I guess I still care
I guess you can call me a liar.
Because that's what I do, I lie.
I lie to you. I lie to him. But most importantly, I lie to me.
Taylor swift once told me that when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.
She said my first kiss will make my head spin round. That I'll do greater things than dating the guy on the football team.
But dear Taylor, I didn't date the guy on my high-school football team.
I dated the older guy from work.
for six months.
fighting with myself to justify what I was doing.
Asking myself if I even wanted this.
Asking him if he regretted me because in all reality I just wasn't her.
I should have gave up Taylor.
But I didn't.
I pushed myself to trust him. To make myself older in so many ways.
I should have gave up Taylor.
I should have dated the guy on my high- school football team.

Do you ever feel like life's not fair
that what goes up will never come down because there's no more air
You're afraid of what you don't know because of what you do know
and You hate the way you look in a mirror yet you wonder three times a day;
about the shape of your hair
the dimple on your side cheek
how many layers today?
You wonder.
Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day
maybe you'll find a lucky penny or scribble your pain away.
How many times do you have to fall before the last ledge?
What's the number between 2 and 20
Could you be 18 when you're 8.
How about 8 when you're 18?
It's a possibility that growing up will be harder than dying.
There's a yellow spot on my elbow
red dots on my pillow
my world is getting quite colorful.
I suppose that's why it's harder for my body to keep on running.
Time is inevitable;
which makes infinity a lie.
and Hope breeds eternal misery
because expectation is the root of all heartache
you can't justify every reason
|but Don't give up on what you don't understand;

I kind of hate you;

                                                                  That's all.

I can fool anyone with the line "I'm fine" because no one cares to find the truth that lies behind,
I'm haunted with words in my mind that no one will hear because I'm the only one subscribed,
I'm alone in my own darkness that I've created with a spine twisted by a past that wasn't even mine,
I was told to be brave, to be strong, to be kind,
to live a life that was unreal because there's unlimited time,
but now the voices in my head
they're telling me to stop
they're warning me you were wrong and I should just give up.
I tell myself "I'm fine." but other problems arise
and the truth gets barricaded with bars of disguise--


I'm fine.

It starts off subtle
a misplaced letter
upside down grammar
but I can read it,
the signs.
I'm sure; the words make my heart play hop scotch
"come live with me" you say
"I love you" is your three worded short story.
I used to have to play along
begging wouldn't help
"it's the law" she would say to me.
That *******;
as you refer to.
"I'm sorry"
"I'm always hear for you"
"I never meant to hurt you"
"I'm sorry"
This is how I know.
This is how I know you've touched the bottle to your lips; staining yourself.
This is when you're hurting me.
"Come live with me" you said -but now you've added more.
"I've always wanted you to come live with me... up with the angels".
Silence
is how I respond.
I know my answer would send you to the ground.
I can no longer take care of the whiskey breathed body I call Daddy