talking to you and pleasing you its almost like a dream
but in pictures things aren't always as they seem
you can write what you want and read what I do
but I'm not the kind of girl that thinks dreams come true
fairytales are in movies stories and books
I'm also not the kind of girl that worries about her looks
I have what I have and I am Who I am
I know I'm good looking so maybe I don't give a ****
I'd love to keep talking and seeing your smile
tho I haven't gotten any pics in quite a while
I really think I'm more interested in somebody who likes my mind
yeah of the kind of girls I'm that kind

Here I sit all alone locked in
silently battling my fight with depression
tho someone always seems to be around
from them not a single care can be found
I cry and I cut to try to ease the pain
but sadly I know I'm completely insane
most of the time I have no reason to feel how I do
it doesn't matter cuz no ***** are given by you
and it's not just you that isn't there
I don't seem to have anyone that wants to care
I need to move away from this town this state this life
and maybe someday become someone's wife
but I know none of that will ever come to be
because I'm useless and no one would ever want me
so I end this poem with crimson regret
moving along in my life with so many a fret
so I say a perfect peaceful goodnight
as the dark red streak glistens in the moonlight.

My hatred for this town is growing at an exponential rate. I fear I'm walking on the edge n about to slip off into the deep end just praying I can swim. If I don't find a place and a job in another state soon idk how everyone around me is going to fair but I'm positive they won't like me for my actions and behavior.

Here I sit with blade in hand
wanting to leave this land
I lost a friend n now I cry
Wishing God would let me die
Stupid mistakes I can't take back
I feel as though I'm going to crack
if it wherent for my children keeping me sain
I'd let my blood wash away my pain

I haven't gotten out of bed much today.
I'm depressed n don't want to face the world this way.
Lost n confused
mentally abused.
Having to crush my best friends heart
is tearing mine apart.
What else was I supposed to do tho
I just didnt know.
So I did what I had to do
n now I'm nothing other than blue.

I changed my clothes brush my hair
Put on my make up to change my face
Play the part, play the role, it s not like they'll ever know

Pretend to be what they want you to be.
Please don’t look to close you might see the real me.
Is it really that hard. To like this face..

Now now don’t talk like that stay in your place
Do what is asked so nicely of you
Don’t say no, or they might not like you

GOD knows my struggle my pain is real
Oh come on how bad can it be, just deal
You don’t know my pain; is mine, not yours

Its not as easy or plain as you think
But when you are constantly told ..
Nevermind, just go on just blink, just breathe

The sun will come out tomorrow
Hold on pain ends
No one knows…no no now wait yes they do

Random words not much meaning
Unless you know how much it helps cleaning
When you can only make it go away when you
Wash, clean, wipe, scrub, wash, clean, wipe scrub, wash clean wipe scrub

Some may know not all do tho.
It’s a battle we fight on a daily.
Its not much to some but to us is crazy.

Now the flipside. No its not that
I like your face, but it looks nice with something
A touch of makeup …don’t cry about it geeze
It aint like im asking you to lose weight

Is it really that big a deal to do what is small in their mind
Even tho it’s a mountain in mine..
Try to help them see, make them understand

Yeah good luck there. You wont see them try ..
Wait wait hold on there  you know **** well
Its trying for them too. So why you go all off
I don’t know cause it makes me feel crazy inside
When my outside isnt good enough…
And I don’t wanna make it be attractable to anyone
For your reason or whatever I don’t want people to look at me
I don’t want them to see me I want to be and stay just invisible….
Just outta sight invisible. So no one might
Take a look at the damage and the scars
They are deep, they are not gone. They stay always

Don’t dwell move on don’t think, don’t breathe.
Just be still do the devils will
Bend fold break do what they drill in to you
Just blink, just breathe nothing else.
They might just see what all hiding behind your walls…

When JESUS COMES TO call those who suffer for HIS name
You will wish you were one of us by and by.
Thank you LORD
For your grace
Your love
Your mercy
Your help
Your strength
You are my all with out YOU I am nothing.