I've learned that happiness
cannot be found in the form of a little
purple capsule.
I've learned that Pisa will have to wait until next time.
I've learned that the third mushroom
held in my sweaty palm was not as
big a deal compared to the other two opening my mind.
I've learned that a part of me
died that night where we ****** in a
room with no furniture.
I've learned that life is work and that
the molotov cocktail of Dubrah and eay mac
that came spewing from me left an orange tang
upon the floor.
I've learned that pain is better than numbness
and that jabbing a sewing needle repeatedly in my arm
was an educated decision.
Most importantly I've learned that together we are better than alone.

It took her
17 years to
realize that
monsters don’t
live under her bed,
but instead
within her.

It took over
Her mind.
It took over
Her body.
It was destroying her.

The pain of getting out
Of bed each and everyday
Was pushing intolerable.
It felt like she was
Shackled to the bedpost.

She felt heavy,
As if boulders were
Toppling over her.

They were the voices
In her head.
She fought the urge
To take the blade,
But eventually gave in.

She was screaming for help,
But her desperate screams were
Muffled and masked by
A forced smile and an ‘im fine’.
She was struggling to keep
Her head above the water,
But everyone was blind.

She fought the monsters,
Fought and fought,
And

Gave up.

This sharpener blade
Pressed on my skin
Drawing blood as I breathe in.
The scars will not fade
And the scars will not lie
About the story of my life.
The sickening felling I get afterwards
I know that this is no good.
There I  one thing that vegetable
One thing that makes me think
And that is the heartbeat
Which tells me that I'm alive
I cannot escape the feelings
Of never being good enough
I cannot escape the feelings
Of wanting to let go of life.
I'm desperate but still I can't accept
This life is just too hard to handle
So many people think I am strong
But they can't see the tears that fall.
I'm not good enough for life
I'm not good enough to stay alive.
With this cold blade pressed to my skin
I can feel the blood oozing
This lets me know I'm alive
That's the last thing I want to be.