this love,
can't be measured.
it grows in different ways.
the  more i know you,
the more i know myself

i guide your hands to where they need to be
breathlessly,
you follow the trail i blaze
wide eyed
you watch as i gaze
i, unfastened your innocence
and your locket of tenderness
you, unfasten the wooden buttons
on my summer dress
i, look at you your chest
  and the map of tan lines
you, look at me my freckles
and my milky skin,
its covered in what christians call sin
you, don't mind,
you say my skin has a glow
i smile and kiss your neck
make you crinkle your toes
i pull you close i look into your dreams
you take me in, you trace my creases and seams

heaven has never felt so close
yet some days i miss the melancholy
the  stale taste  of your ghost
i sip tastes of the sweetness he graciously pours past my lips
yet in my sleep when darkness and truth consumes i still see you
like a beacon your ugliness shines through the mist
wholesomely i love him, my love floats up high radiantly
like all love should grow
yet it remains  anchored sturdily  in the warm depths of  my soul
on the nights he's not home
and the disfigured memory of you
leaves a chill  in my bones
i remember how you really were dysfunctional and cold
i remember his love and his radiant soul
and how heaven has never felt so close

it was not a painful love
it was not an unpredictable, anxious love
she had never felt so wholesomely good
so purely happy
she had never loved so intrinsically well.
so balanced
she had loved this much before,
but she was loving in all the wrong ways.
before she lost herself in love
now she finds herself in it.

She woke up with bright lights and a broken heart
she fell asleep dancing and careless,
Last night  she was drunk on your love.

always, she helped with the rubble
she helped carry everyone's trouble
one by one she loved,
one by one they got better
and all she was left with
were the stains left by their trouble
and the aches from carrying the rubble
she tried to scrub out the stains
and soothe her own pain
but now no one would take her,
no one wanted to help carry her trouble.