It feels like I'm missing out.
Everything interesting is happening somewhere else.
I want to reach out from this slump,
I want to feel again.
I don't want to miss out anymore.

I'm not sure what I'd do without you.
I've gotten so used to your
voice
and
laughter
that I don't think I could ever remember
anything other than you.
So really, what would I do without you?

They say the third times a charm.
I don't believe it.
Because when I wanted to die for the third time,
I failed.
The pills have failed me again, so did you.

It’s not okay,  that your friends came to ask me what my name is, and then they tell me that you love me.
I don’t I will never understand how you just like someone without even knowing the basics of them.
You stupid person, I am trying not to judge you, but are a immature little ****,
Who thinks getting facebook display picture with shades and ultra attitude quotes is cool,
But I don’t like south park, I’m a Simpsons person, you have liked this page called I hate books,
Well, honey I am nothing without books, you like to quote Eminem’s old song, "hello people of the earth, look at me, I am the boss", funny how that’s you only rapper you know you peon,
And I don’t like dragon ball z, what are we in class 5 again? You have like 1000 friends on facebook, which screams desperate to me
And I don’t want to be ****** and rude, but you could have told me yourself, that like me or any alternative, I didn’t want to hear that from all your friends giggling at me the weird way, you could have manned up a bit ;
It’s sad to me you actually don’t understand the meaning of girlfriend, you think they are for a week only and to boast about it to your friends that you have got a senior girlfriend
That the most funniest thing is that you are only a year younger than me but how it feels like to me that you are 3 years younger, and to add to that,
You think you are such a stud, well you look like ****, news flash.

I really want to be shot
to feel excruciating pain at the brink of unimaginable pleasure
to be covered in blood staring at the light at the end of the tunnel speaking words of profound wisdom
to laugh with tears rolling down my face
with coughs of blood interrupting my last address

I really want to be shot
not in the head so I don’t die quickly
but close to my heart so I put my hand to my chest and bleed out slowly
as each pulse escapes my grasp and my life flashes before my eyes
each a fleeting memory never to be recalled

I really want to be shot
as she tried to stop the bleeding, she cries out
stroke her by the face and tell her everything will be alright
smile a midst the chaos to ease her pain
eyes close as I fall into a sleep I probably will never awaken
open them to the warmth of lips upon my cheek
I really want to be shot so I can ask ‘Am I in heaven?’

What's really ****** up is that
you know how you have been
treating me and now you just
are not going to talk to me because
running is obviously the only option.

What's really sad is you know
that you feel this way too,
you know that I would actually
be there, unlike everyone else.

Why are you so scared to let someone
actually see you for who you are?

I don't even think I want it anymore.
I don't even know if it is worth it.