my mom left me last night
by choice
same for my father
by choice

bright flames lit them up
as they had time
to save themselves
but they did not wish to
it was as if
they were okay with dying

i was not okay with staying
i had to leave them
by choice
i performed my solo sadly
as life danced on
without my parents

it was a nightmare
of personal choices
made by those i love
giving me horrors

i woke up at the stroke
of three in the morning
sweat dances on my back
heat rising like the flames
that took my parents away

it was the worst of them all
for i meant nothing to them
but it was only just a dream

i am starting to forget
the simple things about you

the way your hands felt
when you touched my cold body

the smile you gave me
when i presented emotions

your hair against the wind
in my car as you drove it fast

my doctor is slowly increasing
my prescription of medication
so i can no longer remember you

perhaps you were the man for me
that was meant to be that very one
that was destined to get away

i feel as if i am like the sunrise
a beautiful thing always being missed

you birth love
in places
love has
never existed

we knew other
but not well enough
to shed a tear or two
when it was over

                       - acceptance

good morning roses. my second book 'seventeen petals on my rose' is now available on amazon. it is a poetry book composed of seventeen chapters, relating to the seventeen most important aspects of my life. it would mean the world to me if you would purchase the book. an ebook for 'seventeen petals on my rose' will be released in the next few days. thank you.

here is the link to check out my amazon author page for purchasing my works.
https://www.amazon.com/sydney-rose-salomon/e/B07L9N5694?ref=dbspebkr00abau_000000

what would you do if you had one last chance?

& if there is only one thing i want. it is to hear his voice on repeat in my mind. not telling me that he does not love me. but having him tell me that he does. like he used to everyday in the past. but if there is only one thing we both want. that is for me to forget him. & i wish that for me. but for my future self. & i have not come into an encountering with her. she is too hung up on the future that could have been with him. & i think that is what hurts the most. not everything that we lost. but what could have been greatly together. we benefited each other. & it happened too quick. him being taken away from me. i was not expecting it. i feel like it has not happened. i lay awake each night in hopes he will ring my phone to put me to sleep like he did every night by telling me stories. to eliminate the chances of me having nightmares because he knew how much they haunted me. & i try to find a piece of him in others. sadly i have failed to find that in the man who is currently loving me more than his own life. i have taken for granted someone who sees me as the sun. his own sun in his life. yet i am still in love with someone who views me as a sunrise. a beautiful viewing only paid attention to when wished. & when it is appreciated it is beautiful. but long forgotten as time goes by. & at this point all i can do is laugh because of the failure i have continuously put in my life. waiting for someone to realize my worth & come back. after times of being told no by not only him. but everyone. & yet i am the only one holding onto the breaking rope. because i foolishly believe that he was the best of my life & i have already lost the one thing that made me a little more of me.

hello

i hope all is well. did not mean to bother. you just happened to appear on my mind during the late hours. i wonder if you remember me. the smell of roses on my chest. the way i did my hair up real nice. & the cold touch of my fingers gliding down your back. i moved out west. i had to escape the haunting memories of you. you were my best mistake. & i still refuse to admit our love was not real.

i hope you found the girl. the one who treats you like a garden. full of all my roses. i know it is not easy to forget. you may love her more than me. of course you do. because your mind tells you to. but if that was not the case then tell me why are you still reading my letter. falling deeper in love with me as i continue. perhaps you should dial my number. there is just a chance i may answer. but with the world we live in second chances are the last of our matters.

i wish you a life of love. heartbreak. & endless thoughts of what if. for i am with the wind. breezing like the yellow petals on my jetting stem of thorns. do not be alarmed by this writing. you will not be able to see me again. we were not paired for eternity in our lifetime. for i am only a young girl. not yet discovered as a woman.

as i place this letter in the ivory envelope & seal it with a kiss. i will not think of your sweet honey dripping lips upon mine but the bitter taste of the way you kissed me goodbye.

my hair blows in the wind as i send this letter off. gray clouds slowly welcome me to the next. a quiet thunderstorm is coming to end me. only to revive me to a new beginning.


- farewell almost lover

why is that my heart
cannot correspond
with my mind
when it comes to love

she cried to me

there is no one for me

& i snapped to reply

honey
do not have the mindset of
the one does not exist for you
in your beautiful lifetime
because before you existed
a partner was set for you
just & only you honey

i believe everyone has a soulmate
the one & only living suitable
for your beautiful existence

blessed whoever they may be
you will fall in love within time
& all the emotions that once
made your beautiful life depressed
will be nonexistent as if they
were not ever once present

because this existing soulmate
is out there searching for you
as you wait for their presence
to be one in your existence

& if that soulmate never comes
into your beautiful existence
or is not to your pleasing

i
me myself & i
will be your soulmate
in a loving way to make
the bright smile stay on
your face everyday for
until the end of time

thank you for taking a fraction of my life
only to waste it with heartbreak
& leaving me alone to my thoughts
of countless memories of what ifs 

only for me to dedicate time to
pick up my broken pieces to mend my pain 
by rediscovering myself
& inventing a stronger me
that no longer sees you as a necessity in my life

it is still true as time comes
i am still serving you
my master
i am still loving you

i have put my life on hold
for i am sired to you
but you do not recognize
my worth is greater than
the one you hold

but i am still serving you

do not ask me why
for i do not have the answer

i look at you & all my heart does is stop
for a second that feels like an eternity
my body cannot support me with air
because of your presence among me
i am silently gasping for a breath

i have heard the words of others
whispering behind my back
that you are still in love with me
& it is still i who is the girl
your mouth speaks in the night
when she is laying next to you
crying silently under the covers
because she knows that your songs
are not dedicated to her

you are the only person
i wish to have on my mind
like a broken record machine
because the melody of your name
is the perfect cure for my broken heart

& each day as i wake alone to a bed that is cold
i think of the memories of what used to be
because they are stuck on repeat
with your beautiful name
as the theme song

i am exhausted of my continuation  
to start over with a new person
only to introduce myself
later in the path of the two of us
to the problems i never got to solve
in my previous relations

it shall return back to your sweet soul
the moment you have made a vow to
yourself that the lively eyes of devotion
must embark on another adventure
in search for beauty in something else
within the life you are accustomed to
because you are immune to the living
of your original journey of what the eyes
of you possess have longed endlessly for

                                                            - set it free

i only want him
to talk endlessly
about him to him

                  - what a girl wants

i thought about the times
we once spent endlessly
married hand & hand
but the calendar only
marked our forever
as just a few hours

i thought about the times
we once spent endlessly
separated heart & heart
& the calendar only
marked our isolation
as countless hours

i thought about the times
we once spent endlessly
thoughts mind & mind
as the calendar only
marked our shyness
as just a forever

please do not
profess the love
you claim
that has returned
to the heart of yours
for my sweet self
when i have finally
learned how to walk
independently once again

drinking the heartbreak away
will not solve the problems
you bury yourself in as habit

with alcohol sipping on your lips
allowing dry unspoken words to be
the only chapstick you immerse the lips
you once saturated upon your love with

making stains on your wrinkled shirt
that has been reserved longly from
the month's old ***** laundry pile
because of denial to sober yourself
with no views of bettering the life
you suffer greatly continuous in

as you take each sip to another shelf
of empty bottles & intoxicated remorse
you will not embrace the empowerment
of the unawareness of your environment

yet instead the awareness of who
caused you to sip to another
emplacement of an empty shelf

small yellow painted house
motorcycle parked outside
handsomely tall with brown eyes
he is the neighbor across the street

he watches me dance in the living room
recording me gracefully i am his masterpiece enchanted by the ******* of my clothing
peeking through the blinds in the evening

he sneaks late nights to visit
resting peacefully at my window
let me in for just two seconds
he pleads in begs and sorrows

he watches my every move
terrified i am most of him
does no harm to me physically
emotionally wishes for me eternity

i wish to run far away from him
yet he knows my mind & heart
cannot simply erase my life
for he is completely apart

timothy michael green
community neighbor
loving mysterious stalker
the man with a camera

my only regret is not knowing you weren't "the one" sooner. heartbreak could have been saved over one who cared more. the endless tears i dealt should have and could have been dripped over another love. but my weak soul was so tempted by your deceiving body that i lead on with your continuous lies. i wish i knew sooner.

for i am terrified
that i will not
be able to experience
a contacting rendezvous
between the sweet souls
we once glorified the world with

for i am fearful
that i will not
be able to hear
your deceiving voice
once again in my lifetime

for i hold a deep fear
that you have moved on

blessed be the lord. for not handing me a pencil and paper. to write my destructive fate. for i would have been eliminated by now. the wantings i wished to live upon are nowhere comparable to the glory he will continue to bless me with. for i am thankful. to have my creator be the author of my life. thanks be to god.

for my creator took away my askings. not because i am ungrateful. yet instead as punishment. for putting up with the pain of my destructive gifts for too long. he has stolen them from him. in hopes of greatness to come. for am i the one who lost her dangers for better.

he told me to hold him
in the palms of his hands
interlock our fingers played

yet his makeup felt similar
of one who dealt heartbreak
upon my endless loving  

wanting to speak independently
feelings of unsecured danger
i do not like to be touched

the love i lived for you
isn't acknowledgeable
to the present state
you exist contently in

the respect i showed you
is incomprehensible
to the women
of your depressing
future

the game you showed me
is nothing comparable
to the revenge i seek
to play horrendously
on your deceiving soul

the betrayal you gifted me
is nowhere near the blessing
i am given from above
to end your successful
falsely uphold life

for i am the game
you played the best

it was the only thing i ever wanted
she
was the only thing i ever wanted

and i was the only thing
me
the only thing she never wanted

you are
the one thing

i have always wanted
and never gotten

and that simply is
the one endowment

i will strive to achieve
for the rest of my life

i loved you too much
more than the earth
had to simply offer

he might have been the one
the perfect bonding given
to accommodate my life

but i willingly let him go
for another beautiful lifestyle
that i believe is better than any

nothing will change my mind
yet he is the best one for me
foolishly i let the right one go

and one day
this person
will enter
the life
existing
and think
of this soul
captivating
an incomprehensible
form of being
and think of it
not once
not twice
but all the time
and this
will be
an everlasting
love

i can kiss the skies above
see the enchanting galaxies
hear the harmonious angels
embrace the smells of love

but i cannot feel the love of him
if i have yet to discover a love
with the soul that takes my body
for i must fall deeply with myself

dear r,

as i walked into the room, glistening with shimmering bodies that enhanced my life with smells of sweet perfume and views of perfectly structured bodies, i realized that every other girl was just trying to be you. the presence of you wasn't physical, yet mentally you were all around me in the rhythm of the tunes and the flips of the glorious shiny hair. the silence between us creates a realizing because you are all i ever wanted.
  
                                                          - the guy who you have never met

for i still seek
the potential
in every aspect
of your bittersweet
sorrowful existence
disappointment
uphold tremendously
for you are not my father
nor the man of my dreams

you are the person

i still search for
endlessly striving
to find your existence
in every form of life

yet i cannot succeed
to exhibit the captivation  
of such a loving soul
twice in my lifetime

you are my person

let's touch lips
slowly one on one
will you think of me
or will she come to mind

at the stroke of twelve
will you be waiting
at the endless staircase
in hopes i'm waiting there

and if i ran away
will i be the chase
you never give up
until once founded

will the rain be pouring
on a dark saturday evening
with you waiting outside
with an umbrella and roses

what will it be
when it comes
down to her
and i

and if i move slightly close enough
will you remember the smell of me
when you are physically in contact
with the girl you claim not to love

i'm falling in love with everyone & everything.
but everyone & everything isn't you.

i am nothing
but stardust

gracefully falling
galaxy’s mistake

stardust
nonexistent

it has been a while
since you been gone
i can feel you near
as if presence is here

active in my life
casted major role
understandment easy
i never moved on

haunting my dreams
night times are brutal
your shadow is company
imaginative figure among

present in the mirrors
looking deeply within
you are a part of me
every aspect within

you are in my mind
do you hear me speak
distancely miles far away
five missed phone calls

times are changing slowly
you are still presently here
past is the presence still
there's too much of you left behind

time
the most delicate & precious capturing of all
yet i cannot hanlde it gracefully
in the clumsy hands i behold amongst myself

time
a beautiful saturation of memories
blessing the lives living on this earth
a mysteriously wonderful experience

time
if only i can get enough of it

we used to be best friends until we fell in love with each other.

touch me.
tap me.
feel me.
let me know your presence is existent.

hug me.
kiss me.
hold me.
let me know your availability is existent.

taste me.
crave me.
want me.
let me know your desire for me is existent.

tell me what it will be like in five years
      will your promises be fulfilled like said
       or will i be a mere memory in your brain

tell me what it will be like in ten years
      will i ever receive contact from you  
      or will you be married with children

tell me what it will be like in the future
      will we be together as we said once before
      or will i wait an eternity just for your presence

how treacherous would it be
for me to give up my virginity
to a beautiful destroyer like you

my sweet, innocent love and heart
cannot be given away so purely
to be ripped apart in the hands of the devil

yet i love dancing with the devil
his mere intentions are evil
but i love him evermore

i cry.
i weep.
i shed tears.
endless flows of water that produce my heartbroken reflection.

i exist.
not live.
i belong to this world full of sweet melancholy opportunities.

i hurt.
i ache.
i struggle.
i bleed saltless tears in hopes i will save myself one day.

how can i try to say hello and start a new life with new beginnings and opportunities when saying goodbye to you is the most difficult word to speak off the tongue of my yearning mouth for your sweet lips?

he promised me a future. of him and i “one day.” yet explain to me the estimate, of exactly the meaning of “one day.” shall we cross paths simply in the next twenty four hours of breath? or shall we wait a week’s worth to a month? or simply is “one day” an excuse for never, to make my heart throbbing pain ease slowly away? if “one day” does not exist in our lifetime, please explain why.

d is for do not
contact me ever again 
wishing to seek freedom 
no consideration of amends

d is for die
never come back to me
travel across the country
left me painfully hopeless 
strong beliefs of your return

d is for dumb
how you treated me
wrong and disrespectful
crying long and endlessly 

d is for dangerous
deadly love between two
rebellious teenage emotions
modern day romeo and juliet
stabbed my heart touchless

d is for do-over
a new life for myself 
self-love and progression 
no more second chances