These late night poems, when I get down to thinking
More than under-the-sun dreams
I'm calm and under the influence of darkness
My ideas have been ripped at the seams.
Because right here, in the dark of the night and the clouds
I have seen when there's nothing to see
Right here in my lonesome with no one around,
I have been when there's nothing to be.
Under the sparkling ***** of gases billions of miles away
I have understood the silence and innocence
The way the stars are simple messages of being alive
I understand my mortality, in a sense.
No, I'm not taking acid or any drugs,
And I haven't even downed any beers
However, I'm under the influence of stars
Glowing ***** of gases for another million years.

The empty space that sits and waits
Spaces sit so bored and cold
We left and locked up the house today
Left one way I've never known, without you.
The empty spaces on the walls
Grow more useless every day
Calenders have lost their date
The numbers are growing old (like you did).
The empty beds are in the rooms
And there's a perfectly good one
But nobody has the nerve to sleep there
So the mattress cries, and weeps- it dies (kind of like him).
The empty closets once filled with doodles
With hearts and names and numbers
The numbers from my mothers childhood
That are probably disconnected (like yours).
The empty fridge that held our meals
Endless containers of coffee creamer
And seemingly reappearing bologna
Contains just a solemn old fruit cup (kind of like us).
The empty chair that was your space
I sat in about three times today
Where you sat and we did crossword puzzles
Quiet yet interesting puzzle books (just like you).
The empty house that sits and waits
Watches the garbage bags being taken away
Watching us discuss prices and family problems
Watching us secretly mourn in our own silent way
Of cleaning out your already empty house.

We're a mix of impossible genetics
Pooled together by a simple 'hello'
Two souls took the impossible chance
Thousands and millions of years ago.
So somehow the ******* the earth
Somehow said hello to the boy
And somehow millions of years ago
There began the story.
Along the lines of romanticism
It goes back to the beginning once again
Veering off the path of moonlight nights
And love is created in vengeance.
See, it all boils down to the simple hello
In a language known across all the seas
Had Fate not stepped it and drawn them
Well, maybe, we'd all never be.
Even millions of years ago, love ******
Hasn't really changed much since then
But these words that I write express much more than love
Express more feelings than written in pen.
So long ago, or in land unknown
It might not have gotten started like now
But everyone shares that one common thing
Much more love than our bodies can allow.
Across the world there's this small little light
This little light that can somehow poke through
And it's this one little common light in us
That bonds strangers like me and like you.
So take the chance like the first ones did
The first ones that said it so long ago
Buck up, my darling, muster some courage
Walk up there and say hello.

Have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Have you drowned in empty lately?
Did it beat you till you're blind?
Do you trudge along these no-name streets
With stores robbed like your heart?
Did you visit there where you grew up?
Did you think about your start?
Did you pass the house of your old best friend
Who grew up and out of you?
Did you think, one day, that you did that?
That you forgot about him too?
And did you walk into an empty school
With drawings on the wall?
Did you see the children all went home?
Notice the system fall?
Did you feel it all just wash away
Like the sand at your favorite beach?
And how empty were you when you saw
That young woman no longer wanted to teach?
How lonely were you when you heard
The sound of silence fill the streets?
Did you sense the houses left-behind?
Hear no children's feet?
Was your heart so broken that you didn't get
You weren't alone all along?
Did you get so sad that you forgot
The sound of the people's song?
Have you ever felt so lonely
In a place you know longer know?
Have you understood the pain
It takes to feel so low?
Do you know you're not alone?
You know the kids aren't at home?
Did you see the streets are buzzing now?
Not what your emptiness has shown.
So have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Well, I'll have you know that it's no more
That it's all just in your mind.

So in the end
These gates of white
Never could be darker
Roads to Hell
All paved in dirt
Is showing now the power.
And all my life
I've led the way
Kicked the rocks under my feet
Leading them
In streets so hot
The end taking them to meet.
These pearly gates
That laugh at us
These sinners, cold and weary
Hang our heads
But still we walk
Because I am not one for caring.
Hell is warm
But we are hot
Guess the killers a tan
Floating clouds
Above the sun
May not even get the chance.
And now I can't finish this poem
And maybe I will later
But I can't finish this poem
Because I don't know where I was going with it
Because the tears are refusing my view of the screen.

You know the rags and riches
I went the other way around
I thought that I could handle it
I wouldn't make a sound.
And I thought that it'd be okay
If you loved me more and more
But I wasn't good enough
And I guess I was a bore.
But today was her birthday
The first time she wasn't here
You couldn't have picked it worse
To tell me, 'Just move on now, dear'.
So when you told me, I sat and thought
I've lost everyone so close
That I ***** up everything
I'm not fine, nobody knows.
I was eating dinner with my mom right next to me
Said 'I'm not feeling right'
"Oh, you'll be fine honey."
sigh Nah, this'll be a long night.
I crawled up in my bunk
To sit, lay down and cry
Repeated bad mantras
About how bad I want to die.
"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry,"
Oh, I said it a million times
I'm sick of all this now,
Just hoping I'll be fine.
Trudge into the shower
To wash sorrows away
Play some music loud
Maybe forget about the day.
"Things are getting weird, things are getting tough
Nothing's making sense but you keep on looking up
They tell you to be true, you're trying every day
You keep it on the real, still you gotta find a way.
To make your mama happy, to make your papa proud
You gotta turn it up but all you hear is turn it down.

Sometimes I wanna cry and throw the towel in
They try to beat me down but I'll take it on the chin
And everywhere I go the people are the same
They just wanna know that everything will be OK.
Things are getting rough, turn it back around
You gotta turn it up when they tell you tone it down."*
With this song on repeat
I work it up to say
To tell you I'll be done
And that this is the final day.
I have a few kind words
After one long horrid time
I mean the kindest way
*******, and in the worst kind.

We are never free of our Demons
We learn to ignore them
We learn to drown them out
We learn to live with them
Or we get drowned by them
And don't live at all

Our Demons only want one thing
They want to see you squirm
They want to see you give up
They want to see you fail
But you must not
There comes a time you must face them

When you face them
It seems like you against an army
It seems like you against the world
It seems like you against yourself
Because you are fighting yourself
You are your own fiercest Arch-Demon

After you accept this
You can finally conquer yourself
You can finally conquer the Demons that come from without
You can finally conquer even the world itself
And make it tremble
Before your awesome might

But be forewarned
These Demons are powerful
These Demons are smart
These Demons are adaptable
They are all of these things
Because you are all of these things

When I see you.
My whole world feels at ease.
When I'm not with you
I feel lost, alone, scared.
I wish I can tell you how I feel about you.
But I don't know how you feel about me.
I'm confused.
I love you though.
I'm not too sure who you are.
But I love you.
Anxiety attacks occurs when I don't see you.