you always leave
without me telling you to go

you never are here
when i beg

but you return
when i do not ask

why are you like this to me

i never fully understood
the meaning behind cheating
until one of my own did it to me

everyone has something to talk about
whether those who speak
are with you or not
they will always have their mouth
better must to make it a story
they can endlessly tell decades about

i am starting to understand
that what makes me happy
is not always what i deserve

no one has ever been there for me
when i needed them at my worst
now i am that person who is there
at my highest & lowest points
because they have proven otherwise

maybe one day
we can pick up where we left

forget the heartbreak we both left
with scars from our pain healed
patching the past with our present

lead me your hand to kiss softly
just like the many times in the past
let one beginning spark an eternity

let me be the fault you knew
and forgive my mistakes of dawn

so that maybe one day
we can be that reality
you always dreamt of

if you loved me

then

why was there a her?

make sure you have not forgotten
you
are the greatest masterpiece created
with delicate care from precious time
you
are my reminder for me to acknowledge
love from one to another is attractive

eyes forever locked
heartbeats forever engaged
yet her past caused a blocked
heart stolen and caged

such innocence she wore
nothing less, nothing more
a beast tried to tore
risk was the price paid for

day by day
night by night
one’s heart became less gray
something like love, only to despite

eyes forever locked
on just one human
cage unbroken, finally unlocked
a beautiful love now blooming  

four hours
two hundred forty minutes
uncontrollable powers
connecting two souls, no limits

it is so painful to sleep
through the night
when the stars & moon
whisper stories about you
as my pillow kisses my face
exactly as you once did

i was scared of the commitment
you were begging for me to give
because i could never commit to myself

what if you were the one

for me

and i let you go
but then again
if you were the one
this situation
wouldn’t be
the one

to think if you were the one

for me

i never knew that silence can be rupted this loud

my heart is beating fastly
because it is not over you
but time is passing slowly
without your presence

for you know
i am not meant to
stay in one place

because rose petals
are meant to blow away

i never wanted to be more dependent
on the reflection staring at me in the mirror

until

i understood that this would be the only
staring back at me with the tears falling

what hurts the most

is that

i always knew

you’d be the one to hurt me

first

i look at you & all my heart does is stop
for a second that feels like an eternity
my body cannot support me with air
because of your presence among me
i am silently gasping for a breath

your warm soft hands on my body
soothing my temperature of hotness
on the fresh spring afternoon showed
you were only in love with my body
rather than my heart i have gifted you

i sat down in the tub
with the shower head
crying all over my body
reminding me
that i was not over you
i allowed hot steam
to wake my skin
only to realize
i must live another day
without you
in love with me

i am starting to realize
that i have the power
to shut & lock the door
before they even leave

i think i’m losing my mind, going insane. it’s been five minutes since you last called my name. nothing like it used to be, is the same.
- a person madly in love

i wish there was something more
i could do
to be more perfect like her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have you love me like her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have never seen you & her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to have never given you to her

i wish there was something more
i could do
to be her

i am stuck here praying in the perking dawn
that not only mine but those who are deprived
are granted their teenage what ifs on their mind

my prayers are sent endlessly through angels
that their nightmares are turnt to dreams
of realities containing fantasies of romance

tears of pain turnt to golden lust glitter shining
eyes awaken from the sleepless nights of sorrow
brightening suns of morning of new beginnings

to cast their eternities of teenage hopes
as i lay close to my future with doubts of lost
due to results of youth taking majority

prayers of wings sent to my hopeless romantics
because teenage thoughts are on the minds

my only regret is not knowing you weren't "the one" sooner. heartbreak could have been saved over one who cared more. the endless tears i dealt should have and could have been dripped over another love. but my weak soul was so tempted by your deceiving body that i lead on with your continuous lies. i wish i knew sooner.

the dusty blush roses
that grew in my garden
were always seeds of love
for your beating heart

and the petals that fell off
slowly crying weak stems
ate the pain of your absence
with forgiveness of myself

there is not much left to say
when they have already
turned their bodies to walk

it is still true as time comes
i am still serving you
my master
i am still loving you

i have put my life on hold
for i am sired to you
but you do not recognize
my worth is greater than
the one you hold

but i am still serving you

do not ask me why
for i do not have the answer

small yellow painted house
motorcycle parked outside
handsomely tall with brown eyes
he is the neighbor across the street

he watches me dance in the living room
recording me gracefully i am his masterpiece enchanted by the ******* of my clothing
peeking through the blinds in the evening

he sneaks late nights to visit
resting peacefully at my window
let me in for just two seconds
he pleads in begs and sorrows

he watches my every move
terrified i am most of him
does no harm to me physically
emotionally wishes for me eternity

i wish to run far away from him
yet he knows my mind & heart
cannot simply erase my life
for he is completely apart

timothy michael green
community neighbor
loving mysterious stalker
the man with a camera

i think what hurts the most
is knowing i have the ability
to voice my expodable mind
but cannot because inability
to recieve desired expectations

whatever you want that person to be
that is not currently the way they are
in the life of yours
will never be the way you want them
unless you be the way you want to be
make yourself the ideal way you want
then everything else will fall in place

i am stronger than the person
who has stabbed me
but weaker than the lover
who has broken me
because love is the deadliest weapon

drinking the heartbreak away
will not solve the problems
you bury yourself in as habit

with alcohol sipping on your lips
allowing dry unspoken words to be
the only chapstick you immerse the lips
you once saturated upon your love with

making stains on your wrinkled shirt
that has been reserved longly from
the month's old ***** laundry pile
because of denial to sober yourself
with no views of bettering the life
you suffer greatly continuous in

as you take each sip to another shelf
of empty bottles & intoxicated remorse
you will not embrace the empowerment
of the unawareness of your environment

yet instead the awareness of who
caused you to sip to another
emplacement of an empty shelf

your love makes me want to
tear off my clothes
& love myself entirely

it is hard to stay devoted to one
when the devil grants me many
of temptations that look like him
but
you will always be in my heart
the only boy that i have wanted
despite those of many portraying
elements that exemplify you

you birth love
in places
love has
never existed

my heart is giving up
and my body is tired
for giving the world
to those who
do not view me
as their world

you told me that i was your dream girl
i guess you were right
because you never pursued me
to be your reality

that night you left i could not sleep
but you were able to
because you had her by your side

& now that you have broken me
i feel even more strung with stupidity
when i listen to your tasteful truths
rather than your tongue twisted lies

i am starting to get disappointed in myself
for allowing acceptance of the ****
that i should not be putting up with in my life

forgive me but i am hopeful

why do i always allow myself
to experience heartbreak
knowing that i enter the same situations
that will give me the exact outcomes
i have encountered many times in the past
for i keep disrespecting myself
in hopes that people who have never cared
will one day care for a girl like me

one day i will get
that call from you
& i will not answer
not because
i did not want to
but because
i was too busy
to notice you called

& that is when you
will realize
it has been too late

how do i show you my favorite view
when it is standing right in front of me

perfect height
big brown eyes
unforgettable smile
gorgeous laugh

stand right here & wait for me
i will be coming back with a mirror

i know you
i knew you

i want you
i wanted you

i love you
i loved you

i have you
i had you

i cry over you
i cried over you

i met someone new
i have someone new

if it was not for heartbreak
& late nights of crying tears
i would be the weak girl
to stay in bad situations

i want to dance until my feet are worn
my body dragging me to my destination

i want to step one by one with you
holding me in your arms in the moonlight

i want our routine to create thunder
with each turn & leap we strut dramatically

i wish to reunite & perform once again together
my solo lacks passion without your presence

take my hand & guide me gently
with the rhythm of the melodies

good morning roses. my second book 'seventeen petals on my rose' is now available on amazon. it is a poetry book composed of seventeen chapters, relating to the seventeen most important aspects of my life. it would mean the world to me if you would purchase the book. an ebook for 'seventeen petals on my rose' will be released in the next few days. thank you.

here is the link to check out my amazon author page for purchasing my works.
https://www.amazon.com/sydney-rose-salomon/e/B07L9N5694?ref=dbspebkr00abau_000000

thank you for taking a fraction of my life
only to waste it with heartbreak
& leaving me alone to my thoughts
of countless memories of what ifs 

only for me to dedicate time to
pick up my broken pieces to mend my pain 
by rediscovering myself
& inventing a stronger me
that no longer sees you as a necessity in my life

i am falling in love
with the absence of you
it is starting to wear off on me
& i am beginning to take
the love i once had for you
towards myself slowly now