Maybe it was a careless mistake.
I should have seen it coming... again.
But I won't admit it... yet.
Maybe it wasn't worth the fun.
Now you're gone
And I'm here
Alone
In an empty room.
So close, but I cannot reach
Pondering the lies you fed to me.
Years wasted caring
For someone I didn't really know.
Lingering on
what was
what wasn't
and what could have been.
The wind blows and seasons change.
Friends come and go.
Even those "forever friends"
Always friends.
Waking up seems pointless
Yet you do it anyway.
Part of you is missing,
and might not be coming back.
Still lingering on
the taste of his last kiss
the hug goodbye
the silence that ended it all.

And as we kissed
and lay in my bed
she pulled up my sleeves
and saw the grotesque scars
from years of sadness

For the first time
I felt nothing when I
looked at my arms
It didn't look like mine
it didn't fit how happy
I felt with her

She pulled down
my sleeves
and walked out
the door

She is with him and,
I am here alone,
about to get kicked out
of my house.

He buys her sketchpads drawn
in love, while I weep
in the flourescent night.

I drink
enough to make you hurt
enough.

I'm young
and no one loves me.

Strip you down
I want nothing more than to watch your body, stark and cold
you shiver at my touch, your flesh crawls under my fingertips
you are magnificent
you are glorious
strip you down
shy beautiful girl
spin for me
so that I may marvel at your existence
you are the goddess
and in this waking life, I am sure there is only you
beautiful girl
come to me
so that I can feel your warmth
have you breathe new life into my soul
your lips keep an electric current
your long hair , cascading down your body
moving as you move, fluid
let me have you
or spare me by leaving with the promise to never ever return
you have given me hope
do not give it anyone else
I am selfish and unkind and I wish you to be mine
you in all of your glory
will you choose me?
will you take me?
will you have me?

Life gets better - so much better that
you wouldn’t believe me if I told you
but before that happens
you’ll learn some lessons
some of them will be fun
others bitter medicine
swallow them though
they’ll make you strong

don’t beat yourself up so much
don’t put yourself down
you are actually pretty awesome
don’t obsess so much about being the best
the less you do that the better you’ll become
there is no such thing as “perfect”
but you will be excellent
you’ll be quite an overachiever – even when you don’t try!
You already know what you want to do
Not many 15 year olds have that kind of clarity!
You’re a rare, unique one – you’ll do exactly what you dream to do.

But there will be speed bumps
You’ll lose your way sometimes
and confused Gemini that you are-
you’ll always want both sides of everything
but you’ll figure that out eventually

you will never be as thin as you want to be
but you’ll learn to appreciate your body
just as it is
you’ll find you look beautiful when you smile

you’ll have a job you hate, and one that you love
you’ll do well in both-
much to other people’s envy
you’ll mostly have good bosses

you’ll never have a boyfriend, your marriage will be arranged
but you will find love-the love of a good man
who will stand by you even when things go wrong
he won’t at all be like the man of your dreams
but he will be exactly what you need-he’ll make you happy!

what I’m trying to tell you darling-
is that in ten years all the stuff you’re worrying about won’t matter
you’ll find new things to fuss over.
High school will be a distant land
That you would have left behind
The bullies who trouble you now
won’t be anywhere near

you’ll see that its okay
to be an introvert in an extraverted world
you’ll make a handful of super-friends
who you can trust and who care
and many acquaintances who don’t mind your company
but there will be some who you can’t trust
some who will take advantage of your kindness
ignore them and move on
there is more important stuff to take care of!

your writing will get better; you’ll be a super cook,
you’ll never like sports-stop trying to
its just not you!

in a few years time
you’ll be touching lives
and changing them for the better
you’ll be a teacher and a student
all at once
you’ll inspire and influence

so don’t give up on life yet-
don’t be so depressed
wear a smile and face the world
your life is going to be all set!

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
08.09.2012
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

there is a wrestle going on inside of me
an epic match
                                        
                                                                ­      nAch vs nAff
At one end “Duty”-the undefeated ruling champion
                                                        ­             And at the other end
                                                                ­                              “Desire”-a strong contender for the title
Come and watch this fight to the death!
get out the fizz and popcorn
join the fun!
see me oscillate-between one and the other
i’m like an old grandfather clock
can’t decide
this lunacy is felt
in my deepest self, my core
stretched so far I’m torn apart
every limb every pore seethes in the anticipation
of the win
my mind bounces off the walls
I wonder what the point is at all-
someday this will end in a drunken brawl.
- Vijayalakshmi Harish
         07.09.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish