I’ve been soaking in the after glow
Of watching magic unfold

Through the hearts of others

My sins are written in cursive
inside a book delicately placed

Under a blanket of soil and flowers
Where I leave you with no trace

Of all the things I’ve done
and the grief that comes with it

The pen has run out of ink
And my mind is sick of this.

I’ve been sipping on your words like wine
Extracting every delicious flavor
and component

The enjoyment
in what seems like a simple act.

But warms my body and mind
in ways I’ve never felt before.

It felt like a dream.
And everything was right.
It still feels right.

Fear has brought me to this place.
And without it, I think I would still be okay.

Even in the beginning I was full of fear.
The ending sounds just like the start.

So I'll lie to you and say it's fine.
When it really isn't.

As you try to drag me down to the place you call home.
But there's nothing that makes me feel comfortable about it.

So we've made it this far.

There's no turning back now.
Everything that ever was...
Is now behind us.

And now, I leave you.
To walk your own path.
While I discover mine.

I don't like who you've become.
It's as if there's been more secrets in the room that I wasn't aware of.

And you dance as if I should have known from the moment you've done things.
From the moment you've said things.

I'm still in shock from it all.
Take me down.
Take it all down.

Rip away the newest pages from the book we've been writing.

**** the first draft.

Can we start this all over?
Or are we stuck figuring this out?

I feel you in the shadows...
Peeking ever so gently,
hoping not to disturb me.

As I move on,
From Us.

I lie awake tonight
While you sleep peacefully next to me
And I can’t help but think
How perfect you are

You chisel away at my walls
And I breathe easier knowing
That you see me for who I am.

I hide behind my strength like a shield
Tears pour down my face out of pain
As I continue to move on.

I don’t have a clear understanding
of why
But the only thing
I can decipher is that

I can handle it.

I wish chastity could keep me from you
There’s something about being a sinner
When you’re around.

I feel as if I’m an imposter
Like I’m some sort of actor
but one undeserving
of an award

My role right now is routine and mundane
I am consistent in that at least.

However, every once in a while…
I’m drawn to the outside
the unknown.

I call on my demons
to play with me

Lead me with a dance
into a euphoria
that I cannot express with words further.

I heard you left this earth recently
They told me it was out of your control

I mourn the loss of a fiery soul
As the world continues
Mine has stopped
to cry for you
and the impact you left on me

I stay up late in the night...
In hopes the darkness
will devour me

And transform all that I am

Into all that I will be.

I lie beside you
But feel oceans apart

- disconnected

The Devil couldn’t reach me
so he gave me
a rootless wandering mind
instead.