How can I show
more of myself to you?
What can I show you
to scare you off?
Pervert,
**** at work,
****** addiction rehab,
12-step drop-out,
faith-lost
skeptical mind,
more like cynical
say one thing,
do another;
as confused about me
as you are

And I'm almost out there
first step,
bare all in anonymous groups
second step,
peel back the layers among friends
third step (two forward, one back),
mostly anonymous pouring out the heart
through my poetry in the dark
fourth step,
fully open among all?

I was laughed at the other day
upon sharing my experience with addiction
It didn't really offend me
am I almost ready?

Could you tell I'm insecure
by the way I dance?
Would it bother you
that I'm that way,
or could you love me in spite?
Given my emotional turmoil,
do I need to fix myself
before I can meet you?
And should I be looking for you,
or should I just wait?

I could dance
dance dance
all night long
night in and night out,
but when I come home,
I'm still alone
and it's taboo these days
to need anyone,
but I need you,
whoever you are
and wherever you are
I wish you would
show your face
so I could hold it
in my hands,
look into your eyes,
be known,
and know you

Your name
is more of a trigger
than your face

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.

that you women on here
are beautiful
without being a creep?

Yeah, yeah I can...



You

are

beautiful

I wish just one time
I could be there
when it happens
so I could meet
his twisted hardon
with violence
he'd remember
every time he looks
in the mirror,
and her belief
that men can love,
that night,
would be sustained

These were the best days
in the history of all;
the days when humans
began to conquer the world,
harnessing technology
beyond the imagination
of previous generations;
the days before
it conquered them all

[To do: Insert something about going to work
and not doing anything else responsible
aside from paying bills]

I don't want to do it
like it's a big event
I just want to do it
with my own passion
and I want it to be
so good for you
and for it to be that way
every night you want it

If you ask me tomorrow,
how was the show?
I'm gonna say it was
ok, but I had to leave
too many people in that place
I couldn't handle them
walking by me constantly
bumping into me
all this motion in front of me
can't move at all
so I watched the game
at the bar instead
and I went home
and had my own dance party
it was fun to dance,
but kinda sad

I see you
on this film roll
in front of me
22 frames
of you being
held
by him,
moving
in for a kiss

*******
melt this ****

I can't hide these feelings
I'm not sure if that makes me
Honest,
Weak,
Or self-centered,
But I don't want to be here

maybe if I sing myself a lullaby,
I'll feel better enough to sleep
...what a sad thought,
a grown man singing himself a lullaby

Here I lay
With an itch to write
And fear of what I'd say

I love to get drunk and dance
Nothing gets me closer to free
If you want to dance, too, you can
But please don't complicate me

My dad, though he would not be my dad for two years, was left alone outside the newly-vacant hospital room
A cart stood inside, unmoved since my mother's bed was rolled away
He could not follow her, but his mind had not left what lay on the cart since her departure anyway
He was not supposed to do this, but there was no choosing otherwise
He entered the room and approached
A white towel lay over a small metal pan resting upon the cart
He reached down and pulled the towel away
His son
Tiny, not entirely formed, but human
His name was Spike
My name is Spike, too
He must have only been a pound or two
My dad loved him
And I love him, too
My brother,
I hope someday I'll meet you

Dad,
And Mom,
If I pass
And you find all this,
Find some mushrooms
My friend by the same name
May be able to help
Have a bunch
And stare at my paintings
And you'll know who I was

Have you
Even once
Gotten drunk
And a little high,
Swirled your glass,
Looked through the bottom,
And remembered
What it was like
To sit on the couch beside
And listen to this
Belle Musique

You and I
were a beautiful love,
but not one meant to last
We loved the same music,
but in completely different ways

All I see around me
is unhealthy relationships
"**** buddies"
with feelings on one side
guys who refuse to commit
girls who cheat and lie
I'm tired of it all
It sickens me to see them
investing their hearts
in partners who
do more harm than good
Wake The ****! UP!
You're wasting your love...
...just like I wasted mine

somehow,
when
you put
your thumb
on my
pressure points,
I feel alive

What lies within this man
is apparently gold,
at times, for others
But toxic thoughts keep him
from daring to enjoy anything
Please, someone distract him
before his life has fled
and he finds his false beliefs
were of the worst kind there is
when he could have had others
just as false,
but not suffered without end

It's a game
It can only be a game
Bury myself deep inside
Give off a big smile
Be charismatic in my own way
Care deeply, in reality.
When the time is right,
Drop bread crumbs of truth,
Revealing those
Oh-so-delicious tid bits
About who I really am
Find out this could never work
Return to The Alone

All he wanted
was to lay naked with her
with hands on each other's hearts,
to look into one another's eyes,
and to see the tears trickle down
in the deepest understanding

If I died today,
This would be my story

A young man longed for love
He found glimpses of it as he spent time with several women
Once a man of deep faith, he lost much of himself as he turned away
At a parallel time, he held onto one of the women who never could have saved him
He lost his belief in love, but he still tried
He never understood why he was shattered
But in spite of being depressed almost all his life, things were never quite this way
He reached out to different friends scattered about different media
He tried to bare his heart for anyone who wanted to see
He wanted to be known
Broken relationships he saw everywhere brought tears to his eyes
He was tormented by death and the end of everything, so even connection he felt from time to time carried little meaning when he stopped to think
And one may have hoped there would be a happy ending, a comeback story, but he passed today
What will they say about him?
They may say anything they wish, but this is the truth of the life he lived

When you say hi for the first time,
just remember,
she's probably taken,
not interested,
interested only in ***;
none of that commitment ****,
or she thinks you're a creep
Good luck, man

You shake it
and it happens
just like a music video
You turn heads,
make hearts fall,
turn us on
Most girls who shake
only pretend
You've got it real
and I don't think you care

Party as much as you can
Don't ever give up your weekends
to a partner who'll keep you in

Drink, Drink, Drink
Celebrate

You know it's not mature
to leave what you love behind

I danced
and I saw you there
You were on your phone
like I often am
I danced around
You noticed me,
but I acted like
I didn't notice you
You just lost your best friend
two months ago
I think I nearly cried
You said you're okay now;
you've dealt with a lot of death
I said it's a big fear of mine
You said you don't see why
you should fear
something you can't control
I kissed you
I found out you smoke cigarettes
I didn't care
I put my arm around you
Your friends were cool
I texted you
I hope I hear from you
Oh, there it is
You agree I was fun to talk to :)

You're a rancid ****
rotting my **** away
as I try to *******
out of my memory

All I do in life is long for something that can't be fulfilled. There is no answer to the questions; no filling the void. The girl I miss would be of no comfort if she were in my arms tonight. I would just be uncertain about something to do with her, wondering if I'm really happy with her; and the truth is I wouldn't be. When is it going to be my time? It's coming one day anyway, and I see no difference whether it comes today or in 40 years. I will not be fulfilled or happy in this life. That is a plain fact. Music, drugs, self-reflection, friendship, family, work, relationships - all these things leave me wanting more, needing more. God is no longer something I can believe in. I desire more regardless of what activity I'm engaged in. Connection is fleeting, never truly attainable. When is my time? I'm as ready as I'll ever be. When is my time?

I can't handle you, girl,
as we go to town,
I can't
You're too much
Just too, too much for me
As I let out this breath all at once
in an exhalation of anxiety,
you ask if I'm okay
Yeah, girl,
I'm so much more than okay
I just wasn't prepared for this today

No raw rock voices
Of broken men with life
I can't hear you right now
You're too much of my story

But I will get lost in you,
techno;
Your monotony makes me forget me

You told me I made your list;
your list of who you'd pray for
the rest of your life
I made the list, man
What did I do to earn it?
I was a good kid
with a little problem,
and then it lead me to divorce
Were you praying then, man?
Was I still on the list?
And tonight, as I cry for a girl
I haven't been with for a year,
am I still on your list now?

This is a tribute to you
The one who took me for a ride
From where I was
To the the rough waters beside
You taught me something new
We ****** rocked and rolled
A woman who needed to be taken
By no means ready to be a bride
But if I had made you one,
What a one you would have made
Wild on the inside
Taste like you've never seen
Zeppelin, Lorde, Bud Select
Or whatever's free
Pick you up and put you down
As you look into me
What man could pass you by
Once you've given yourself away?

So Papa wants to buy me a headboard
My favorite man
A good, good man
When I make love here
On this bed
How can I wrong any woman?
No
I will have to be good here
I will have to be myself

What do you mean,
Why am I on drugs?
I don't do this to hurt myself
I do it to survive

I always see it from someone else's shoes
I don't think people are out to actively **** me off
I notify them of my displeasing,
and if they take it in a manner that is mature,
then I can continue to talk to them as adults;
Else, I ignore their requests
and act like a stereotypical chick with
answers you'd find in a ****** periodical
I want people to respect my opinions and
points of view as much as I respect theirs;
I'm always willing to change my mind when
confronted with evidence and understanding,
and I would expect the same of them
Does that make me so different from the rest of humanity?

Let me tell you what it is
You have friendships with guys
Because you're not boy crazy
You're down to earth
And a girl
It's called maturity
And while it may not pay off
By landing you the perfect mate
You have genuine friendships with men
Which is more than most girls ever get

Salt stuck to the inside
And the outside
Of a margarita glass
Chatter about an insecure male
Short guy, five foot nothing
Angry at women, the world
And I can't blame them,
But I can identify with him,
Even at six foot decent looking
**** 'em all

I just want you to read this
And say ****,
That guy has heart
Because...I do

I want to get so high
And listen to each other's music
And as one of us cries,
The other one joins

We see;
We feel;

This is everything that's real

God,
Can I please go out like this?
Because I'm smiling
Harder than I ever do
Riding with my friend Bradford
My brother, I love him
And I would be okay
If I died tonight

Yes, you're pretty
You're laid back, chill
Soft features appeal
Common ground, interests
We can talk in depth
On any given topic
We can take a trip
To a place we both want to see
You cuddle, my favorite
But where is my desire?
You have it all,
But nothing about you moves me
Except when I look at you,
I hurt
I'm not allowed
By this heart
It matters not who you are

What is your name?
And where are you?

Are you a sunset
With the gentlest clouds,
Full of calm vibrance
In which I will lose myself?

Or are you a mountain
With deeply defined features,
Full of wild life
Which I will conquer?

Whoever I find,
You will surely move me,
For I will not have you
Until this is true

as life blows by,
we're told to
grab hold
of every moment;
seize it;
soak it in;
but as we
fall from this cliff,
though we
give it our all,
these hooks we hold
merely scratch the wall;
so as I drop,
I wonder instead:
when will I wake up?
where will I be?
and these
dear faces
I glimpse
as I fly by,
will they awaken next to me?

Oh, thanks for the message
Even though we're not talking anymore
Sure, you're welcome for the birthday gift
Glad you like it
Thanks for the lies

I went to a show sober
and I feel worse
at the end of this night
than I normally do,
but I guess at least it's real

Why wade into this world of love
These bold words written before us

Reliving loss,
Expanding the internal void,
Igniting desire that need not be

Why not say **** the world
And carry on alone