Not happy with the outcome keep working and striving too many detours and road blocks. Pursued a career ended somewhere else. Worked hard to be full time but a part time who works harder than a full time worker. So many let downs put my trust and confidence in the wrong people. I was a team player and you made it about yourself. Made the most of what was given to me and adapted. Working and not happy made mistakes so it's hard to go back only forward. The stress makes it hard to sleep over thinking till it makes me numb. Hard to breathe anxious to do good be better but it's never enough. Thick skin and tough shouldn't be tough others make rough. Don't want to do it anymore been doing it because it's right no one cares to do it you keep your head up when all you want to do is hide and run away.

To John...

Effused from an imagination.
Amorphic, vast as cosmos.
Invisible. not only for my heart.
You were around. always. everywhere.

Creation of a tender mind
a 10 or 12 years old innocent.
Living in solitude. unknown to its meaning.
also distant from the people around.

Trying to look for a friend
When everything was fading soon.
He himself added colours to it.
Painted you on his canvas.

From games to secrets unspoken.
From talking to shouting loud.
From fighting to re uniting.
Hadn't he found a perfect friend in you ?

You had cleared the crimson sky above.
Took all his blues away
mixed his blues. to the endless skies.
No wonder why sky became so bright then.

You were the beautiful bud.
that bloomed in autumn
to blossom round the year then.
and to add fragrance. to his life.

Hadn't you dissolved his wounds ?
Sipped it, gulped it. made it disappear.

Do you still remember days of yore ?
Or you've let them fade away ?
Though he hadn't let you fade away yet.
He's just stuck into things while growing up.

When at nights, he gazed the moon
remember how he used to take you
with him. for he was afraid of dark.
(Though he's still afraid of dark. one inside him)

And you remember how he
Often made you fool.
Saying that he knows language of moon.
And can make you learn the same.

He used to rant too much then.
And imagines you're listening to him.
It was so satisfying then.
Neither you complained nor he bothered about it.

You know, the diary he used to write.
In which he had written all the letters to you.
He threw it somewhere. In the river he still visit.
It's the only regret, which is holding him.

It's all written just to tell.
You still reside in his memories.
When everything else around turned rare
He bring out time to cherish moment. He care.

It's just a time game dear. don't worry.
Don't you feel He still miss you ? He do.

  
              From your only friend..
            (Sending you some memories wrapped up in love)

Sad how people are so jealous of one another. Why can't people be happy for one another; accepting of everyone's differences.  They see you as a threat because you're not afraid to try, step up to the plate. Asking questions instead of just taking what's given. He walks away but they provoke him once you strikes back, unleashes his wrath; they are quick to play the victim.
She cheated on him he confronted her; she cried and blamed him instead of owning up. His best friend got mad at him because his gf had a fling with his girl before they were ever anything. They slandered his name and judged him harshly. He quit drinking but now they are doing all the things that guilted him about doing. His ex and best friend got together to get back at him. He already walked away because they held a grudge but tried to make him a target but was not showing any weakness or giving into their deceitfulness not giving into the manipulation. He  never seen so much corruption.

So back in the days when I was a wild college student. I loved to drink and be very social, according to my coworker who was a high paid secretary said I was a wild child. On my down time when I wasn't being studious my peeps and I would have fun drink and meet girls. I'm over protective of my friends but did be a wing man for my Bros. I had a friend who liked a girl was not too tolerant of her but did down play my ego for my friend. Drinking is fun when people don't hate life or going through a break up feeling sorry for themselves. (Been on both sides) anyway one day the boys and I were drinking with this girl and her friends one was nice dating my friend now that I  recall. and the other was a pain in the *** wanting to be the center of attention. It was easy to block them out alcohol made things fun. Sober me disagrees but what does he know he's a loner. We drank at my friend's apartment a real **** hole but it was better than living in the doors. We would drink jack and coke fun times with the fellas. We got pretty wasted no one ate yet not like we could being struggling college students. This annoying girl decides to say let's get food. Most people don't drink in the morning but this was breakfast of champions. She says "let's get Dennis" everyone puzzled looking at one another *** is this girl talking about. She responds with "you know that place that serves breakfast all day." Ohh.... You mean Denny's sounds good. Let's go....

They use to be good friends both developed feelings and the other acted on them. Two different personalities one social and the other closed off.
The line between friendship and relationship was blurred one wanted more the other did not feel the same. As time pasted life set them apart one got married and the other responsible trying to become established.
They talk but things will never be the same while things felt like an old routine. Why go back to a failed outcome expecting things to change. He was single and she was married he denied his feelings while she poured out here. This was wrong and he knew so he would cut all ties from friends to strangers. She had more going on and he was doing his own thing. She told him he was the one who got away but that is impossible because she got married. Her husband was not fond of the friendship but it was a spike that caused a mild wedge. He didn't want to ruin things so he went away. She would call and text but he ignored her. She didn't like it and knew he did not belong because her marriage was more important. Eventually they moved on to together while he was forgotten on his own path pursuing his goals and dreams hoping to one day find new love.

He looked in the mirror see his face had changed. Chubby cheek and wrinkles when he made faces.
He felt the same but things around him changed so many trends so much movement he could not keep up. Things don't happen right away it took time. He compares his youth to today, he didn't have social media. He had to be social, he didn't use date sites he went on dates did ask her out and was a man about it. It's interesting how there is so many ways to communicate and everyone is antisocial. He called a friend and wrote letters to keep contact. He lived in the moment while today everyone streams or videos to get likes or approval from people they dk. Over all these labels don't care if you are vegan, liberal, gay, or any other made up way to stand out just be a good person treat people right. People talk big behind the computer or a front when the camera is recording once it's of they aren't saying anything. With age you grow see old traditions fade but those are the  values that the generation before grew up with and new tradition losing value no one original but exciting online not living a life. Broke free once was consumed with age you see the greats fall and the playing field change hands sometimes for the better other times in fear you may or may not understand. You replaced your elders now the youth will replace your way and your time is up. Live life to the fullest live for those who passed and live for those who chose to have a family because you see the world through different lenses. Your youth is gone those memories bring you a smile while you try to make new ones means starting over with new people because the old moved on and no one is waiting around.