It's 3:00am and I am still up writing
Poems about you.
Why are you growing on me now?
I can't get you out of my head.
Is it your icy blue eyes could it be
Your well tone masculine body?.
The way you keep it *******.
The way you give me a quick glance
And flash a smile at me.
My emotions are so confused and mixed up.

My eyes close and suddenly I am alone
With you in a beautiful dream.
I can't wake up because I want to stay
In this moment with you.
Feeling your lips pressed against mine
Feeling our bodies entwine
Becoming one.
Lost in every inch of a dreamful pleasure words just can't explain.
Wrapped up in your arms my heart is heavy.
Because when morning comes the dream is over.

Warm summer days sitting on the grass reading poetry books
feeling happy.
Thinking we had all the time in world
Breathing live back into my heart.
Walking bare foot on the grass you where the light in my darkness.
You found a beauty in me no one else could see.
You were the only one who understands me.
I can live without many things but
I couldn't live without you.

For years all you did was make
Me suffer over and over.
You put me down but you couldn't
Keep me down.
You hated how people liked me more
Than they liked you.
I never did anything but just be myself.
I am tierd of the lies you spread like butter on hot toast.
You smiled at me as you burn all
my notebooks one by one.
You can burn everything that I have.
But it doesn't change anything.
Because your still alone.
Hate me if you need to but it doesn't take the your pain away.
You will be the lonely troll who lives
Under a bridge I have had enough.

The tears.
The pain.
I love you.
I hate you.
You don't win.
I don't win.
No one wins.
Why do we keep doing this?.

It's late and I should be sleeping,
But the anxious thoughts won't let me.
I try to put a brave face on everything
And smile even when I am hurting.

I don't know why I feel this way or
Why I just feel like crying.
I can't always explain my thought when I don't understand them myself.

It's a beautiful day when all I want to do is just lock myself away.
I wish that I could feel so much different.

I wish the depression and anxiety would set me free.

Sometimes everything in my life
Feels like one big maze.
Full of twist turns and mostly dead ends.