I want to be on your mind...
Like the errands you are supposed to run.
And like the lyrics you write.

The water is cold now...
But I still slither into it.

Life seems to be overwhelming.
With the littlest things I cannot seem to get over.

The scenery is changing...
My mirror tells me I am too.

I cannot move forward.
Blocking my path is...

Myself.

With that self realization I hope I can learn...
Hopefully.

If the sky were to fall down on us...
I would stand there waiting with open arms.

The rain can only wash away the dirt on our faces.

Sins.
Regrets.
Guilt.

All the things I wish my mind would stop speaking of.
Insomnia sets in.

The past visits me often.
But it is never a pleasant time.

I wish the rain would wash away our sins...
The regret we still feel from so long ago.
Like the conversations I wish I would have had...
The friends I should have kept.
Pictures I could have taken.
And the guilt of never taking action when I should have.


If only the rain could wash everything away.

The scene is changing...
And the romance is fading.

We are two people in the same room.
Who have nothing to talk about.

Silence is our new conversation.
Maybe we just aren't listening enough.

The rain has made the day seem dreary.
And my socks are soaking wet.
The dog is muddy now.
He needs a bath.

What happened to our spark?
The dates seem lonely.
Dinners seem cold.
The nights end early.

We lie there holding each other...
But to me it doesn't feel the same.

As if I am just there.
Not as your lover.
Not as your friend.

Just...
Someone to hold.

Everyone around me says it is not abuse.
That the love we have is worth fighting for.

Even though I am told what to wear.
How to speak.

I am the bad person.
I am the one making up lies they say.
It's not abuse they say.
I'm just overreacting.

And maybe I am...
But I never feel happy anymore.
As if my soul has already left my body.

So many tears are shed every day.
Depression brings thoughts of suicide.

I think about it daily.

I went to bed alone last night.
He didn't care that I was upset.
He didn't care to talk to me.
He just wanted to watch television.

Maybe I am being overly sensitive.
Some say I have someone else in mind.

But I really don't.

Some say I'm just bored with my relationship.
I don't think I am.

I have dreams of driving away and never looking back.
I'm scared to leave.

Emotionally drained.
I am not me anymore.

I am someone who has been molded for someone else.

I feel lost...
As if this love no longer feels real.
Like we are losing chemistry.

You no longer say hello when I walk through the door...
Even when I say it first to you.

I feel ignored.
I feel like the passion has left.

The dishes are still ***** even though you said you would do them...
The house is messier than I remember it being.

I'm torn.
Between loving you.
And leaving you.

Do I know you?

That question shouldn't affect me and yet it does...
I don't need to answer it.

And yet I feel as though I am one of the faceless people.
The ones that you pass every day not knowing their names.

But they knew mine.
We had conversations.

And yet I'm the one standing here trying to make myself seem like something more than I was.

I was invisible.
To all of them.

I see that now.