i long for a love that i cannot reach and cannot hold
it is a love so far away from tangibility and from the dreams that keep me awake (yet asleep) at night
it binds me to nothing because nothing is all i can obtain
yet nothing is everything that means something to me:
nothing is everything that i cannot grasp within the tiny hands that have carved these thoughts for a lifetime
because the possibility of our love is as slim as a starving human
and as unfathomable as the thousands of stars that overwhelm me as i gaze up at them
what we have is truly inorganic, lifeless, tired to the bone
it is sterile and unfertilised, impossible to merely thrive or bloom,
burdensome like the words that have made me who i am today
and stagnant like the brain of a dead man rotting

in other words,
our love is and will never be a reality
because you are a masterpiece
and i'm a disaster


**(( still i long ))

" if i give up now, what have i been fighting for all this while? "
Nothing.
Because what i fought for,
never fought back for me.
I wonder,
how much of what weighs me down,
is not mine to carry.
At one point,
i thought i've lost everything.
'Till i realised,
i've forgotten to count my blessings.
I've been so consumed with something,
that i forgot anything at all.
Through it all,
it shouldn't have happened,
but you let it.
The best medicine,
is just to let you win.
4-word conclusion:
Whatever's best for you.

( FAH )

MY EYES ARE STILL BLOODSHOT SINCE THE DAY YOU LEFT.
AND ***** STILL BURNS AT THE BACK OF MY THROAT
FROM ALL THE FUTILE ATTEMPTS TO DROWN YOUR SWEET NOTHINGS THAT I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON.
YOU WERE MY MAP AND NOW I'M
HOPELESSLY LOST WITHOUT YOU

i tend to forget a lot of things
like birth dates and the colour of eyes
but you my darling
are a masterpiece that has been etched
into my brain
how am i meant to forget
so much right
in a world so full of wrong?