E v e r y,
                place you touch
                                             leaves
                                                        a
                                                          lavish
                                                                   t r a i l
                                                                    of  goosebumps.
                                                                                                     ..
                                                                                                       ...

awkward  angles in your car,
tonight we didn’t seem to drive too far
foggy glass
and awkward eyes meet
shoulder checks
in your backseat
ruined new upholstery
finally you seem to be through with my harlotry
i shimmy on what i believe to be mine
the car is in gear,
we sit in silence for the duration of the ride

I keep dreaming
of people who leave me
I even wonder
in times of deep slumber,

where I went wrong.

When the memory of you becomes a bit too fond,
a bit too strong,
When the hollow space in my heart makes its walls a bit too thin,
a bit too singed
my hands clasp together,
as if,
one were yours.

Just like those desperate baby elephants that get left behind,
and comfort their loneliness by holding there tails with their trunks,
As if it were enough.
As if it felt like being loved.

Everyday I take the metro to college
Everyday I pass your stop
Everyday I expect to see your car picking me up,
Every day you still don't love me again,
and I don't get off at your stop.

he made me stop saying those three words
that made it feel okay
he said stop saying that,
it doesn't feel
right
anymore.

after he took it
(ripped it, snatched it, shook it)
from me
he didn't let me say
Those three overused words
said by overused girls
anymore.
because it didn't feel
right

did it feel
right

squeezing my wrists so
tight

pinning me down
on one of your drunken
nights

thrashing into
me
with all your
might

not letting me
Fight.

he didn't let me say the three words
that made it feel okay
he had to take
every last trace of innocence
  away

Naps,
And neck kisses.
Sleepy warmth.
Your hand brushes away curls
That my hand misses.
Watching lazy movies,
Being held in your content arms
You Breathe in my hair.
You mumble,
  it smells tropical,
And much too good.
You say,
I'd keep you here forever,
If I could.

A poem is a tangle of lines
A poem is a tangle of lives
      
     intertwined
    interconnected

A poem is a biography of emotion
A poem is what cannot be spoken
A poem is hearts secretly broken

A poem is falling in and out of love
A poem is taking a train just because
A Poem is a textual tease
going over the what if's and maybes

Its asking yourself what if time slowed down

Its wondering why you always start to drown
     when things were just getting good

A poem is refusing yo talk about the weather
Its not not letting you avoid the elephant in the room

Its making you look into my eyes,
demanding the truth

Your lips are the ripest plum;
that I cant keep myself from bitting

The ridge of your nose is the loveliest curve;
that I cant keep from tracing

Your eyes are a deep arctic ocean;
I can't keep myself from falling  into

oh how hard it is;
to resist
the delectable sweetness
of your tender kiss

Your body's the Earth,
mine's the Moon,
I can't help making love to you

Thinking of your cold fingers  tracing my spin and making circles on my neglected skin,  makes the air I breathe thin.  Your eyelashes flutter with embarrassment as you try to to steal a kiss from the nape of my neck that was yours all along. Shivers wrap around me like a cloak though all I feel is your body's warmth.

Come home faster my dear.

I,
a casualty,
          of the absence of your love
                              of a war with no cause
                                       of a memory now lost

Going through the motions of making love
making nothing and feeling undone
Sitting hunched over at the edge of his bed
I'd never admit it but sometimes,
I'd like to be held instead
I've never known the feeling
Of that little spoon
The one that sits in the grooves
Of the other larger half moon
He brings my train of thought to an ugly end
He mutters, " get off the bed, its time to get dressed. "
I leave the room thinking about half moons
And how sometimes even little spoons get used

"how are you?"
"good, considering."
"considering what?"
*(i am unloved)

I even miss the things I didn't like about you
The way you'd play drum beats with your palms against any surface
The way you sped, even in the city
The way you lied through your teeth, with a smile
The way you  looked after we fought, defeated
The way you made me fall inlove, with you

Still I dream if your sweet lips
Against
Mine.
Still I dream of us and wish I had
So much more
Time.
I adore you
I deteste you
I adore
I deteste
Until there's nothing left
(Of
me.)

Depression:*
an impression,
       on your soul
Left by something horrible

When did you stop loving me?
She whispered into the wind that ran through the trees
When did you stop loving me?
She wept into the deepest sea that swallowed everything whole
When did you stop loving me?
She sadly mumbled into the darkest of nights that absorbed every glimmer of light

Can one die from bitterness?
well,
        I surely hope so.

Please*,
   dream for me
        until i can on my own...

you told me i pushed you away,
yet we both know you had already left
me,
you left me before i had the chance to follow
but i guess that what you wanted
to leave me without a trace of you ever existing,
ever loving,
ever wanting,
me.

sometimes,
           i wish i'd die
just to prove myself right

a hunger strike without cause,
you don't care how much weight i've lost
finally my unhealthy tics are not your problem
jut your fault,
i wish i was free
but they never cease to haunt me

yes, you have broken my heart
must you continue to rip it apart?
i love(d) you so
perhaps its time to let it alone
please stop parading your ecstasy
stop getting joy from my misery
i love you so
please just let it alone

The days go by so slowly
when you're not here to hold me

You dropped me faster than I could fall
how do you make me feel so small?

I hope she is worth you time
in the way you were always worth mine

my heart is broken!
i wish i could scream this for everyone to hear at the top of my lungs
all that comes out is a breath of a whisper as i lay here curled up like an unborn child
but you have broken me, it is difficult for one to scream after being broken.

my shoulders are tired from trembling
my eyes dry from watering
my throat is hoarse from sobbing
my heart hopeless from loving
                
               *you

how is it that life goes on?
the sun keeps rising and setting,
people continue their busy routines
as if,
nothing has happened.
but today you have stopped loving me,
how can strangers not see it is the end!
of everything...
how is the sorrow in my eyes not enough to make the world stop turning?
how is the immense hole in my stomach not big enough to make the waves stop crashing against the shore?
how can I go on,  if no one has even noticed my heart is so completely  broken.
how do I eat or sleep, knowing you no longer want me?
how can i go on if no one has even noticed something's wrong.

The wet pavement glistens with the light of the lamp posts as mist swallows my frail body.
No one is around to see the red dark velvet growing around me.
No one can hear the shallow breaths I try so hard to maintain.
All he wanted was my purse, why did I scream?
Laying here my mind is full of images rapidly shooting through in fireworks; incoherent fragments
An overwhelmingly insane mix of
Smells--rust, daisies and raspberry pie, His cologne
Music-- the Beatles, rap and opera
Colours-- peach, aqua, and grapefruit pink,
Voices---His, my mother’s, my dog’s
Memories- I can see myself falling off a bike, giving a speech in front of my junior high school
Dreams-- I’m flying over my town and walking underwater
And my hypothetical future- my husband and beautiful laughing babies with bronze ringlets and hazel eyes
All this compressed into the few moments I have left.
Moments, so many moments in life that I’ve wasted missed and wanted.
Moments are now so literal they become minutes“My life has seconds left now”, I say as I take my very last breath and it all slips away.

I yearn to love  
  
                                f l u i d l y,
          
yet I love so;
                    *abrasively

she,
cried herself to sleep
4 nights
               out of 7

You are the smoke I never want to slip away through my fingers
I do my best to hold on to you and your half sewn soul
The beautiful scars embracing your heart
The darkness that has made you tired
The darkness that ignites little fires

 You are the smoke I never want to slip away through my fingers
Because you stay up with me for hours
You tell me it’s alright when I make mistakes
And that I cannot always have my way
 
You are the smoke I never want to slip away through my fingers
Because you are real and you are raw
And not always strong
You take care of my smile
Keep my feet on the ground
You extract feelings from me,
I thought would never be found
The ones I didn’t know existed
Your hands are my future
Your eyes are my dreams

They walked in together with flushed faces and cold ears, after walking for what seemed like minutes in the coniferous forest surrounding the cedar cabin. Those minutes were actually hours, but when they were out here time did a funny thing and sometimes stopped all together. He hung their coats in the closet as she stripped herself of boots and socks, with bare cold feet she walked across the patterned carpet feeling its fibres between her toes. She  perched herself on the couch in her favourite reading spot. He then too assumed his position on the couch allowing a space inside his outreached arm to be filled by her appreciative body. As she blankly gazed at the green life out the window, he gazed at her. Memorizing the freckles on the bridge of her nose and the way she puckered her lips without noticing. Absorbing all of her for a keepsake in case she decided to disappear as fast as she had come. This girl, he thought, is the most beautiful combination of genes and timing I have encountered in my life. But he didn’t mean physically, he meant her laugh and her stubbornness and how she believed she was spontaneous but every moment of her life was  planned. It scared him how much and how detailed he saw his future, and how she was undoubtedly in it as far as he was concerned. Sometimes he wished he didn’t feel so much for her, for them. He had been hurt before and he grew accustomed to the calluses around his heart.

She breathed it all in, slowly but thoroughly. She breathed in the warmth of the burning furnace, the smell of wood that was still alive. She breathed in his sent of musk, soap, and mint. She breathed in his delicious smell of love, his pheromones. This place was exactly what they needed, some time in a surreal place to remember each other and how well they used to fit. How well they do fit. The stress and distractions of everyday life were tugging at the strings that kept them woven together. All they needed was time to be silent together, time to think together about different things. She knew that their hands and souls would fit together again like they always had, if they just gave it a chance. And now, here they were in their own made happiness. Sitting  here as one piece of human, making love in the most innocent of ways.