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Stacy Mills Aug 2018
Things i want to say to you but i hold back.
And the toughts dont give me any slack
One thought one emotion rules till the end
I must forever and always remain your friend
But those demons at the back of my brain
Those are monsters i juat cant train
I ignore them always as best i can
But deep deep down i wish you could be my man
I know your getting married and i wont stand in your way
Just know ill be here for you any and every day
Stacy Mills Feb 2016
When your best friend thinks that its okay to lie
does that mean I can jump off the roof and then I can fly
how absurd to think that I wouldn't know the truth of it all
how absurd to think that I would not fall
I don't understand lies over dumb ****
not like I'd have thrown a fit
I don't care what it is that you sexually do
it has nothing to do with me its all you
I'm not the kind of person that would want to see you alone
and lying is something I just don't condone
you hide behind fears that I won't be your friend
but don't you realize no matter what you do I'm there till the end
my heart hurts and now and its kind of your fault
though I still really love you by default
I just wish that you could understand
losing you as a friend is something not planned
so if you'd please stop with all your ******* tales
so my heart can stop its incessant whales
with you by my side as a friend should be
with you standing right here next to me
and know that I love you no matter what you do
you're my best friend I just want you to be you
Stacy Mills Mar 2021
You always here about how it takes a strong man to love a broken woman; but how about that strong woman loving that broken man, or when two broken people are strong enough to love each other. I believe the two broken ones will make it further because they can empathize what the other is going through and learn how to help heal each other together.
Stacy Mills Jan 2016
I'm stuck in a rut
I don't know what to write
I'm stuck in a rut
I don't think I'm going to win this fight
I'm stuck in a rut
with nowhere to go
I'm stuck in a rut
and I just don't know
I'm stuck in a rut
no friends to help out
I'm stuck in a rut
but too proud to pout
I'm stuck in a rut
but I can't make me frown
I'm stuck in a rut
100 miles down
I'm stuck in a rut
just going to contemplate a while
I'm stuck in a rut
but you're just going to see my smile
I'm stuck in a rut
But guess what, I wrote
I'm unstuck from this rut
As I end this on a positive note
Stacy Mills Nov 2016
Well ****,  I put my heart on my sleeve again, Dumb!
I put my heart on my sleeve again;
I shouldn't have done that, I know what's to come.
Here's another heart ache on its way.
Here's another heart ache come out to play.
**** it what's wrong with my brain?
Why is that ******* thing so hard to train?
I know better, constant giving makes me insane!
I don't know what to do next.
My mind is so very vexed.
But for now I think I will just trust.
Because my heart says I must.
N if you smash it as I'm sure you will,
At least my notebook with poems I'll fill.
Words of beauty, love, and hurt.
Of this I can assert.
Because out of the worst pain I feel,
come words that are soul wrenchingly real!
Ones that reach down to your soul!
Ones that make a life changing toll!
So Imma sit back n see what I do now!
And acknowledge whats real n take my bow
...........
Stacy Mills Jun 2018
How many of you can say that sadly you have written another poem? I can. I can say almost every time, that sadly I have written another poem. Most my poems are dark and sad. Obviously I can't write poems about a happy ending that never happened, and I don't believe ever will; but I do wright everytime I'm sad, every time I'm suicidal, every time I have an overwhelming emotional overload! It gets me through. It keeps me alive. Sometimes I still have to cut just to know that I can feel, but most of the time my poetry helps me. My poetry gets me through. My poetry lets me breathe. My poetry is my release from all that garbage in my brain that doesn't need to be there; because I know better, I just can't help it. It happens. I'm human. So thank you to all of you that read my stuff. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being an ear when I really don't have any here. I know my stuff is depressing, I can't help that. Just know that because I wright and because you listen, I am alive, and thank you, thank you all from the deepest depths of my existence, thank you!
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
talking to you and pleasing you its almost like a dream
but in pictures things aren't always as they seem
you can write what you want and read what I do
but I'm not the kind of girl that thinks dreams come true
fairytales are in movies stories and books
I'm also not the kind of girl that worries about her looks
I have what I have and I am Who I am
I know I'm good looking so maybe I don't give a ****
I'd love to keep talking and seeing your smile
tho I haven't gotten any pics in quite a while
I really think I'm more interested in somebody who likes my mind
yeah of the kind of girls I'm that kind
Stacy Mills Jul 2016
My hatred for this town is growing at an exponential rate. I fear I'm walking on the edge n about to slip off into the deep end just praying I can swim. If I don't find a place and a job in another state soon idk how everyone around me is going to fair but I'm positive they won't like me for my actions and behavior.
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
Tired of the ignorance tired of the crap tired of the *******
it all makes me throw a fit.
Try n b the best u can n do for your friends
but **** it, why when everything ends .
Why put effort forth for anything when it isn't gunna go anywhere to begin with
true love n all that jazz is just a myth
so buck up baby n **** the rest
this is your life you only need to pass your own test
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
You seem to always leave me wanting more,
As I watch you walking out that door.
I find, around you, my heart starts to race.
snailish as it is; I really like this pace.
Testing the waters with each individual toe,
Keeping things, light, even, and slow.
I feel it's building a friendship I can trust.
Also forming deep inside.........a lust!
A desire to be close to you;
So as my heart raced, you'd feel it too!
To be as we where in my dream;
That's long off tho, or so it would seem.
And as I sit here wondering how you are,
I think to myself, "I like everything about you thus far.........."
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I put my heart in a box and gave it to you
It is yours now and with it u choose what to do
I know I jumped in probably too fast
And these feelings they may not last
But hearts can't love with out chancing it broken
So take my love as a good luck token
Because within your arms I feel safe and surrounded
Even though the feelings came so fast I was confounded
I couldn't help but to speak my mind
And you took my words and handled them so kind
So to you I've one last thing to say
I love you and have a wonderful day
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I cannot give I'm broke
I do not have that's no joke
What you ask I cannot abode
Still payin on what is owed
I'm sorry I cannot comply
And do not wish for a harsh goodbye
But I cannot do what is asked of me
For I have nothing you see
So no matter how it is you put it
I have no money not even a little bit.
I'm unsure as of how to name this. Any ideas?
Stacy Mills Sep 2019
I said, "Love me or leave me!"
everyone left.
Stacy Mills Mar 2021
Why do I always feel betrayal by those I choose to love. Why must everyone lie to me. Why can I roll my car the way I did and survive. I want to ******* die. Am I already dead and in hell, is this my hell to keep trying n then fail time after time. Well **** that. I'm done trying. I give up. I'm just going to exist. I'd stop existing  except I fail at that every time I've tried.
Stacy Mills Feb 2022
The loneliness is too much
The empty arms where overwhelming
The loss of her true love was too devastating
She didn't know how to cope
It hurt too **** much
But you couldn't see it
You where too blind
So you left her alone to suffer
Wishing you wanted her as much as she needed you
She sat alone with teas filled her eyes
You left her alone because you where too afraid to show her that you loved her just as much
You where too afraid to reach out and hold her close
You where to afraid to return the emotions she had no reservations lavishing upon you
You where too afraid to open your heart to the love she offered
So you lost her
You lost her because you let your fear rule
Too bad you couldn't show her how you truly felt
Too bad you constantly left her alone with her overthinking mind
Too bad you where alone with your fears.
Too bad she climbed the ladder while you stood there too afraid to move
Too bad you couldn't see how much she valued you above everyone else
Too bad you never lifted her up and helped her climb
In the long run you taught her that she doesn't need anyone
In the long run she learned that she can do it on her own
In the long run she taught you that her love will drag your dead weight with her as she climbs
Too bad you where unwilling to accept her pure love
In the end she showed you that despite your bullheadedness she will keep on keeping on and make it to the top where she belongs.
Despite your cowardice she won't stop until she reaches her goals
She is strong she is brave she is determined
she is looking at the future
she is unstoppable
You may have weighed her down and held her back but she will never give up
She is a fighter
She loves you so much
your dead weight only proves to make her stronger
She will make it with or without you sbut chooses to drag your sorry *** along with her to the top
She is that kind of girl.
You either accept it or let go
She won't hold on forever
Once she is gone you'll regret not lifting her up like she deserved
You know this to be truth
Yet you choose to look the other way and keep her in sadness
You choose to let her struggle instead of reaching out a helping hand
You choose to look at her tears and ignore them
You choose to block her out every chance you can
You'll learn
You'll see
You'll regret
But then it will be too late
She'll have moved on an risen higher than you could ever reach

My advice, look, see, listen ,help, share, communicate, lift, care, trust, cuddle, support, love and above all lift her higher than you ever have ever lifted anyone like she does you
You know she deserves it
You know she will make it without you if you Don't. She loves you and it will take the titanic to brake that kind of motivation. YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.
Stacy Mills Jun 2016
I am stuck living in the past tonight.
Trying to sleep with no prevail.
Constant thoughts of the one that is lost.
A reminder of all the ways,
the ways that I have failed.
Try to let go and ease the ache that eats away my soul.
I am broken now and realize that this pain may never go.
So I swallow hard and try to smile to hide the way I feel.
Deep inside,
I know this lie will keep me from moving on.
Alone in life,
as the same in death is how I will remain.
My hope is gone as I am bound,
to the Devil's gate.
This thought is held as I go off,
to take in my last breath.
To be at peace,
this shall never be,
actions with no refrain.
As I pass,
a picture remains,
of a tender smile.
My eyes turn gray as I fade away without you by my side.
Not written by me
Stacy Mills Aug 2017
Shoved deeper into this dark demented hole
So alone there's no one here to care or console
So I cut n I bleed n I hurt n I cry
I hate my life I just want to die
No one cares I'm alone and I'm lost
But I can't stop trying at any cost
I don't know what to say or what to write
This endless hole has no light
Only darkness that feeds on pain
Making me feel completely insane
These crimson pearls no longer help
I'm just a sorry sad *** loser welp
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
I haven't talked to my brother in over a year
He won't answer the phone or even come near
My thirteen-year-old has the cops at the door
And my 9 year old is playing PlayStation on the floor
I had just woke up and relaxing in an Epson salt bubble soak
The youngest crashes in so fast the door almost broke
"The cops were just here Mom they wanted my sister"
I'm thinking "oh boy her *** is going to blister"
What, when, where, who, and why
I get dressed so fast, jump in the car and fly
My child has stayed last night at my mom's you see
so that was **** well where I needed to be
I get there and find out what's going on
It's breaking and entering and that sort of con
All talked through now and punishments dealt
I love her immensely so I told her how I felt
My mom kept the girls so I coud clean up my floor
Then someone comes knocking at my door
The first was okay but Along Comes an unwanted
And I wasn't nice as my displeasure was flaunted
I got him to leave and along comes another of whom I'm not sure
As a large conflict was just resolved between I and her
So I'm relaxing now and guess what's next
My phone dings with an unexpected text
It's my brother to tell me what **** I am
And expect me to welcome him Open Arms back to the fam
Already riled with today's fine events
I lash back with words maybe a bit too intense
Overwhelmed with how the day has played through
Upstairs to my room to calm is what I had to do
Now that it's done and in past tense
And I've gotten out all of my vents
I say to my oldest girl," you ****** up but I still love you"
I say to my brother," you ****** up but I still love you too"
And to all of my friends I left wondering where I had gone
"I'm on my way back down so put on a good song"
WHAT A DAY!!
Stacy Mills Jul 2020
I find that I keep running away, but what am I running away from? I hate myself, so maybe I'm trying to run away from myself, but wherever I go, there I am! How am I to get away from what I hate most, when I am what I hate most?
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
"While he treats all women with respect, his woman gets special treatment. Why? Because she’s special and he needs her to understand that she is. That is the purpose he sees himself as serving: making her feel like the amazing, beautiful, incredible human being that she is."
___________________­____________________­__
"While she treats all men with respect, her man gets special treatment. Why? Because he’s special and she needs him to understand that he is. That is the purpose she sees herself as serving: making him feel like the amazing, handsome, incredible human being that he is."
Stacy Mills Mar 2016
I don't even understand why I tried to be with you
I should have realized trying for what I want it would only make me blue
I guess I learned that when you try to go for someone that is much more
you're just going to splat face first on the floor
doubt I'll ever learn how to give up though
because when I see something I want I go go go
this time I am going to leave it alone
I guess I'm afraid of the unknown
I just want to protect my heart
and all of those who have a part
if you're reading this and think that it's about you
think again cuz that's probably not true
Stacy Mills Apr 2018
I want to write a poem to explain how I feel
But I've so many already its unreal
You broke my heart, nothing new
Why did I let myself fall for you
You didn't seam care when I said I was done
I was really hoping that you where the one
Again I was wrong n let my heart get away
Maybe I'll learn not to one day
Stacy Mills Mar 14
When I die I don't want a funeral I don't want a memorial; maybe something for just my parents and my kids. the rest of the people out there in the world, I don't want them there I don't need them there. I realized after my surgery's when I was stuck home not allowed to do anything for months on end the only person that showed up and showed out was Nevaeh and even then I felt like **** for even having to ask her to be there for me because she's a teenager and she should be out doing teenager things not washing her mother's hair helping her get anything out of the cupboards helping her mother bathe basically do everything thing because i wasn't allowed to do anything myself. Did a single one of the people that called me friend come to help? no. My bestest friend of all time, was she there to even look me in the eye once? No. Did any single person that said they'd be there, even show up? No. Not a single one of them would help me in life there's no need for them to mourn me in death.
Stacy Mills Dec 2016
I hate it here but can't leave I just want to burn this town down
Sick of the drama sick of the pain sick of fake friends that I wanna drown
The tell u they got your back n will always be there for you but they r not
They'll leave you alone when you r at your lowest leave you to rot
So I'm done caring for all but my family and my God whom I know have my back
To all you others I say goodbye and as I walk away I hope your hearts stay black
******* ******* I don't need u anyhow
My family and my God are all I need now
Why
Stacy Mills May 2017
Why
I just want to die
I feel like the world would be better without  me
I feel like I wouldn't even b missed
I feel like I'm useless
I feel like I've no purpose
I feel like I'm not needed
So y can't I just die
Why can't I just leave this world
Why do I have to sit here in misery
Stacy Mills Nov 2021
I'm not in a ******* good place! What is wrong with me? Why do I chase the red flags like they hold the vile of life? Why am I attracted to the ones that hurt me even when that isn't their intentions? Why am I so ******* stupid?  Why do I keep trying? Why can't the higher power just take me already? Why do I always have to suffer? Why must there always be so much pain inside me? Can't I just be happy? Can't I just find my peace? I promised me I would stop running; but **** that's all I want to do! I want to run halfway into the trees and stop, just stop,  stop every single thing, stop moving, stop hurting, stop crying, stop  breathing, stop living, stop existing, just ******* stop all of it! Why to I have to keep trying and keep going and keep my head up? Why can't I just ******* stop?
Stacy Mills Dec 2015
I woke this morning with tears in my eyes.
I couldn't begin to tell you why.
my bed is empty my pillow is the best.
it out comphorts all the rest.
my chin is held high
but still I continue to cry
with no reason or rhyme as to why.
Stacy Mills Aug 2020
I am just a phase
A temporary object in people's lives
I am option
No one's priority
If I'm that easily thrown away
why do I even exist
You
Stacy Mills Aug 2016
You
You tease and tantalize me with the ****** photos in the dark and leave me wanting more with your wonderfully weaved words wrapping endlessly through my riled mind.
Stacy Mills Feb 2018
I don't think you get it I don't think you know
How these feelings inside of me go
I'll give you my all n chance my heart to be broken
But your feelings must also be spoken
But you don't n you keep them all locked away
I wish you would just speak what it is you have to say

— The End —