One day we're going to be a "real couple." I'll invite you over, and you won't have to park around the corner. Maybe it'll even be when my parents are home. Maybe I won't need to sneak out. For now, you pull into the driveway of the church on the next street—but I don't mind the walk.

One day we'll be able to go on our First Official Date. We can go to that restaurant you like downtown, and I'll borrow a dress from my best friend because none of mine will look right. I think I'll love the city even more when I'm walking through it with you. For now we're grabbing fast food on stolen time, trying to get back to school before anyone notices we're gone. We get away with it every time.

One day I'll be able to spend the night. You'll wear those neon green sweatpants and I'll laugh at you for them, but you'll probably look good anyway. We'll watch old movies, like the one where Robin Williams and young Matt Damon go see about a girl, or the one where Audrey Hepburn spends her time in jewelry stores and doesn't name her cat. For now I can only come over for enough time to watch a few episodes of a show about a paper-selling company. I like it, though. I've always loved the theme song, and your laugh is still one of the best things I've ever heard.

One day I'll get in your car and we'll spend hours driving around, exploring and seeing where we end up. I won't worry about traffic being slow or getting caught, and you'll play your music as loud as we can take it while we try to find the best places around here to get lost. For now we talk about running away on the way back to my parents' world, and I wish with all my heart that we could one day. You don't let go of my hand the entire car ride.

One day I'll be free to make my own choices, and you'll be the only option that I want. For now I'm sixteen, and you're seventeen, and we're both young and naïve, and we both make wishes at 11:11. My favorite kisses are the ones that taste like your coffee, and you laugh at me for the time last year when I only liked tea. Sometimes I'm not good at hiding how sheltered I've been growing up, but you never seem to care. You make fun of my poetry, but I keep writing it anyway. I make fun of you for being way too into weight lifting, but I agree to try it with you sometime. And there's a lot we don't really know yet—but with everything I am, I love you and I love you and I love you, and that's exactly how I know that one day we'll be able to be anything and everything we want to be.

For now that's all I can say. But "one day" is much less of a daydream and much more of a promise.

You are my sun
My moon
And all my stars

Without you
I would have nothing to grow the flowers of my mind
Nothing to light the path in the dark of night
Nothing to gaze out at
When I need some hope
That there is more out there
For you and me

You are the metal rod in my spine
Keeping me from falling over

You are the pencil in my hand
Begging me to try just one more time

You are the smile
That lights up my face
When you whisper “I love you”

You are the pink elephant I clutch
As I fall asleep
Keeping me warm
You are the 18 pairs of Converse
Inhabiting my bedroom floor
Always providing me protection

You are my freedom
The thing I will always fight for

You are the tissue
Always wiping away my tears

You are the tracks on my brain
Reminding me of how lucky I am

You are the hose
Spraying down my burning kitchen
Washing away all the bad
To preserve all the good

You are my legs
Giving me the strength I need
To dive off the block
To sprint from the starting line
To wake up each morning just to see you

You are my camera
Snapping memories that will never fade

You are my safety knot
Always there if I need you
Always there even if I don’t

You are my favorite sweater
My security blanket
My warmth

You are my hands
Feeling the softness of your skin
The bite of the first snow

You are rainy days
Perfect for movies
Wrapped up in blankets

You are my heart
Filling my veins
With all they need
But most of all

You are my brain
Keeping me going
Making everything work
Giving me ideas
Letting me love you

You are my love

this is not a poem. this is a plea. this is me begging you to hear me when i tell you that i love you. my voice is weak and shaking like the branches of a willow in the wind. my hands are trembling like tremors under the surface of the earth. my vision is so blurred that i can barely focus my eyes as i type. i can feel the impending collapse of my lungs as they are further crushed by the weight of all my anxieties. my strength is fading, but i'm still screaming for you, only you don't seem to hear me. i'm reaching for you but you won't take hold of my hand. i swear to god i'm trying with everything i have to hold you together, but i'm terrified it's not enough. the very thought of your nonexistence consumes me in a fear i have never known. i have never been good at telling people i need them, but i can tell you how vacant this world would be if you left it. everything would change. you can't come in to my life like you did and then just leave it with no warning. you can't do that to me. you can't tell me that you want to marry me and then try to disappear without so much as a goodbye. you just can't. so i don't mean to make you feel guilty, i just need you to understand. don't you know what it would do to me if you left? how many times are you going to almost-die before you realize i will never be the same if you do?

i cried so much
that the cries turned into screams
and i drowned in my own salt water