Last night I had about 12 different dreams in 12 different ways of killing myself I'm not suicidal this set of Dreams disturbs me am I going to die am I going to **** myself I don't want to I don't know what's going on anymore

So I've been sick for the past 5 days and I was contagious so I sent my kids to my mother so that way they didn't get sick as well and I had a sort of epiphany. The Awakening that happens within each of us is different within each of us because each of our stories are different. Maybe we don't all go through the same hardships maybe we don't have the same views. But we are all human and we do have path destined for each of us to take on our own. People will come and go in our lives and that's the only thing that's constant is that nothing lasts forever. Cherish the things you have and learn from the things you lost, and never forget to be kind because without kindness this harsh world would be horrible for everyone. Do what you can be what you can and love when you can. Each of us has our own path we must take and maybe it's not the path you planned on taking but it's the one you were meant to go on and it's why you are where you are it's why you are who you are Never take for granted the ones that love you or the ones that hate you because each is a lesson and a blessing and even if they do hate you love them because it's not them personally that hate it's just the path that's meant for them.

I said, "Love me or leave me!"
everyone left.

I wish I were prettier
I wish I were younger
I wish I were smarter
I wish I was skinnier
I wish I did not have to love with all my heart
I wish someone would love me back
I wish that person would want to keep me and not just use me
I wish I could mean so much to someone
I wish I wasn't alone so **** much

I am empty. I'm Hollow. you dumped me because it could not have children; so I end up pregnant and have to **** it otherwise I would die. I feel like I took from you what you deserve. no matter what I'm in love you. I need to stay away, but I can't, and I don't know how. I miss you and it hurts. I'm just so ******* empty!

I'm sorry I'm never enough

I enter a relationship giving my all and i fail every time
each ending I write an emotional cleansing rhyme
but the blow to the chest keeps getting  less and less
because i know im ok and my lifes not such a mess
it's not that i need anyone cuz I got all my **** covered
but with each relationship something new is discovered
i learn more about myself and who I am
so i can take that hit and still stand after the slam
i just wonder if ill continue to always care
or if my heart will even be there.
I do know that I will always continue to be me
So I guess ill just have to wait n see