What’s it like
To be
Serene

I get solace in knowing,
even if you keep pretending my blood
isnt yours,
I am
I am.

Dont put your hands on me

Unless I asked you to make me

Weak to my knees

Dont put your hands on me

I loved you
It took the air out of my lungs
When she looked at you
Looked at you
Like sweet ripe fruit
Juicy for the taking
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
But it didn’t ******* matter
“I hope it works out, I’m glad you had a good time”
Can I tell you
Lies eat me open
From the inside out

Oh to be waiting around
On another boy
Another boy
Who didn’t see me right there

Things would never be the same as they had been
Not yesterday
Not today
Never again

But I think, I would love you forever
And when the wind blows past
I will remember the way you wrapped your arms around me

Please
He said
Stop calling me

I am this close
To paying the 36 dollars
To change my number

His words played
Over and over and over

I just missed you
I missed you
So much I can’t breathe

Hurt and hurt and hurt
Until you can’t breathe anymore
And then

One day
It dissipates

But sometimes
You never stop
Missing them

I think it bothers me
That
She ever use to hold you
And brush the hair away from your face

I want to be the only one
Who made you fall in love

He checks his emails
I’m happy for you
He’s says
I’m happy for you
I say

Today I don't want to open my eyes
But I do
And the world still remains the same as if I never had

It’s been over a month
I still ache for you

I'd think of the times i'd often have something imperative to say
Not often
And so was it imperative?
imperative to speak?
"sometimes, people just want to know you love them"
it's exhausting keeping up
At this point in life,
I value the people who understand me and
understand my lapses of silence
I have nothing to say

Well,
There we go Dillan,
Another year passed us by and we were not together, I have not heard from you since April, and so soon
It will be a year since I’ve spoke to you
Do you still read these?
I doubt it, I sense how you have thought to cleanse yourself of whatever it was we did
But,
**** me if I don’t still think about you

You could have said
You don’t want me
And don’t flatter yourself
I didn’t do what I did
Because of you

I just wanted to know
Why

I loved him
I loved him
And I wished so badly
It was felt even in
The fibers in the leaves
Of all the trees

And you’ll rot
In some
Dead end town
At some
Dead end job
With an okay house
Maybe you’ll have “things”

And I’ll forget you
I’ll forget everything about you
And your
Little life
with your
Little family
I’ll have my own
Big life
There won’t be space for
You.

I will die
and you will die too
so will the rich man,
the poor man,
the sad man, and
the happy man
everyone dies,
but that is what we have in common,
death is what we have in common,
common man.

I wonder when you’ll realize
You love me
And you miss me
Probably on my wedding night

I love him so much

This year will be the hardest one
Because I’m replacing two with you

How dare the day keep going on
How rude
Don’t the sun and the moon
Know you died
Can’t the earth hear me cry
Why is it still spinning
Why does every day still
Go on

Call me

Today
I hope you and her
Drive each other
Bat **** crazy
I hope even in small happiness
There is emptiness
Today I am wishing
You get everything you deserve

I miss you more
Than
The day before

Wedding bells
Wedding bells
I can’t stop thinking about
How you put me and her
Through absolute hell

I really really
Just want you to be happy
I want you to be happy
For the rest of your life
I hope I see you again
Before we die

I will get married again.
I will have children again.
I will have a family.
I will grow old without you.
And you.
You will never know what you want.
You will become an old story I tell,
When my grandchildren ask me,
About life
And love.

I loved you.
I loved you.
And
I will never know, what would be.

Sometimes
I sit here in the silent moments
And I live in the mornings
I could have shared with you
Coffee and jazz

But that wasn’t for us
Was it

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

You will always stop
Time
For me

I wish I could know you
Maybe some other time
Maybe some other life

I’ll daydream about you for now

So you say your brain wants to **** you
Get you out of this place you say
But trapped, you must stay
Figure out how to breathe with water in your lungs
And breathe because your neighbor does it without pain
In bed you stay
In pain
Soaking it up
Like the suns rays

I hope you think about me
Every
Single
Day

Hey
What are you having for dinner today
How have your days been
How have your weeks been
The months?
I just called to talk to your voicemail
I miss you

He called my name with love
And he touched me with
Nice, soft hands
I crumpled like paper
His gentleness far too heavy for me
I only wanted people
Who would
Wear
Me
Down

I want to whisper words
That make you think about me
Before you fall asleep

His words were warm
Like a dollop of hot butter
Sliding down a stack of pancakes

I hate his stupid smile,
I hate his stupid face.

I don’t know what to do
I can’t stop thinking about you

That was that
My hands were shaken
The dust was clean from me

Some weeks are harder than others
Some days, harder than other days
And most of the time I wonder
What it’s like to not be swimming against
my own current of thoughts in my brain

Somedays I miss you so much
It feels like there is no one else in this world
To talk to
It’s been almost a year
I still think about you every day
I’ve forced my thoughts to be farther between
Because I know the amount of good
It does me
I wish I could stop putting you in the front
Of this in invisible line
I love you so much
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend
If I think it hard enough
You will feel that moment too

Find me in every life,
And lay your sweet lips upon mine,
Steal my breath,
Touch my cheek,
Whisper those words I crave to hear
Dripping
Off your tongue

You are a
liar, coward, cheat

Why did you speak to me?

I have nothing left to say
You let me down
And
I have nothing else to say

Please don’t touch me

One time
I knew real love
It tasted sweet
And free

But it will
Never ever
Be

I will be dust beneath your feet
Before he and I
Meet

I remember everything I wanted to forget
Even the dew drops that sat on leaves outside of the window
The worst day of my life
I forget everything I wanted to remember
You, you, you
Everything about you.

I didnt feel woman

Enough

I didnt even feel human

Enough.

Wasting your breath

There are some things

That will only change

With age

You ask me how I’m doing.
Everyone asks how are you doing?
Can you smell death on me?
I skate over this, like an Olympic champion trained since 3.
I don’t answer.
I refuse to submit and say that I am fine anymore.
I am not fine.