i lose myself in the arctic oceans of your eyes
i see glaciers floating and melting
i see snow and vastness
as you un fasten my dress
i lose myself in your collar bones
i trace my fingers along the edge and down the *****
along your muscles and hopes
the muscles remind me of roads
that we have yet to travel
and you kiss my neck
i lose myself in your velvet voice
the way it gets husky
when you've had a long day
the way its sweeter than honey
when you ask me to stay
*and  you pull me close.

selfishly,
my darkness absorbed any light it could find,
that light was you.
i drank you up until i could stand on my own
i left you thirsty and without answers.
you filled a void someone else created.
you soothed the wounds as he carved them,
healed,
i went back to him in good condition
because of all your hard work
then i would return,
hopeless and cracked
you put my pieces back together so many times.
then one day i never came back.

I have to much time on my hands
thoughts of doubt flicker in and out
as I sit here alone
and the silence lets me finally hear the
pessimistic whispers of my own heart.
My mind and heart team up against me and
commit treason to my holistic well being.
"He's safe", I whisper back weakly
"I'm numb and he is safe."
I get up, rustle paper and clank tea kettles
and never sit in silence again.

one
You took it from me
You smiled as you thrusted
You said you were drunk

two
You were perfection
I pretended you were *one
Then everything changed

three
  You smoked cigarettes
You listened said I was not alone
I cheated on two

four
You were just a friend
You kept asking if I was okay
You knew I wasn't

five
Blue eyes and shyness
You mended with tender love
Then you left for good

six
You were wild and fun
You said I was lovable
I felt whole again

seven
I was much too drunk
Your friends heard us through the walls
I don't regret you

eight
Your scar turns me on
So does your smile and your laugh
My soul loves Your soul