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495 · Dec 2012
Christmas with you
steel tulips Dec 2012

i sob
we fight
i punch you with all my might
you laugh at my minuscule fists
i look up
you tenderly kiss
my tightly clenched lips
i lace my fingers behind your neck
as we quietly mend
consistent with our outrageous trend
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495 · Aug 2012
always worth the risk
steel tulips Aug 2012
never worth more
than a night;
or two
somehow;
it was always worth the risk
losing her to this
point of non existence
every hardened kiss
and hushed voice
was worth the risk
of making the wrong choice
getting what he wanted
was always  worth more
than the  girl;
who carried her worn soul
in a tightly clenched fist
it was always worth the risk
even if she would never be fixed
480 · Nov 2015
A 2am ode to you
steel tulips Nov 2015
ending up with you
is one of the only things i'm certain of
as each day passes i love you more than the last
and you make the hours go by so fast
drops of love keeping falling into a bucket
that never seems to over flow
as there is always room for more
and i'll always have more to give
you love me even when I'm crazy
you love me even when all the walls are closing in
and all you can do is look through the window
and smile sweetly
you love me even when im angry
and punch you in the arm
with all my might
though luckily my might isn't enough to bring harm
you love me even when i can't love myself
and then you reteach  me how
until i figure it out
477 · Nov 2014
Pedestal
steel tulips Nov 2014
I compare myself
to a military wife
because i too
did not sign up for this
the only way i can deal
with you choosing
something over me
is be putting you
on an untouchable
pedestal
and pretending
you are doing this
for another cause
other than yourself
you are not fighting
you are not honourable
the only war you are fighting
is with yourself
the only thing you are sacrificing
is me
and that doesn't seem
to be a sacrifice at all
I apologize to anyone
who actually is loved
by someone who
left them
for the greater good
I'm sorry,
because
your bond
should never be misunderstood
471 · Nov 2015
Hell
steel tulips Nov 2015
i still wake up
in cold sweats
from a dream
that was set in hell
a dream
that remembers
hell
as it was,
that night
i found the devil
i still
feel the flames of his hands
licking
my skin
my burns
are still there
though
no one wants
to see them anymore
time
does not
heal all wounds
it just allows
for others
to feel more comfortable
and forget them
gasoline
is embedded in my skin
it was sewn in
with thread made of
sin
allowing for
the smallest ember
in the form
of a possible threat
to hold power
that relights
the inferno
even
if i wasn't really
going to
get burned.
my mind
wanders
when
walking home
in darkness
in a small dress
the ground gets hot
as hell creeps in again
i walk faster
as to not burn my feet
and to avoid
the sight of
that same devil
in the pupils
of some other creep
463 · Oct 2014
transparent
steel tulips Oct 2014
spread so thinly,
you could see through her.
transparency, made her weak
she wore her heart on her sleeve.
she breathed you in like stardust and dreams.
you left her suffocating, and cheap.
steel tulips Dec 2012
usually words   s p u t t e r,
but your
              dilemmas
make me
             unforgivably...
                                         *speachless
steel tulips Mar 2015
i let you in,

again,

i promised myself i wouldn't.

you,

now in the depths of my mind aren't who you used to be

you don't match the memories

we did things that night in a detached lonely way

with the mentality of " for old times sake"

after months static of silence

you say you want me

in a whisper, almost violent

i offer myself to you

as the whiskey warms up my veins

but even now,

i know you won't have me

in the way you really mean
461 · May 2013
agony is tiresome
steel tulips May 2013
my shoulders are tired from trembling
my eyes dry from watering
my throat is hoarse from sobbing
my heart hopeless from loving
                
               *you
steel tulips Jan 2017
do not confuse rage for emotion
our EmoTions are in check as
we calculate and
devise a plan to
proverbially
and literally
peal
your
hands off our *****
do not confuse a women's tears for fragility,
for her tears are full of pain and anger and the future,
that does not need to include you
you were not considered in the plans of the matriarch,
not out of hate
but simply because you are unimportant
do not confuse her hips for beauty,
those hips are waterways to life  
that you have no right  to even
lay your weak eyes open
you cannot make the calls
do not confuse
losing to being lost
losing lives
losing songs
and
voices
and
laughter
and
our bodies

and POWER

does not mean that this ocean
of strong woMYN are lost
We  have always been found
and we will too,
overcome the darkness in you.
steel tulips Oct 2013
with my eyes wide shut,
and my mouth locked open,
try and tell me what its like to be broken
pain like a fire, yet detached and frozen
they say its my fault,
the life i've chosen
drowning yet parched,
this longing is tearing me apart
and i never chose to love you
steel tulips Nov 2013
In pain,
We both lounged for the throat
In vain,
it was us who lost the most
I'm sorry for letting my weakness melt me into the mold
of a teenage *****
Ever day my happiness,
Leaves a a taste of bitterness
I can't quite clear from my tongue
nor the separate segments of taste buds

But as you already know I am selfish
And will keep using the cards I've been dealt with

I have been broken and now I am crooked
I drink happiness like it will soon be diluted

I am sorry
But really I'm not
You've been stepping on my face and my dreams
for far too long.

Yes you felt you owned
And yes you felt everyone owed!
but he was never yours to keep,
And I will never owe you for any deed.
steel tulips Sep 2013
The loyal the lovely will always be left
Lovers like leaving the once lonely making them only more lonely then before.
My lovers love and then leave
Why am I so easily left?
There must be too much longing in my loving gaze
There must be too much lonesome in my lonely face.
Must be why the love I find always strays away.
Never let yourself feel love in the midst of lonely
444 · Dec 2012
11:08
steel tulips Dec 2012
your fabricated words are music to my hungry ears that savour any kind of ******* words you feed them.
malnourished,
in the most petty of ways,
i salivate,
                     for your majestrate ,
                                         to ******, to hug, to look at me,
to see me
  
to see me.
433 · Jan 2013
Loving Pains
steel tulips Jan 2013
"Darling, you don't have to break open my rib cage to hear my heart,"

she whispered as she slowly unfastened his red hands from her jagged chest.

she gently lay his head  on her ****** breast, "listen," she said,

"it's still here you don't need to hurt me to make it beat for you."

she closed her eyes and smiled weakly.

she let the loving pains set.
432 · Jul 2012
12:02
steel tulips Jul 2012
acid flickers in my clenched throat where the words used to come from,

there aren't any left my tongue can't  find the way to form them.

so easily, still sleeping, you cut out my tongue shoved it down my throat

my eyes are saucers and yours are closed dreaming about someone else's words.
430 · Oct 2013
Yo Quiero
steel tulips Oct 2013
quiero amar
quiero querer felicidad
quiero sentir
por favor ,ya no quiero sufrir
steel tulips Nov 2013
I just realized You might deteste me
as much as I hate her...
a very disturbing thought indeed
Sorry,
again .
429 · Dec 2014
an encounter
steel tulips Dec 2014
he made love to me without knowing me,
he kissed my ******* as if he had never seen
anything so beautiful.
he kept muttering,
" I can't believe this is happening".
he kissed my eyelids
and my lips,
he let me stutter about how long it had been.
he stopped
and laughed with me,
when we heard voices
outside of the hostel room.
he cooed foreign  loving words
in an australian tongue.
a mix of old english and indigenous
though he wouldn't want to admit it
he made me feel like i was enough
and that i owed him nothing,
he made me feel like i was perfect
on my own,
that i didn't need you
to be a good person.
he doesn't know you,
so he doesn't know you
are a missing part of me
so maybe you
aren't anymore

we sat naked
wrapped up in a sheet,
sitting on the sill of a window.
we watched the night turn into
morning and people
alone and cold
on the dimly lit streets
and he kissed my check
when
he told he had someone,
like i had you
and that he finally
felt like himself too.
we left and drank dark beer,
the woman said it would
cure his flushed face
her words made
made it worse
we walked the quiet sleepy streets,
holding hands in his coat pocket.
the next day he flew away
like you did
but he made me feel whole
and like i could be
on my own
instead of the way
you make me feel empty
and useless
429 · Feb 2013
improvement (10w)
steel tulips Feb 2013
she,
cried herself to sleep
4 nights
               out of 7
426 · Oct 2013
Still I Ache
steel tulips Oct 2013
Still I ache,
Its been four months since our last date.
Images of your face,
Still run through my mind most days.
I remember you in my shower,
I remember you in my chair,
I remember you half naked taking up space
And breathing my air.
I remember you kissing my nose with smiling lips,
I remember you placing entitled hands on the curve of my hips.
Okay maybe four months ago we weren't so good,
But how about the twelve before those? or the other sixteen before those?
Do you ever, find yourself remembering me?
Do you remember me smiling as I kissed your cheek?
Still I ache,
And its been four months since I've seen your face.
425 · Apr 2015
you see me
steel tulips Apr 2015
you whisper lovely things
into my back
as you
kiss down my spine
you tell me you could
write sonnets in my freckles
and keep dreams
in the valley of my backbone
you run your fingers
along my ribs
like a harp
and you thank them
for taking care of my lungs
and of my heart
you mumble,
that my hips
were made for your lips
to perpetually be against them
and somehow
you kiss every
unseen scar
and you see through
my stone walls
as if they were glass
423 · Sep 2013
I Love You
steel tulips Sep 2013
he made me stop saying those three words
that made it feel okay
he said stop saying that,
it doesn't feel
right
anymore.

after he took it
(ripped it, snatched it, shook it)
from me
he didn't let me say
Those three overused words
said by overused girls
anymore.
because it didn't feel
right

did it feel
right

squeezing my wrists so
tight

pinning me down
on one of your drunken
nights

thrashing into
me
with all your
might

not letting me
Fight.

he didn't let me say the three words
that made it feel okay
he had to take
every last trace of innocence
  away
Edited.
I saw the muse of this poem last night on the bus, and almost threw up. Aka inspiration .
423 · May 2013
six pounds since sunday
steel tulips May 2013
a hunger strike without cause,
you don't care how much weight i've lost
finally my unhealthy tics are not your problem
jut your fault,
i wish i was free
but they never cease to haunt me
422 · Nov 2013
damaged goods
steel tulips Nov 2013
falling in love again
though this time it does feel more graceful
not quite so fatal
is love still love, when it does not hurt?
my heart is damaged goods,
i dont remember how its supposed to work.
421 · Oct 2016
moonlight hours
steel tulips Oct 2016
you let your body go  heavy,
limp,  
you are draped over me.
your broad shoulders slightly rise and fall to the rhythm of your breath
bare skin to bare skin
the minuscule space between our sillouettes
radiates heat and energy
the moonlight shines in through the window
just enough to see the freckles sprinkled on your back
the sheets are tangled
at the tips of our toes
my little toes
and your larger ones
i drift in and out of sleep
each time remembering that i have you
and my lungs fill with satisfaction
and peace
you are slightly too heavy for me to sleep deeply
but i  never want the weight of you to leave my frame
steel tulips Dec 2013
you, my Pale Blue Eyes
you, sweet tender company
you,  Sun to my Moon
416 · Aug 2013
Beautifully Broken
steel tulips Aug 2013
You are beautifully broken
The words that are spoken, in my mind
The words that you speak
They fall shattered through your teeth
The way you stare, the hollow look in your eyes
Makes the fact I'm your everything
no surprise
The way your hands shake
when you don't get your way
The way that you lie
When i ask if you'd cried --

You are majestically mangled
The voices in your head are endlessly tangled
I know its because your young soul has been strangled
over
      and
             over
                       again.
I know its because being let down
has been your most faithful friend
I know its because of the memories that keep you awake
that your afraid i wont want to stay
I know its because you've been broken and fixed
in all the wrong ways
You're a broken leg healed badly
Fallen victim to hockey skates
oldie found amoung my creative writing stack
414 · Apr 2015
i could love you
steel tulips Apr 2015
and in time
i think i could
i think i would
love you
give me a moment
to slip into you
and feel your soul rub against mine
give me some time
to feel your dreams weave into mine
give me some time to
feel comfortable
letting you down
because sometimes i will
give me time to feel
that'll you still want me
when you find out
I'm not exactly who you thought i'd be
when jealousy
and a lusting for independence
put a strain on  us
when i know that strain
will only weave us tighter
then i will let myself fall in love with you
414 · Dec 2013
Hollow
steel tulips Dec 2013
a hollowness heavy with pain
nestled in the safety of my ribcage
my walls are thin and fragile
from the constant carving from within
hollow and weightless
as if blown thinly from delicate glass
i wait for these lovely walls
to quietly  collapse
408 · Dec 2014
a lonely love
steel tulips Dec 2014
sometimes i hope you feel the same
and I'm not writing about love in vain
do you feel as deeply as i do?
i suppose if you did i'd still have you
do you feel love, happiness and pain?
i suppose you do,
just not for me.
i feel like more often than not,
love is unidirectional,
and for that sadistic reason,
mine does not cease to grow for you.
most of my love,
has been  a longing
kind of love.
a lonely
kind of love.
403 · Mar 2013
Empty Chase
steel tulips Mar 2013
That exquisite pain you crave

when chasing the never obtained

       then you do obtain...

...life seems plain

and without that lovely taste

  that you still crave

Because winning,

ruins the game
402 · Aug 2015
tan lines (20w)
steel tulips Aug 2015
you write stories with your lips
on  the  tan lines of my hips
I've been missing you
and your dog
402 · Jul 2014
no coincidence
steel tulips Jul 2014
it's no coincide that the lines of your lips lock perfectly on the lines of mine
that the nape of my neck was made for your chin to rest in
that the small of my back leaves a gab between me and the bed for your arm to slide under
its no accident that my fingers fit between yours like they remembered them,
the very  first time they held them.
401 · Jul 2014
far away boy
steel tulips Jul 2014
letters and phone calls are not enough to keep me whole.
i need my boy to be in front of me ever muscle every bone.
your shirt is loosing life as the smell of mint  and cheap soap loosens its hold.
i memorized the patterns of your scars, and the shape of your nails for lonely nights i wouldn't being seeing your face.
now it all seems like a made up dream.
being with you has been lonely,
half the time I've been longing for you to hold me.
2 months to go
399 · Dec 2012
Nights Crawl into Days
steel tulips Dec 2012
I went to bed thinking of you
I woke up dreaming of you
I breathed in fragments of your soul
a long time ago,
Before I knew what they were made of;
Before I knew what they would make of;
Me.
Days fall into nights
Nights crawl into days
and a still crave the feeling of your face;
Against;
Mine.
I miss you...
in the kind of way people don't like to admit
You're the memory of a bottle to subtly trembling lips
397 · Dec 2014
i like getting lost
steel tulips Dec 2014
I like getting lost with you,
in the city,
and in your words,
I like wandering streets
in hazy moonlight.
and an urban glow.
i like arriving late with you
because,
we don't care about the pub anyway
i like smiling and sipping on cheap beer
i like brushing my legs against yours,
as we laugh.
i like kissing your new lips
(lips new to me)
i like your smile,
(you smile a lot).
i like your grinning lips
and how they push through when we kiss
i like how you always manage to pull me in close
i like it when your nose
touches my nose
i like how you make me get lost
in you
and in thought
i like how i forget to breathe
when you're real close to me
i like this kid
steel tulips Oct 2013
you taught her what love was,
then left,
she would  never be the same again


                               *s.v
393 · Feb 2015
Be My Valentine
steel tulips Feb 2015
your smile is ******* amazing.
but so is the solemn look you get when you stare at my lips
and so is the one you get when you run your hands slowly down my hips
you are a beautiful person.
you love your dog more than most people can love each other
you drive me at midnight in the middle of the winter to get tacos and have a picnic
When you kiss me, eyes closed
I feel your light seep into my bones
its the closest thing to heaven I've ever known
393 · Oct 2012
No One
steel tulips Oct 2012
no one's caress

can  fill that emptiness

that swallows you whole

that becomes the master of your soul

when your heart has a crack

there's no way to change it back

it'll run right through

until it has consumed you

no amount of love

can undo the damage done
393 · Jul 2012
don't let me use you up
steel tulips Jul 2012
you give a little, so i take a lot

I'm sorry that i always need more from you

I'm sorry that my hunger for your eyes is endless

when did i become this way

you must be so tired
392 · Dec 2012
june 17th
steel tulips Dec 2012
She said i went to sleep thinking of you.

With the bitter taste of loose ends in the back of my throat.

She said i went to sleep thinking about how I'm more lonely with you than i was by myself.

She said i went to bed thinking about the empty glass globe inside my diaphragm,

You used to fill it warm loving liquid,

and now it chimes and echoes in the cruel hollow ways only glass empty things do.
388 · Jan 2016
How Many Sunrises
steel tulips Jan 2016
I disintegrate
Again,
At the thought of growing up
growing old
At the thought of
Consequences
Of making love
(you actually do make something)
I fall apart,
At the thought of forever
At the thought of
How many times
The sun will rise
In my forever
How many times
Will you forgive me
How many times
Will you fall inlove with me
again
How many times
Will you fall out of it
How many times
Will i almost give up
How many stars
fit in your always?
I come together
At the thought
Of watching your hands
Age and harden
I come together
At the thought
Of lovers before you,
Forgotten
I look forward to the slow fading
Of life before you
As time passes and I realize
I've  been with you for longer,
Than not
You are the ink
On my polaroid picture
And
Love is the oxygen
That develops it
You are the image
That appears and
Allows me to forget
The blank space that
Was there before
You were that first sip
Of water I drank
before I knew i was dry
And you are
The last drop of water
That leaves me
Wanting more
You are the moment
I realized that looking up
at flickering lights
is just an ocean of
other planets' suns
You are a sun
to a humble planet
that only I find familiar
you are my
very own sun
386 · Jun 2013
Bitterness (10w)
steel tulips Jun 2013
Can one die from bitterness?
well,
        I surely hope so.
385 · Nov 2014
Aid
steel tulips Nov 2014
Aid
a lump in my throat grows
as the distance between our hips widens
my hands begin to shake as
i lose the taste of your lips
i gain pounds to fill
the void of your silence
i don't want myself either Aid,
i fall apart
as your dreams come together
the ugliness inside
comes to the surface of my honest skin
no more forever and evers
no more kisses to cover my sins
384 · Dec 2013
wounded (20w)
steel tulips Dec 2013
still the many cuts  on fingers are fresh
from the memory of your skin
those painful imprints of your caress
379 · Dec 2014
My Bed Still Dreams of You
steel tulips Dec 2014
you are nothing,
but a mirage at this point
you've                 evaporated
from the earth of my dreams to
make       images    of      love  
when I'm dying of thirst
for  your  touch
youaremeanttobehere
in my bed in my arms
you are meant to be in my life
though I'm not meant to be in yours
how  can  the  universe  be so  cruel
to  line  up  my   stars   with   yours
butlineupyourswithsomeoneelse's?
Most days i wake up and still
expect you to be next to me
or i expect to find a note saying
you've  gone  for  a  morning  ride
mostdaysIwakeupthinkingyouloveme
it takes me a few moments to wake up
and            realize          you         don't
i half expect you to write to me
and tell me about your day
(i fully expect you to write to me)
i refresh my inbox in a very lonely way
and    it   apologetically   comes    back
empty                   each                    time
it can see the emptiness in my eyes
a work in progress
379 · Apr 2016
Tower Beach
steel tulips Apr 2016
laying across damp  citrus cedar logs
I loosely hold the tips of your fingers with mine
the cold salty spring air keeps me chilled
as the melodic crashing  of waves
and  blanket of stars over our heads
hold us still
in a magnetic field
of love and celestial bodies
steel tulips Feb 2014
one
You took it from me
You smiled as you thrusted
You said you were drunk

two
You were perfection
I pretended you were *one

Then everything changed

three
  You smoked cigarettes
You listened said I was not alone
I cheated on two

four
You were just a friend
You kept asking if I was okay
You knew I wasn't

five
Blue eyes and shyness
You mended with tender love
Then you left for good

six
You were wild and fun
You said I was lovable
I felt whole again

seven
I was much too drunk
Your friends heard us through the walls
I don't regret you

eight
Your scar turns me on
So does your smile and your laugh
My soul loves Your soul
375 · May 2013
how does life go on?
steel tulips May 2013
how is it that life goes on?
the sun keeps rising and setting,
people continue their busy routines
as if,
nothing has happened.
but today you have stopped loving me,
how can strangers not see it is the end!
of everything...
how is the sorrow in my eyes not enough to make the world stop turning?
how is the immense hole in my stomach not big enough to make the waves stop crashing against the shore?
how can I go on,  if no one has even noticed my heart is so completely  broken.
how do I eat or sleep, knowing you no longer want me?
how can i go on if no one has even noticed something's wrong.
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