A letter to my Tourettes

Dear Tourettes Syndrome;

I was diagnosed with you as a child.
I would try to hide you, but it failed.
You bruised my wrists and shoulders,
You made my palms red.
You caused me pain.

Kids would point and laugh, because they didn't understand,
You were the cause of my bullying.
How could you do this to me?
I didn't choose nor want you,
But I learned to deal with you.

You expected to be loved.
But I don't know how I feel.
Maybe I love you,
Or maybe I HATE YOU.
You hurt me physically and emotionally,
How could I love you?

It's funny through all the pain,
You stayed.
It's not your fault,
I was made and you were just another part of me.

I was ashamed of you,
You were a disgrace.
But as I said you are a part of me.
And I have accepted you,
Although I don't always like you,
I'm proud of you.
Despite the pain,
I want you to stay forever.

- StefC

It's impossible
They say
Which means I have to try
With you
Here
Next to me
We can accomplish
Anything
Catching fireflies
Now seems
So
Boring
We're not children anymore
We don't play tag
We don't battle dragons
We don't catch fireflies
Now
We try not to get our toes tagged
Sooner then their supposed to be
Now
We battle the cruel world
And the people within it
Now
We don't shove fireflies into tiny glass jars
We replace them with emotions
That light
That once came from those tiny creatures
Now comes from candelas
And not the scented kind
We stopped trying
To do what they said was impossible
Because now we realize
How hard it was to try
We wanted a kingdom
Lit only by fireflies
Who live in jars
But now capturing our energy source
Just seems stupid
We stopped catching fireflies
Now we catch stars
Now we have a kingdom
Now we let the fireflies go
But you kept one
As did I
And they live forever
And in 50 years time
We'll let them go
Into the sky
And I'll know where to find you
And we'll meet again
Underneath
Our kingdom of stars
And we'll stay there till the end
Sometimes
We miss those tiny creatures
And the light they provided us
When we were children
So
We let them into our kingdom
But we don't catch them
We don't make them our prisoners
Now
We catch stars
And sometimes
A firefly
Will land on the lid of our old jar
The one we keep
From all those years
On the bedside table
And we watch it
But we prefer stars now
Goodbye
To chasing fireflies
They're meant to be free

-StefC

Some people strive for the highest grades
Or the newest car
Or the nicest house
Some people have a hunger to be the best 
To get the highest grades
To go to the best schools
To be better
But what about those 
who strive to not be hungry
Statistically 1 in every 5 kids go to bed hungry
And guess what
They wake up hungry
Not knowing when the hell they'll get food
And here we are hungry for the new iPhone 7
We open the stocked cabinets
In our kitchens
And respond with theres nothing to eat
Tell that to the 15.3 million children 
under 18 in the United States 
Who live in households 
where they are unable to access enough nutritious food
necessary for a health
We strive to be the best
We hunger the newest things this Christmas
But what about those who every day 
Strive to not be hungry

-StefC

when a writer uses a semicolon
they choose not to end the sentence
when they could have
however maybe it has a new place
a new meaning
for those with mental illnesses
instead of ending your story with a period
replace it with a semicolon
you chose not to end it for a reason
your story matters
you matter
your scars matter
but they don’t define you
the number of panic attacks
that you’ve had within the past week
doesn’t define you
your suicide attempts
or lack of them
don’t define you
no matter how hard it is
you kept fighting
but for some of us
it’s a hard fight
and we don’t all make it to the end
but those of us who do
are able to help others
who are in the same battle
i know it’s a hard fight
but winning is worthwhile
you will be scared
you will cry
you will break down
you will relapse
but you have to keep fighting
you have to stay strong
no matter how hard the fight is
there are people who care about you
who love you
who would miss you
i would miss you
and i don’t even know you
but i know how it feels
to feel alone
worthless
broken
and i know it’s hard
but this world is so much better
with you in it
don’t end this story
with a “.” use a “;”
don’t close the book
don’t rush the ending
of your story
keep fighting this fight
because one day
the clouds will fade away
and you
are so much stronger than you think

-StefC

I don't know your name
But I'm sorry for you
I'm sorry your scared
I'm sorry I don't know how to help you
I'm sorry
That your scared
Of the people around you
I'm sorry
You have pride
That cannot be shown
I'm sorry
That you have to hide who you are
Because your scared
Not or who you are
But of society
I'm sorry
I don't know what to say to you
But I'm sorry
That society
Controls everything
And is making it hard for you
To not be scared
I'm sorry
That's the world is a scary place
But your strong
And one day
Society won't be scary
One day you'll move out
And nothing will be scary
I don't even know you
I don't know your name
Or how old you are
Or really anything about you
But I'm sorry
For your family
For society
For the fact you can't be who you want
And show off your colors
I'm sorry

-StefC

There they are lurking about,
Like lost shadows in the night.
They’re in my head I want them out!

At night they scream and shout.
Their only goal is to incite fright.
There they are lurking about.

They make me cower, shake, and pout,
I dare to move ever so slight,
They’re in my head I want them out.

They’ll make you shriek there is no doubt.
I feel their presents even out of sight,
There they are lurking about.

They stay all day and night throughout,
As you can see my plight,
They’re in my head I want them out.

Their aim is to throw you off your route,
I look at the moon that glows so bright,
There they are lurking about.
They’re in my head I want them out!

-StefC

when the world fell apart
i held onto you
scared to let you go
but terrified you’ll see the fear in my eyes
the fear that feasts on my being
i’m scared to let you go
you are a ghost from my past
a faint memory
the saddest thought
and the most horrific nightmare
i held onto you when the world fell apart
squeezing you close to my chest
trying to shield you
from the the sky collapsing over our heads
from the building that toppled
over our world
our city
our home
when the world fell apart
i held onto you
protecting you from the ghosts
and guiding you to emptiness
we fell
into a hole
that stood were the town hall used to be
you cried
and i held your hand
till our bodies slammed into the cold abyss
i held onto you when the world was falling apart
making sure
you never forgot what love was
when your life was falling apart
i helped you rebuild it
and when the new York skyline faded to rubble
we rebuild it with imagination
and we never let it topple over
when the world fell apart
i lost you
now instead of running from ghosts
i let them find me
because i’m alone now
and maybe
just maybe that ghost i found is you
and maybe you miss me
and in the afterlife we’ll build a new city
and it will be ours
when the world fell apart
i held onto you
and when this bullet enters my brain
maybe your ghost will hold onto me
just like i did with you…

-StefC

Red Cloaked Killer

She was a mystery
brown hair
red cloak
red shirt
black pants  
and boots that went midway up her calf
she was pure of heart
Soul
and mind
Invincible, almost
but not towards a silver bullet
she changed after Mama fell off the wagon
and Daddy killed mommy with his paws
she was born part werwolf
cursed to live as a monster
killing for her right
to be human
Only to meet her maker
staring down the barrel of the gun
knees to the floor
and blood on her paws
her first **** wasn't planned
the arrow pierced the flesh of a mortal
No longer was she hunting for her fully human form
she was out for blood now
killing all that she could
enjoying how the blood of her victims
tasted like iron
how the feel
of another monsters corps underneath her own feet
gave her so much power
She controlled death
she was not a human
she was a monster
killing to survive in a bloodlust world
she feel in love with her food
despite how when she was a child
her grandmother telling her
that a lady never plays with her meals
she didn't listen
she played with the men she killed
and enjoyed every second
but a wolf need to eat
and your own species can carry you so far
they don’t taste the same
she cleaned the bones with her claws and teeth
leaving nothing behind
hiding beneath her cloak
she was known
as Little Red Riding Hood.

-StefC

The way to be Real

I'm not like you,
Not the slightest bit.
You like to think your perfect,
I know I'm not.
You think we sound the same?
Maybe you just picked up the way to be real.
Then again your fake.
Your not being you,
Or at least the real you.
So stop pretending to be the carbon copy you weren't intended to be.
You are 100% capable of out growing that **** stupidity.
You are so mush more.
It's time you grow up and be who you want to be,
Say what you feel,
And love whoever you want to love.
You don't know how long you've got.
How's the time and I'll be waiting,
Cause until your ready I'll be gone.
My staying will just influence you.
That's not what I want.
I do want you to realize that who you truly are is how were the same.

-StefC

Smile

Smile
I just smile for you
Yet I cant make it look real enough
Smile
You tell me
Even then
When my world is falling apart
To smile
You tell me
Don’t hurt anymore
You tell me
To smile
To be happy
You tell me
Yet my smiles don't look real enough
To smile
You tell me
There is hope
You tell me
Smile

-StefC