Being ignored is painful.
Because I'm left full of questions I wish to have answered.

I question if I did anything wrong or if you're feeling something you're not telling me.

You're not telling me anything at all.
I find it so frustrating.

Because this seems more difficult than it needs to be.
And I've tried reaching out to you.
But instead you ignore me.

I don't know why.
And maybe the best thing for me is to move forward from all of this.
To go back to before we even started talking.
Because I cannot keep having this reoccurring pain of loneliness waiting for you to come around again.
You always disappear at some point.
I'm tired of trying to get you to speak to me.
I'm tired of trying to get you to see me.
I'm tired of trying to get you at all.

My mind keeps racing with thoughts of you.
And I'm wondering if this will ever go anywhere.

Or if it will only be late night conversations about life.
Then you'll disappear again for an unknown amount of time.

I'll keep thinking about you.
Regardless.

I am just confused as to where we stand.
Because this all seems one sided right now.
I always make the first move.

I keep wondering if you will make the first move at some point...
Or if we will just continue the dance of this unlabeled thing we have.

I fall in love with strangers at shows.
Someone's eyes locking with mine.
And for a split second my heart races.
Because you never know if this could lead to something good.
They obviously have great taste in music...
I find that so attractive.
But in the end, our eyes kept meeting...
And we never did.

It makes my mind wonder what could have been.

Some days, I find it harder to get out of bed more than usual.
Like somehow it's the only comfort I can find in the world.
Or at least...
To distract me from the outside world.

Some days I would rather stay dreaming.
To be able to shed my skin and reveal my soul.

But no one ever looks close enough.
No one ever stays.

I feel socially awkward.
Terrified to strike up a conversation with a beautiful stranger.

I don't feel worthy of their presence.
Some days, I don't feel worthy at all.

So I lay in bed again.
Too awake to sleep.
Dreaming out loud.
Trying to motivate myself to get out of bed tomorrow morning with ease.

But I don't know if that will happen.

As I gazed at her through the light...
I saw her fading.
She was transparent, predictable.
She was paper thin.
And through her skin...
The words began to surface.
I read them over and over...
Like the pages of my favorite books.
She had become my favorite book.
And I never want it to end.

So here we are....
And as many mistakes as I have made...

I am wishing I would have never told you half of them.

Because giving me the cold shoulder is torture.
And you've been on my mind ever since we spent the night together.

It was so perfect.
So real.

And even through the smoke...
I could see who you really are.

I've been tossing and turning ever since.

Come be broken with me.

Others have damaged our trust.
And I have gained more fear than courage from it.

I know you have too.

I can't promise you fearlessness or perfection.

But I can promise you that I will try my best to feel better than okay.