Back and forth my mind seems to go.

The thought of you drives me wild.
But I'm terrified.

You could be everything I ever wanted.

Yet I'm so scared that you'll only be best as a day dream.

I keep questioning if I should follow you down.
Or just keep walking the other way.

Fear kisses my lips
While death stands still

Love begins to slip
As darkness begins to spill

Tomorrow I will not forget you
The sun will set with ease...

The light will swallow up that darkness
The morning will make light freeze...

That light!

Oh that beautiful light!

The one that sparkles in your eyes...
Forever I shall capture that light,
And never return it to the skies.

I feel your arms around me still.
Even though you're not here.

I like to pretend this bed is just the right size.

And without hearing your voice...
I can still remember it.

Without seeing your eyes.
I can remember looking into them.

Even though we are far apart.
You are not forgotten.

And when I finally decide to come back your way.
I waste my time or breath.

Because even though you still come to mind...
I can't bring myself to stand in front of you once again.

Just a taste…
That’s all it took

For you to consume me.

I grow more curious
with the thought of you.

A deepening desire
to understand you
Is haunting me…

I want to know you.
I want to feel you.  

Your magic has cast a spell upon me.

I hide behind my strength like a shield
Tears pour down my face out of pain
As I continue to move on.

I don’t have a clear understanding
of why
But the only thing
I can decipher is that

I can handle it.

If the sky were to fall down on us...
I would stand there waiting with open arms.

The rain can only wash away the dirt on our faces.

Sins.
Regrets.
Guilt.

All the things I wish my mind would stop speaking of.
Insomnia sets in.

The past visits me often.
But it is never a pleasant time.

I wish the rain would wash away our sins...
The regret we still feel from so long ago.
Like the conversations I wish I would have had...
The friends I should have kept.
Pictures I could have taken.
And the guilt of never taking action when I should have.


If only the rain could wash everything away.

Things are weird right now...
And we've yet to find that common ground
between our love and our broken hearts.

I've made mistakes I can't fix.
So I lie here next to the phone...
Hoping that you'll keep telling me to come home.
And one of these times...
I will.

For now I'm stuck staring at two doors.
The one behind me and the one in front of me.

Do I open up the door that you are standing on the other side of?
Or do I unlock the one in front of me?

In either situation...
I need to put on a brave face.

Because behind both closed doors, I am scared.

I'm scared that you'll lock the door this time.
Even though I was the one who gave you back the key.

I'm scared that it might be the same old chapter reread over again.
That there will be just as much heart ache to share.

But what if I knock this time?
We can't forget the mistakes we've made.
But maybe we could overcome them and pick up where we left off.

The confusion is so real I find it unbearable.
Flooding my mind with 'what ifs'.
I can't ever sleep anymore.

I know I'm making you more confused than you already were...
I just hope you'll understand even when I know I can't explain.

I wish chastity could keep me from you
There’s something about being a sinner
When you’re around.

The search continues...
And my heart has grown very tired from all of this.

I know you're out there...
Whoever you are...

Someone who is aching just like me.

Wanting to feel a love we've felt before but one that continues to grow and not wither like the rest.

I want to wake up next to you...
And feel your skin against mine.

We'll drink coffee and quote our favorite authors...
And maybe even explore the city a little more.

I know you're out there somewhere...
If only I could find you.
Wherever you are...

I feel you in the shadows...
Peeking ever so gently,
hoping not to disturb me.

As I move on,
From Us.

Maybe I'm daydreaming too much...

That one day you...
Whoever you are...
Will find me sipping coffee outside a shop.
Rereading my favorite book...

And our universes will collide.

I'll look up and be so taken with you.
Right then and there.

My mind itself is black and white.
I cannot rid the dark.
I cannot shade the light.

Deep down inside you'll see.
The missing pieces.
I'm still trying to become free...

Of myself.

Our paths are turning different directions now.
I cannot be in and out of your life like you have been in mine.

You will defeat the demons you keep enduring.
You'll find what you're looking for.

I can only hope...

Although you only remained a chapter in my life...
And yes, I know I am the one that turned the page to end it...
You have made an impact.

Our connection was real.
At least...
In my eyes and in my heart.

Maybe I wasn't what you were looking for...
Maybe I was just an escape from reality...

At first those thoughts made me ache with a dull pain.
One that I always seem to get.
It has become so familiar.

But being numb now isn't too bad.
It has made me reread this last chapter...
I have a clearer idea of what I must do to write the next...

And maybe our paths will cross at some point.
Right now though, I will be silent.
I feel as though you do not deserve my words or heart.

Keep going.

- The Universe