summer

summer Jun 2016

fumes

tears streak her cheeks,
another night spent alone,
another night in this place,
another night without warmth,
another night feeling pain,
tears streak her cheeks,
this is her life now,
drowning in the voices of men,
laughing,
happy men,
who want only one thing from her,
the only thing she can give,
push against the bodies,
pulled against the current,
her heart sore from the ache,
her lips craving something more,
her hands trying to find an anchor,
her mind taking in the fumes from the life she now lives.

summer Jun 2016

drowning

tears streak her cheeks,
her dress tight across her body,
her feet sore from walking all night,
her hands shaking with numbness,
her hair whipping her face,
tears streak her cheeks,
this is it,
she can't go on anymore,
this emptiness is killing her,
slowly but the pain is becoming unbearable,
the water look so beautiful,
her body swaying in the wind above the water,
she has been drowning for a lifetime,
and now she can end it all,
with a simple,
little jump,
now she drown away all the demons,
the voices.

summer Jun 2016

the reality of her insecurities

she sits there, in the dark, the only light coming from her computer screen.
tears stain her white cheeks, leaving trails of lies behind on her face.
she hands shake as she write to him, the truth everything about her.
she knows he wants he to be happy, to live life to the fullest, to be happy.
but she can't do that without him, and she knows the distance is what's holding them back.
she wants to tell him how she feels for him, the emotions she feels are so strong.
stronger than those 3 little words could ever mean, but she says them anyway.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long, she will stay.
she loves him, only him, wants him, only him, needs him, only him, but he doesn't see that.
he wants her to go out, have fun, to see other boys, to live life to the fullest.
but she won't, she can't, she hates lying to people, makes her sick all the time.
she can't let someone fall in love with her, be with her, tell her they love her.
and all she will do is nod along, give empty promises, say meaningless i love you's.
he doesn't understand, that he is all she needs and she is happy to wait.
happy to love him always, even if he ends up loving another girl.
even if she is better, and he loves her more than her.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long.
maybe she will fall out of love with him, but that's another what if.
what if this?
what if that?
what if he stops loving her, finds another girl?
what if she falls out of love with him, and has met another guy?
but then,
what if they meet each other, and things are okay, and they are still in love?
what if everything will be fine?
but then she has never really understood one thing, one simple thing in her life.
why does he love her?
why is he wasting his time, when he could have someone soo much better?
why does he love her?
why?

May 2016

Star Gazer

Diary Entry

I want to love you the way I love the stars. I want to stare at you with pure admiration, inspired to think about the future and let the moonlight dance a little on my skin. I want to love you in a way that I'll be afraid to blink because I fear with a single blink I would see your beautiful face and in another blink I would see your back as you walk away. I want to love like I would be afraid to go on without you. I want you to be my breath of air, my drink of water, my means of life and my everything. I want to love you to the point that I would crumble if you were to let go of your grip, I would shatter and break. I want you to be the adhesive that holds me together while at the same time I will hold you together. I want you to feel your hugs with the sun's rays, I want to feel your kisses with the sea water drifting along the winds, I want to feel your happiness from everywhere that I walk and I want to see your smile twinkle with the stars of the night.

May 2016

Maddii Lloyd

;

why should i continue my
sentence
if you are the one who keeps
erasing the good parts?

summer May 2016

Throne Of Lies

Let's start this off with a big woozie,
we all think your a bit of a ******,
a bit on the fake side,
you don't have anything to hide,
you think your a forgotten youth,
when really your hiding from the bleeding truth,
you always over-do it all,
one day you are going to fall,
from your throne made of lies,
you think you have all the guys,
toss and turn make a web of insecurities,
you are just another one of those saddening charities,
you see a mile of golden sand,
children standing hand,
in hand,
you don't join,
you don't flip the coin,
you sit there behind a screen,
you think you're a queen,
type and hit send,
but all you do is play pretend,
you think you can hide from all of them,
you're a piece of coal and not a gem,
you got tickets on yourself,
but your mind goes round and round like a carousel,
no tickets for me,
honey please,
you only crave one thing from all of it,
but you will never get it, not even one bit,
all the attention from the boys,
do they know they are just your toys,
playing around and saying what they want to hear,
baby girl you are everything they fear,
fake and plastic,
you heard it you little spastic,
please can you stop,
you'll never reach the top,

Let's end it with a big bang,
you're probably never gonna touch a guys ***** ****.

co-authored with Kyah

#fake #*******

summer May 2016

Me and You

Me and You,
we go through,
what only others
think happens to other's,
not their friends and loved ones,

Me and You,
know what it's like,
to want something we know,
we can never truly have,
but yet we still crave it,

Me and You,
we put ourselves through pain,
every night with the thought of insecurities,
of never being good enough,
of feeling worthless,

Me and You,
can't help but feel this way,
call us beautiful,
we will never believe you,
because of the other lies we have had to deal with,

Me and You,
and completely different,
that's a good thing,
but always know,
i love you boo.

**

For Maddii,
you have the most beautiful smile

-Summer