I wonder what this time
Round and round in my mind
Wondering where on earth I'll find
How to tweak this little rhyme
Tweaking, Tweaking little rhyme.

Bah bah bad sign
For a little rhyme
Yeah sure yeah sure
Find a better line
One for the master
And one for a dime
And one for the amateur
Still thinking of a line!

There was a little poet
who had a little rhyme
He wrote in little lines
He worked in little time
And always did more
than little every time

Ha ha! Here I am again
It's raining it's pouring
The criticism is soaring
******* I said just went and read
And could figure out why it was boring

This old mam she played ham
She played knock knack with my spam
With a sick sack fatty whack give a
Hog a pen this old mam came
Crowing poems

All around the burning bush
The donkey chased the ******;
The donkey thought 'twas all in good sport
Pop! goes the ******.

Hey ****** ****** a kiss and a fiddle
The cow entered the room
The little troll laughed to see
Such runs as the cheater ran away with a zoom!

Little miss stuffit sat on her muffin
eating her cares away along came a writer
Who sat down beside her and frightened mis stuff it away.

The new day rises
Shadows yet to cast their doubts
The coolness comforts an old soul,
This odd state of being
will never catch up with my mind
I've worn it to pieces...

I turn to the gifts of this world
The trees, the birds call,
The misty falling rain to cool my senses
The steady breaths of a sleeping child
The reviving sound of quiet...

A warm rich brew , bitter-sweetened
Hugged between rugged grateful palms
delicate steam flames rise
Delineating the Rhythms of life
Lips sip the warm relief...
Failures slip away,
Transformed into stepping stones
Towards a different future...

A band of hope pulls over pearls
the shape of a lazing crescent...

Adventure awaits...

A new day has begun.

He looked deep into my eyes;

said he saw forever there,

but just couldn't reach it.

i looked down at the streamers of steam rising from my coffee.

I didn't tell him someone else took it.

I smiled weakly,

hoping I could fool him forever.

My warm coffee hug

warms me from the outside in

creamy bitter love



soothing my lost soul

coaxing it to come back home

fleeting though it is



A connection of

body, soul and of feelings

the warm sip takes hold



I am with you now

for that one moment present.

the next moment gone.



Till we meet again

in that warming silken kiss

adieu Consciousness.

Folder: Heart aesthetics


truth.

my tainted version or yours?

I cant find the reasons that I need to convince you

you cant find the words to make me understand.



I dont want to wallow in your misery, I am happy in my own

feed me more ******* and inspire me to write insipid vicious lines about you

i'll make them dance in pretty lines and force you to confess!

I will ****** you with lies and pull out my version of truth,

and you will hide from me all that you feel,

because you believe my lies are my truth revealed.



what a lovely tango!

our dance of fire and ice;

first passion and ***

cold disintrest next.



dance with me my beautiful liar

dance with the words of my song in your head

push through my curtains and find whats there

your truth or mine it seems we never care

it never mattered as much as our lovers dance

a careless tango brought to life with fierce exchanges

a slap in the face

a caress of redemption



our lies our seductions

our words are our weapons

our music is our emotion

our dance is our truth

our love, our curse.



this is our pain my fierce love,

let's dance our tango

and create our timeless verse




previous version below:





truth. my tainted version or yours?

I cant find the reasons that I need to convince you

you cant find the words to make me understand

I dont want to wallow in your misery I am happy in my own

feed me more ******* and inspire me to write insipid vicious lines about you

i'll make them dance in pretty lines and force you to confess

I  will ****** you with lies and pull out my version of truth

and you will hide from me all that you feel,

because you believe my lies are my truth.

what a lovely tango our fire and ice

passion and ***

cold disintrest next

dance with me my beautiful liar

dance with the words of my song in your head

push through my curtains and find whats there

your truth or mine it never mattered

as much as our lovers dance

a careless tango brought to life with fierce exchanges

a slap in the face

a caress of redemption

this is our seduction

our lies

this is our truth

our dance

these are our weapons

our words.

let's dance our tango

and create our timeless verse.

Another year closes
and the waves of pain invite themselves
for one last wash over me
a host of words and phrases un sugar coated
calling back the dire pain
duly survived and noted.
and as much as I walk that higher road
it never lets me forgive if I forget.
endless vengeance haunts me for its exaction.
And pain is a nasty ***** to comprehend
it's not who I am
or who I want To be
or what I want to send
but it is on its way.
I can't stop it.
I don't really want to anymore.
I want to feel the rush of satifaction
with the ramming of my metaphorical fist into your charmless faces
a barrage of covert assaults on my good character
well congratulations you win.
Jokers and aces
I'm the bad *** on all of your cases
ran myself into the ground
and not an ounce of gratitude was found
now karma won't listen to me
my great pain howled
and the injustice has been heard
the trade has subconsciously been made.
God help you all there's no way back from this
it is what it is...
a brand new year,
and with it comes resolution and how
the restitution I used to abhor
sits so **** comfortable with me now.
There's More pain ahead,
I'm so conditioned I wear it like a crown on my head.
Well done I applaude you
you intolerable *****!
let fate do its will
I ain't holding it back
let this tidal wave crush you
in your tracks
so you can feel my pain
and don't call for me
I wont remember your names
like the years torn from my soul,
my children, my love, my home;
I won't feel it all in vain.
im giving it all to you
the very deserving orchestrators
of my cruelly wrought tidal waves of ******* pain.

Yours sincerely,
Really ****** off.

.... Original write below:

Another year closes
and the waves of pain invite themselves
for one last wash over me
a host of words and phrases
calling back the dire pain
duly survived and noted.
and as much as I walk that higher road
it never lets me forgive if I forget.
endless vengeance haunts me for its exaction.
And pain is a nasty ***** to comprehend
it's not who I am
or who I want To be
but it is on its way.
I can't stop it.
I don't really want to anymore.
I want to feel the rush of satifaction
with the ramming of my metaphorical fist into your charmless faces
a barrage of covert assaults on my good character
well congratulations you win.
I'm the bad ***.
ran myself into the ground
and not an ounce of gratitude was found
now karma won't listen to me
my great pain howled
and the injustice has been heard
the trade has been subconsciously made.
God help you all there's no way back from this
it is what it is...
a brand new year,
and with it comes resolution.
the restitution I used to abhor
sits so **** we'll with me now.
More pain ahead.
I'm conditioned to wear it on my head like a crown.
Well done I applaude you
you intolerable *****!
let fate do its will
I ain't holding it back
let this tidal wave crush you
so you can feel my pain
and don't call for me
I wont remember your names
like the years torn from my soul,
my children, my home, my love;
I won't feel it all in vain.
im giving it all to you
the very deserving orchestrators
of my cruelly wrought tidal waves of pain.

Yours sincerely,
****** off.

The day has faded away
and the last light
kisses the horizon goodnight
The moon beams come out to play
and chases the last ray out of sight
The moon climbs over
and catches up
with her little halos asking of
Her lover the sun,
who makes her glow
in his presence.
Pulling the carpet of tides
in her chase to claw herself near
she would rather
disappear in daylight
than be away forever I fear
Sometimes they dance the tango
as they pass in the clear
and sometimes they dance alone
seductively drawing eachother near
Destined only to feel the effects
of the glow each light beam brings
As gravity pulled together;
this union a catastrophe would bring.
With unlucked quarters
in crescents
Other masters call to them service
But every now and then
hiding in the shadows
of the earths surface
A stolen moment
of love is exchanged
eclipsed only by us it seems
Thus you are my warm sunlight
and I your cool moonbeams
Destined to hide in the shadows
of rings as Saturn steps in
Running rings around us as
we dance
like the moon chasing the sun.

The hunger of you pervades my soul
like a fire needing more air

Such a dark and desolate scape
With out your warming fire.

The stars do their best
to capture the twinkle
lost in my eyes.

Riding the night sky
They fall at my feet,
A blanket of stardust!
and yet, I feel nothing,
though I still try.


The loss of you and
the light in your eyes*
Has made my bones dry.
The marrow of my soul
Out of reach
like the endless sky...

The spark of your presence
is lacking.
Oh so desperately lacking...

All the memories since creation
do nothing but plant me further
Into the depths of despair!

No star will ever twinkle
as bright as your eyes in mine.
Only Venus comes close;
But mars ever glows with warning;

as fate conspires
to keeps us apart.

I send my soul out
In search of you
upon on the wind.

I know our moment
Is close.

I sense you in the air
I feel you on my skin
these earthly things
Are of not our love
Immortal.

Let the glorious day come
When we cast off
the weight of these skins
These anchors of bone and flesh
to find each other;

Where for that small
Space in between
We are one light Immortal
unsepreated by cruel birth
And unmoved stars.

a breath, a beat;
a moment.
upon the breeze
whispers in
remembrance
of our worlds in between
love  spaces.

come a little closer,

that chasm between us is millitmeters long,

hold those thoughts

and listen to a  new song  



come a little closer,

time to see clearer from this heart instead,

lower those eyes

and tilt that confused head



come a little closer,

a little something Ive wanted to share for a while

its time to reveal this delicate kiss

it goes a little someting like this



come a little closer,

lightness and sweetness moving into your depths

holding your heart warm like this

and in this taste of love

a promise...



there is no more chasm

only moments of clarity in

a lover's breath exquisitely complete



come a little closer,

time to see clearer from this heart instead,

lower those eyes

and tilt that confused head



I promise you'll be okay.


Folder: Heart Aesthetics

nothing is more inappropriate
or unjust
of a poem written,
than not giving it
an appropriate title
but rather disrespectfully,
leaving it with out one.