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My past came back to haunt me
all ten+ pill bottles are back and on my dresser
by razor is on the bed waiting for my touch
my stomach cant take much more of this
my mind is slowing down to almost a stop
my heart just won't beat anymore
my life has drained out of my smile
and the fire that once was in my eyes are no more
Privacy does not exist in a family of five,
And trust is earned.

when you are me you have neither.
And what you do have, its very little

Open doors
and Closed hearts
Eat then to toss it up,
Appetite sedated for the time being
then to just loose it all
In the fight of the stomach acids and the food
This will **** you,
but you still puke
Bulge on burgers and Shakes
then to loose it to the bowl


I used eat
then loose it
I bulged on burgers and shakes
I used to be
anorexic
I know that people strugle with anorexia and i used to to
I have been looking for my poem all day
I think she may have run away
She is lost of that I am sure
The details are a bit of a blur
Her and I went on a Google search
We wanted to do a little research
We disagreed about who wrote A Poison Tree
She thought it was Frost
I thought she was wrong
The search should not have took this long
We went to different poetry sites
I went to famous poets and poems.com
I don't know what went wrong
I recently browsed the computers history
I found some reference to  Expedia
I wonder if she felt the need to get away
If I called Expedia to find out if she booked a cruise
I would not know quite to say the problem is I had not named her yet
In the future I will have to remember to name a poem right away
I never would have guessed her desire to roam
If she desires to visit you ,could you let her know she is missed at home
I got the answer for what we disagreed on A Poison Tree by William Blake
I think in the future I should not argue with a poem
I want my poems to stay at home!
 Nov 2013 soul in torment
Yates
Yesterday was the day I realised that now this has gone too far.
I've been letting you rule my life by making me think I need you for too **** long.

Yesterday was the day I finally listened to my hypochondriac heart
when it told me it was broken.

Yesterday was the day I struck a match and threw it on the memories you left me with.
I turned from the flames and didn't look back.

Today is the day I'm finally getting out of the cage you've been keeping me in.

Today is the day I smash the ruins you left in my heart and walk away smiling.

Today is the day I lock you out of my mind and my heart and throw away the key.

That way, tomorrow will be the day I finally feel okay again.
Inspiration has left me lying in the gutter
This forced write is all I have to console me
The reverberating hum running through my fingertips seems numb.
Not one insight, not one iota of a wordly crumb.
This desire to write nothing is a dark stain I'm bleaching
Poetically ironic that my own desolation has conspired
To unwrite me from my pages
Even the gutter has a view of this ****** ****.
 Nov 2013 soul in torment
Yates
Sick
 Nov 2013 soul in torment
Yates
Tearing apart the seams of my sewn up heart, because I'm sick of feeling fake fixed.
I'm sick of all the insincere apologies, the half truths told to cover up the lies.
I'm sick of feeling like at any second the seams of my heart could break
open, because of an offhand word you say you didn't mean.

Scratching at the scars on my torn up mind, reminding myself that I made it through,
even when the universe said I couldn't. I'm sick of being doubted.
I'm sick of you saying I can't.

Pulling at the strings of my marionette life,
trying to remember how to work them by myself.
But you're the master puppeteer, controlling my every move.
I'm sick of being controlled. I'm sick of leaving my life in your hands,
only for you to leave it on a dusty shelf in the back of your attic
with all the other hearts you've stolen.

I'm sick of needing you.
first
step
new
day
alas
my heart
opens
my chest
livens

yes
i am
ready
to
live
for
You

my feet
start
already
echoing
my
heart

like
a
request,
my
pace
echos
the beat
as
it hastens

yes
i
am
ready
to
live
for
You

armored
though
i feel
just as
light
as
the snowflakes
outside
my window

eyelids
just
slightly
open
to
the
dawn

yes Lord.
yes.

I
am
ready
to
live
for
You
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