It's cold and I've been feeling like you've been calling out my name.

And after all these years I'm just a broken creature.
Their faces dance before my eyes, behind my eyelids.
When did every place become another mistake?
Now the haze is closing in on these tired tracks I make.
When did I stop caring about those that lived?
Centuries of living and all I ever learned was how to leave.
Now one is gone, one is dead and nothing is felt in this heart of lead.
A thousand years and maybe I'd have a chance.
How can I help when I'm the one I blame?
Been following pattern of fate, just another dog on a stake.
And these children I've loved and those that left,
Will be dead when I'm alive.
When did this become a lie?
This place was just a pen, another life to live and leave
And my darling,
I lied, I lied.
When I said we had a purpose, boy
I lied.

I can do this
The mantra I repeat at the end of the day
I. Can. Do. This.
One more day to make it, I've already faked enough
Week's been blind and I'm falling behind
Work piled up, do or die time now
One day of reckoning to end this
Tie it up in a pretty bow and I still
Don't need to take it
I can do this, I will do this
At least for today's tomorrow

You'd think I'd be tired enough to sleep
But not yet, not yet.
There are hours to go and papers to fix
Mindless things to fill the week
It's time to quit or break
And I can't quit
No I can't quit

Why am I not Happy?
I live a good life.
Good Friends,
Good family,

Good everything.

I'm not hungry
I'm not worrying about my medicine
I have a roof over my head.

But why am I not happy then?

Is it because of that whispering thought
Your friends think your annoying
Your parents are tired of you
You're ugly.

And you feel even sadder.

But then that other voice pipes in.
What are you doing!?
Why are you feeling so sorry for yourself?!

And you become guilty

What are you doing?!
You have a house and clothes
Food and medicine
Stop moping around!

And you feel even worse

You start aching
When you walk
And when you breath

And you become tired.

And soon, crying is every day
You can't tell anyone
And soon you feel the worst part
Of this vicious *****

Now you're alone.

It's been a long life, been a long day
Waiting for all the yesterdays to simply die away.
Here I'am waiting with nothing to do
And empty hands don't make work light
Loneliness doesn't fill up right.

A hundred and three years she's been alive
No more breath to be taken and mesuared now
I'll remember the visits, jelly beans and nail polish
Not quite comfortable in that place,
The hospital's never been a pleasent place for me.

Now the struggle's over and I wasn't there.
Coward perhaps but now, all I can do is wait.
Wait till the aftershock stands still and everyone is home again.
Be there and try to understand losing
Someone close, distant at the same time.

I hope there's a better place, full of sunshine
No geckos and nothing goes to waste.
Hope you found the peace and the faces you needed
Great Grandma Sophie
Please rest in peace.