The bottle of wine is almost empty...

And I'm singing along to the 90's songs I've always listened to.


Nothing can stop me now.
So here I sit.
With my cat in my lap who is sleeping peacefully.

Spending a Wednesday night alone.

Fear holds my hand.
But I keep walking.

I'm scared to death.

Inside and out.

You can tell.

And even with this mask of confidence...
It shows through the cracks that are forming.

What if you are expecting something more?
What if I am not what you think I am?

I think I've been myself all along...
I'm just curious to see what you think.

The bed is empty.
I only set the table for one.

There are days I'll let my coffee get cold.
Because I'm day dreaming too much.

Loneliness has me in a slumber.
And I can't seem to wake myself up.

I lie here with fear tucked away behind the darkest curtains.

Silence soothes my heart.
The chill puts me at ease.

And with the tears I shed, there is no relief...
Just a sudden sense of reality.

I am aware of the lonely nights ahead of me.
The nights where my bed feels too big.
And my nightmares toy with my mind.

When you're not here, I'm scared.
Frightened of myself.
Of my thoughts...

Behind every closed door lies a secret.
And mine you pretty much know.
But they are still starving...
Eating away at me.

It feels like so long ago...
Although it hasn't been.

It may seem like I'm heartless...

But deep down, I knew what we had wouldn't last.

As much as I tried to show you the light...
Your darkness consumed you...
And for a while...
It consumed me.

We sat there...
Getting high and playing music.
We were just too **** comfortable.

I don't want that.
Not anymore.

Such fearful walks I would take...
Just to talk with you...
Egg shells felt more like glass.

And you watched me bleed.

In my mind I thought I could fix you.
In my heart I wanted to show you love.

You took it all for granted.

And yet sometimes I wonder how you're doing.
As much as I want to hate you, I can't.

But you will never hear from me again.

Do you ever think how things could have gone differently?
That in the back of your mind...
Life would have made more sense?

I lie to my own reflection...
Believing that everything I do is right.
So I don't see myself cry.

I hide behind my own shadow.
More fearful of myself than of it.

I am confusing.
I can hurt and be hurt...
Sometimes all at once.

Our eyes tell stories our tongues can't bare to speak.
So I'll strip them down to the naked truth...

It seems to be as deep as the sea.
I'm struggling to pull on the anchor
that's making my heart sink.

Those snowy nights.
Where we'd run barefoot to the hot tub.

And we would watch the snow fall.
Taking in every minute of it.

We didn't live the normal life by any means.
But there were normal times.

So if you see me looking back, don't hesitate to speak.
Because you were apart of it just as much as me.