Maybe in another life we would be together

Maybe in another life i would be an elegant long limbed women

with ebony skin

you, would be an english man with a slight build

i would have the ability to love you back with out inhibitions

or with out the right thing todo  always stepping in my way

Maybe in another life i could hold on to you without breathing in the guilt so thickly

Maybe in another life i could feel you without thinking about (how i should be) feeling  him

in another life you would be him

but in this life

you deserve something better than me

Darling,
         You are the Ocean,
                           and I and am drowning .
                                                                         .  .

i wrote to you,
not here,
not in poetry,
not in private,
but to you,
the real you,
and you won't answer,
and i'm dying,
and you would never answer,
because you turned me off like a switch,
i'm dead to you,
and I'm dying,
you are killing me,
you are killing me
and I love you

She said i went to sleep thinking of you.

With the bitter taste of loose ends in the back of my throat.

She said i went to sleep thinking about how I'm more lonely with you than i was by myself.

She said i went to bed thinking about the empty glass globe inside my diaphragm,

You used to fill it warm loving liquid,

and now it chimes and echoes in the cruel hollow ways only glass empty things do.

The wet pavement glistens with the light of the lamp posts as mist swallows my frail body.
No one is around to see the red dark velvet growing around me.
No one can hear the shallow breaths I try so hard to maintain.
All he wanted was my purse, why did I scream?
Laying here my mind is full of images rapidly shooting through in fireworks; incoherent fragments
An overwhelmingly insane mix of
Smells--rust, daisies and raspberry pie, His cologne
Music-- the Beatles, rap and opera
Colours-- peach, aqua, and grapefruit pink,
Voices---His, my mother’s, my dog’s
Memories- I can see myself falling off a bike, giving a speech in front of my junior high school
Dreams-- I’m flying over my town and walking underwater
And my hypothetical future- my husband and beautiful laughing babies with bronze ringlets and hazel eyes
All this compressed into the few moments I have left.
Moments, so many moments in life that I’ve wasted missed and wanted.
Moments are now so literal they become minutes“My life has seconds left now”, I say as I take my very last breath and it all slips away.

Going through the motions of making love
making nothing and feeling undone
Sitting hunched over at the edge of his bed
I'd never admit it but sometimes,
I'd like to be held instead
I've never known the feeling
Of that little spoon
The one that sits in the grooves
Of the other larger half moon
He brings my train of thought to an ugly end
He mutters, " get off the bed, its time to get dressed. "
I leave the room thinking about half moons
And how sometimes even little spoons get used

i love that you hate it when i smoke
i love that you worry when i don't eat
i love that you make me take an extra coat

so,
while we fight,
i still wear your red sweater

warm and stale cola reminds me of home
of warm breeze
of the stinging sun before rain
of home

I look at my wrist and see little grapes clustered were your fingerprints left tiny hints

of maybe too much pressure

purple and blue ink stains where you grab me ever so softly

(or firmly)

around my waist and in the hard lines of my collar bone

like blackberry juice after a long day of picking type stains,

different stains are left on the skin on my neck

and the start of my *******, but these are lighter

and they do seem to flutter in lines down my shoulders

the ones that do make me moan more

the ones that do bring me closer

Love drifts
like a stream of water it can gradually and quietly ware out a new path off course if you don't pay attention to it
small adjustments over time accomulate
small stones  around my heart  
that took up space you left
grew into piles and then pyramids
in that space he also slipped in,
or the idea of him
the idea of being loved the way i needed
the way i needed brought me down a stream i didnt except and i made a mistake,
i left too much space between the stones
But as always you have the patience and strength of those tall pines we saw in Washington
and your loving hands warm the stones around my heart and slowly unpack the pyramids into piles, and the piles into just a handful where the idea of him has slipped away
as you take back the space you had left
and love streams make their way back to you

I yearn to love  
  
                                f l u i d l y,
          
yet I love so;
                    *abrasively

"Darling, you don't have to break open my rib cage to hear my heart,"

she whispered as she slowly unfastened his red hands from her jagged chest.

she gently lay his head  on her ****** breast, "listen," she said,

"it's still here you don't need to hurt me to make it beat for you."

she closed her eyes and smiled weakly.

she let the loving pains set.

i saw the future you, 10 years from now
holding a baby boy and tickling him in the pool
i kept glancing at this stranger with love glossed over my eyes
because i want to know you in 10 years
i want to go to the pool with you and play with a baby boy
i want to grow old with you
i don't need anyone else ever again

i will love you,
    until i learn to love myself

I,
a casualty,
          of the absence of your love
                              of a war with no cause
                                       of a memory now lost

my bed talks about you as i try to sleep
the sheets whisper stories about your skin,
the smell of soap and sweat,
the smoothness that met roughness at your scars and seams
the pillow remembers your curls and dreams
and the way you would fold it under your chin to better look at me
my hips remember your hand placed on them gently,
with subtle entitlement and obvious love
my neck remembers the light kisses at dawn,
to make sure i was still beside you
my knees remember your knees,
and how they would brush against one another,
every once in a while
my lips still recall the feel of yours in the darkness,
before my eyes had the chance to open

My heart is so heavy, could you please carry it for me?

why is yours like sand always slipping through my shivering fingers?

I yearn to embrace it
tightly, but you won't let me.
I want to show your heart  how tenderness and kindness are maybe
not so frightening
But you,
won't even show me what it looks like.

Where have you gone?
you have been a stray for so long
you don't always have to pretend you are strong...

I'm not, strong.
but I'm stronger than you,
I can take care of you if you need me to.
yet  you can't even show me a fragment of your truths...

And,
I think I need proof.
that you're still here,
and that you're wanting to be in my
atmosphere.
because it really is not clear

if you want this or not

all the times that i fought...
for you
yes, always you.

Proof you know this word don't you?
that's the kind of thing you like facts,
numbers and straight lines.

When the word love slips clumsily from my lips into yours
it has a hollow taste,
it feels like a waste
maybe I love what you used to be
maybe that space is now empty.

There was a day where your lovely soul
got traded with one belonging  to  that of a paper doll's

I have been smoking
Three malboros
Each night I drink
To prove to you that I've changed
Into something you'll hate
And my naive ****** throat
burns with the smoke
But it does not burn
as much as being alone
it was your birthday
three days ago

no one's caress

can  fill that emptiness

that swallows you whole

that becomes the master of your soul

when your heart has a crack

there's no way to change it back

it'll run right through

until it has consumed you

no amount of love

can undo the damage done

like the northern wind,
a strong wander lust
i leave a trail of magic seeds
i leave a trail of dust

longingly,
you stand at the door way
indignant hands cupped
you've collected all the seeds
but you've lost all the dust

i am not
okay,
i love you more
than i remembered
i regret every moment
i sulked instead of enjoying you
i am punishing
myself for every opportunity
i gave up
to look at  you
or tell you i loved you
  or kiss tears from your face

candy hearts and love songs
seem  bitter
this dreary winter day does not look like love
february 14th does not fix everything
but it does remind me to be patient
and to try to be sweetness
and to be a little more forgiving
this is not the Valentine you wanted
but it is the one I have to give
it's me trying for you
trying to be softer
this valentine is not just a gift for a snowy Wednesday
it is a testament to three years together
and this Valentine also shows that the fourth valentines day together does not have to be the best
we just have to try
for candy hearts and love songs
to feel the way they used to

Like I would a broken winged bird I will nurture our love until its pureness surpasses the venom of past serpent(s).
I will run to you passed the hurtle that broke my ankle the first time.
I will rhyme for you enough times to make up for poems made for my past.
I will love you in all the right ways, I will not leave room for the future discovery of old mistakes.
Oh my dear, how I will love you.

If  I could I would drip all your pain into a flask

I would drink it so the pain in you wouldn't last

I'd rather the pain pass through my lips

than see you the way you lay here limp

my darling if I could drink your pain

I'd even shoot it through my veins

anything to keep you safe