How did I end up here?
I asked the darkness
There was no response

How did I end up here
I asked the sun
Fell asleep in its heat
There was no response

Running down to the river
I fell to my knees
The river talked non stop
But I couldn't understand a word

I ran to the ocean
to find the heart portal
at the last log
Though I looked
I could not find it anywhere

Drove the long desert valley to the petroglyphs
Ten thousand years old
Written in a language
I would never understand

The full moon rises eclipses and moves on
I open my mind
How did I end up here I ask
In the dark silence of the rising sun
desert red
By the river running to the ocean
There is no response
Again.

I've got many things
on my mind
I might as well
talk to you.

I'm twisted
I'm disturbed
I'm vice ridden
I'm desperate too.

You look okay
I might as well
talk to you.

My life has been spent in shadows
trying to emerge
I've swept the floor
washed the windows
did the dishes too
I guess that is what they call this life.

I've seen the tunnel on one too many codeine
Grandma sent me away

I've gone astray
I blew up my future
behind *******
My children say
I gambled it all away.

One mellows in their old age
No time for anger
No time for drama too.

I've learned to accept myself
Accept you

That testerone
it blows up
it calms down

Sleep it goes way too fast
I wake up to another day.

I've rubbed myself raw
I know what it means to be deranged
I know what it means to long for it too.

You understand.
Don't nod off now
I'm coming to the most interesting part

But I woke up
in another horizon
Woke up on another plain
Another dimension has called my name
This life I now savor.

As you have said
I know it is predictable moves
A complicated game
I never learned to play.

Another opportunity
to prove I'm never
what I'm supposed to be.

I've done the best I could
with what I've got
With that I am at peace

I apologize for everything
I have ever been,
But I am alive
I'm still breathing
have another day to
prove it all again

I've got things on my mind
I might as well talk to you.

There are no endings
as long as I have in
my mind.

I always start off so optimistic,
I'm disappointed every time

Starting off expecting nothing
pleasantly surprised

But the voices they keep talking
and the road is hard to find

We start off so high
looking down on all mankind
but as we decend
the
buildings get bigger and bigger
as
reality ascends

There are no endings
as long as I have in my mind

When change it comes
all will never be the same again

It's a rise and a fall
the time of us all

The light starts in the East
Darkness comes in the West

Change is on our finger tips
But gone with the wind

Anxiety sings in apprehensive images
Peace it sings in harmony
The heart it beats so slowly

In the midst forever
In the past forever too

There are no endings
as long as I have in my mind.

You say
There are no answers
You bray
Time you catch when you may
You'll end up on your knees
There is nothing else to do
But pray.

I don't want to get home
Too late
There are many obstacles in the way
Romances and dances
Which lead us astray.

Hungry states of mind
Interrupting
Stillness
Calmness
Peace.

There's a full moon risin'
in a blackened sky
there's a full moon
sittin' huge
on the horizon sky.

There's someone standin'
on top of that hill
could it be I?
Hearin' music coming thru the trees
dancing
an old soft shoe
arms held high
silhouetted
by
that big full moon sky.

There's a shadow bein' cast
long thin and lean
stretchin' out creating darkness,
while illuminating light
all around
the shadow movin' ahead
a thin strip of darkness
and callin' it my life.

Illumination
darkness
a small pin light
flashin'
on
memories
possibilities
metaphors
allegories
waterfalls
in
all­ those
exquisite present moments
the poetry
our flash light lightenin'

And of course
there's a soul
could it be I?
Dancin' that old soft shoe
on top of that hill
a moment's delighting
in a full moon's night sky a risin'...

Knock
Knock
Please
I am hungry
a
tired voice said.

Misery misery misery
Longing longing longing
Regrets regrets regrets
Doin' the self pity rag

Dragging through the mud
Mired in the dregs
Taking selfies in the mirror
in the bathroom

Raising my arms
Doin' the self pity rag.

Complaining complaining complaining
Why can't reality be
The way I want it to be

Spinning spinning spinning
Doin' the self pity rag

A dust devil
A tumble ****
Blowing down a desert highway
Looking at the ground
No water no sanctuary around
Bowing down
One more time
Doin' the self pity rag.

They used to call
him
the young genius
now they call
him
the old recluse,
holed up in his
shack on the Mad River,
A garden of grow
in the back corner,
Always a **** for me and you.

He sits out on
his little patio
those bottle fed
cats
all running around
chasing ghosts
this way and that.

Pink camillas
white roses
silken dried out hydrangeas,
Spirits in the faces of the flowers.
Red berries
the bird's bar
a bar fight breaks out every evening.

We visit him there
on Friday afternoons
sun setting
sun high in the blue sky.

He finger ****** his
way through life,
Where ever he stopped,
People's lives changed,
He, searching for the words
to heal others pain
until compassion fatigue
set in,
Now he can only relate
to others
in small quantities of moments
too much pain felt
from
without within.

He is like his river,
a madness,
always different/always the same.
The sanest person we ever
knew.
Just watch your eyes, though,
with a look
he'll see right through you,
All your secrets will be revealed.

The young genius
the old recluse
if you need some healin'
go ahead and see'em,
He'll give you just a
hint,
Even if he's not feeling,
He'll take you down to
the Mad River's shore
give you a glimpse of you
and
bring you back home again
for more.

Shaman's on their way
have nothing much better to do
and nothing else to prove.

The dawn was no longer coming
The earth was no longer spinning
The horizon frozen.
We had moved into the deep chill
of our lives
The deep chill of our love.
Stone cold granite silence
Dancing around each other in
slow motion rotation
eyes like arrows
eyes like mirrors
words silent daggers
breath like icicles
held and panting,
volcanic eruptions seething
beneath the surface,
choreographed
hurt and rage
posing
feigning
covering up,
boiling blood
in
this frozen silence

civil, constrained, polite.

We turned around
walked away again,
alone
again,
with nothing changed
and
nothing said.

In heartfelt
songs sung

Coming together
or
Tearing apart

Falling in love
or
Breaking up.

He arises in the morning
with nothing to say
He arises in the evening
after being quiet all day

His thoughts they are a dancing  -
The future is dark
The past is bleak
with nothing to dream

The dawn it arises,
At night, the sun
it heads down
Time it stands still
when you have nothing to say  -
You've tried your best in
your own way
Nothing seems to come
but
despair and dismay.

A lover she comes
A lover she goes
Your creations,
they all grow trite
and old

Playing cat's cradle
with a line of string
at the tear line
not knowing
whether to cry
or go numb

Like our lives,
a spider web
on a tree
blowing and shimmering
in the sun light winds.

He arises and dresses
Heads out for his day
With nothing to say.

The three compassions
came to me
in a moment of silence
during a dream.
Not a daymare
Not a nightmare.
But in a moment of
rare and splendid peace.

It was laid out
for me
in a single distinct vision.

Compassion for self
Compassion for others
and the undefinable innocence of
all existence.

I tried so hard
to do so good
in everything
I said and did
but
faltering, fumbling,
obsessed, and human flawed.
I had much to learn
about
acceptance,
forgiveness
and the live and learn.

Perhaps this compassion
never comes
except in moments
of melancholy
on a foggy Christmas morning.

The fire needed tending
the warmth of the glow was fading.

I looked into her eyes
I looked into their eyes
and where I looked
I saw that with a look
I turned others
into
objects, chairs, tables, rocks.
I saw a different glow
the touch of that
innocent continuity
in all of us
fragile I'ness
suspended in a holistic whole
of
joy, suffering
peace and fear
connection and love
shining glowing
light of life
within the darkness
of the universe.

The third compassion
is rather odd
a mandala.
Extending out in concentric circles
encompassing the
fantastical, magical
workings of the universe
the vast expanse
of space and time.

And my momentarily
conscious knowledge
of my glowing light
and my place
in
now.

I saw the temporary tenderness
of all existence
my heart opened
the fire surged
on this foggy
humboldt
Christmas sunrise...

Gather people
for a story
so profound,
Not created by me,
But a rare, rare reality,
Where forces so profound converged,
Generations forward
were forever altered.

Where one person's heroics
were another's fatal error

Where a family's love
was smothered
in
the churning waters
of Big Lagoon.

Big Lagoon sits
north of Agate Beach
shining treasures can be found
in the gathering sands
To the west,
The ocean rises and falls
To the east,
The lagoon's placid grassy waters roll.

It was an Indian Summer's warm, warm day,
Everything it promised was delivered.
Two days after Thanksgiving,
I remember it well,
the fog was gone,
the sun was high.

A family dog beach walk

Howard and Mary,
Olivia,
Gregory, every one called him Geddie,
Geddie's girlfriend, Lily.
The family dog, Fran, chasing sticks
in the ocean and in the sand.

Time stopped for
a diamond moment,
sun reflecting off the ocean.

To chase a stick
Fran ran
a ten foot wave
took her under.

Geddie ankle deep edged forward
when within that frozen moment
another giant wave emerged
the cliff that is the sand gave in,
in the merciless embrace
of the terrible wave,
He was pulled under.

Down the beach
Howard ran
plunged into the waters
to save his son,
He only found
Kingdom come.

While Geddie made his way
out of those frozen waters
and could not find his father,
Called by what unknown voice,
He dove back under,
Not to be found
for hours and miles later.

What is the power of love
which would propel each one?

Mary watching this unfold
could not abide their fate
and herself plunged in
for one last attempt
at saving grace.

The ocean says
"Many have fallen in
but few survive."

Mary and Howard
rolled
in and out
in that frozen water's breath.

While Olivia and Lily
frantically
called 911
and struggled on the beach
out of reach.

The power of the ocean
the power of love
had made three
one.

30 minutes later
Fran ran out
looking to play
one more round.

If by the Pacific Ocean
you stand
see urgent footprints
in the sand,
By chance
you hear the plaintive cry
of
"Marco Polo"
voices calling to one another,
It is the ocean singing
their last lullaby.

Always been a Peeping Tom
looking into the windows
watching the ******* move

the cozy lives unfolding


Eaves dropping on conversations
Wondering what people are talking about

Staring at people at work
their effort intense

Lives performed
soaring on whip saw winds

An apartment complex
with many units and addresses
every soul window there
a whole history in 3D
marching

Coming up for air
driven by curiosity

No eyes closed
gotta see

One more life
to witness.

You keep saying
You are coming home
I wonder when you are
Will it take the
Raging wind and
Snow for you to
Roll on.

You keep calling every
Hour to say you are
On your way right now
Dinner has been made
Getting colder by the
Hour.

What started off as love
Dissolving into sour
You are calling every
Hour saying you will
Be home right now.

You say you are coming
Home
I wonder when you
Are
Will it take some
Form of desperation for
You to roll on.

The wind outside is
A vaccum blowing
****** air from high
To low
Don't I know.

You call every
Hour to say you
You are on your way.

Olive is barking
At the wind
I am a child throwing
Sand at the ocean.

I am as helpless
As that wind outside
Blowing.
You say you are
Coming home
I wonder
When you are...

I laid him down
In a playground
Upon which he could
Never play again

My son, my friend
My sadness overwhelms me
About what might have been

And the innocence in
Those eyes and the purity
That presence designed

It lingers across time
On the inside

I mourn for you my son
I grieve for all I have become
And left you so alone

"Daddy is that you"
You called in the night
But I was no longer there.

I had laid him down
In a playground
Upon which he could
Never play again

"The world, " he said
"Had spun one way"
"Then ceased it's movement"
"And began to spin the other"

From this sorrow of
Abandonment, my son
My child, both inside
And out

I laid them both down
In a playground
Upon which he
Could never play
Again. ..

Through lines
attach themselves to me
I'm a zip line zipping through the canopy.
Zip lines
through lines
My life in dots and dashes.

There was that darkness
before I was born
don't remember much about that.

Parents were through lines
for a long while
then they died
grandparents before
they all had their time
through lines
zip lines
strings
the true string theory.

Homesickness, school, bullies, too
the Sunday Night Blues
riding those zip lines
through lines
what are you gonna do
they aren't leaving you.

*******
Resignation
private fantasies
too private to tell
through lines too
on  the old zip line.

The voices in your mind
that's been a through line
through and through.

Poverty that was true too
that's what happens when you
peak too soon
and
you're a late bloomer too.

Children, the through lines
children of children
and you too
through lines zipping through
along the old zip line.

Poetry, a through line
sharing secrets
sacred circles
those are through lines too.

Body parts
hearts, limbs, lungs, guts and toes
though those tonsils
had to go.
Every breath
Every heart beat.

My through lines
your through lines
we all got'em
parallel points on parallel lines
I can't say
I know we sometimes together zip
along that same highway
then one will fade
and one will go away.

But where we all meet
each day,
I can say,
in the molecules
of every breath we take.

since before I was born I can remember time picking me up and carrying me along in its embrace it held me close never letting me down never stopping along the way sometimes speeding up sometimes slowing down freezing in slow motion moments it has never let me down running on through these presents here Passing here past time's arrow only moving in one direction no instant replays no do overs leaving traces of memories some false some recovered some discovered left with the traces of remorse and guilt in pain to tend along our way
time my sweetest friend and enemy
of endings I have always thought a lot these days these ways these happy unhappy joyful passing passing moments with you I held on tight to your impartial embrace knowing full well one day on the ground you will lay me down

It seems so plain to see
Sweeps us along
Leaves us behind
Every one of us,
even
You and me.

Our daily lives
The alarm clock at five a.m.
screaming our name again and again  
"Get up"

The infant
every dream we take,
"I need you mommydaddy too"

Monuments to what we choose
We know they come, and go.

Insurmountable problems
in the end
are
all
Time limited

We've been there
We know

Teenage angst, forever,
Childhood  puberty
Adulthood  old age

Time is god
it calls the shots
tells us
What is and What is not

Galaxies collide
all over the place
Big bangs bust
and must expand
Dark matter everywhere
But
Time it tells them
all their tales

Time is god
god is time
It seems so plain to see.

Aging is confusing
How old would you be
if you didn't know how old you are

Microwave ovens
Kitchen range timers
Updates too
Timers all around ticking down
ticking down our time
You might think of this
as you make your rounds

Sunrises
Sunsets
Good morning
Goodnight

5 minutes to go
Forty seconds
I know

Ding goes the timer
Another day is done

I guess in the end
it's
five four three two one.

No time to dwell
(on what's been undone)
or that
which has become undone

We'll hold onto
each of our moments
when love's song was sung

(When) we stepped on time's ladder
climbed each rung
Each one told a story
of births and deaths
failures and success

The higher we ascended
The shakier the ladder
Encouraging each other
when our legs start to tremble,
when our balance is threatened,
My hand in yours
then
your hand in mine
Should you fall behind
I wait for you
When I falter
You wait for me

When we stumble
We hold on to each other
With a word
A look
A warm embrace

Time's ladder
over time
deteriorates
with aging and pain

I know we'll hold on to the end
though no promises can be made
I'm not perfect
Neither are you

But

I know I won't be climbing to these heights again
or stepping up on to
another time's ladder.

Time to take a forest bath
I don't know about you
But it's been a while
Surrounded by silence
The oxygen bar
The dogs chasing chippes
The redwoods dominating
Taking a deep breath deep finally

The dinosaurs were big
But the redwoods are forever.

What are we taking in
That feels so good
So healing to the soul?

The winds in the canopy
The freight train coming
The leaves dancing in the winds
Time to take a forest bath
Time to call yourself even.

To Do List
Item Number 1:
Return
to the
Present.

The glory of nature
in all of its transformations
the dawning of consciousness
the surrender of love
the struggle for survival
the dance between
the  light and darkness

The meteor shower
the child's first step
the child's first smile
the cocoon unspun
the spider's daily web
the many mornings
come and gone

This observer of
what is and what is not
consumed with awe

Melting solids
to dust
liquid to vapors
riding life's lightening
thunder's laughter

From oppression to freedom
From slumber to wisdom

The glory of all nature
instantaneous and gone
the ink on the page
the sun gone nova
the event horizon
random particles
converge into being
dissipate and defuse
from movement to entropy
ashes to ashes
stardust to stardust

The poet ever singing
the glory of transformations.

Transitionary lovers rarely remain
if you think about why this is too long
it will probably drive you insane.

Nobody really knows.

When you left the wife
left the life
left the husband
left the strife
at
least for a little while

You are

caught up in the sparkling, twinkling, incandescent
glowing opiates of love
finally
no pain remained.

There are
Smiles all around.

We danced so close in
night clubs like cruise ships
sailing to no where
and
no where to go

But
you are
leaving her
leaving him
leaving them
trying to forget what you already know.

Transitionary lovers rarely remain.

This one will be different
we are so different
we found this magic
and it will
be maintained
as
Days together go by
weeks and months too

But

In the end
the transitionary lover may have sparked
the change
from
here
to
there

The homes which were cozy
once again become lonely.

Life becomes a parking lot motel
staring out the window at the heat
displaced
trying to convince yourself
this is not too bad.

Transitionary lovers rarely remain
and
both of us will be on to the next one
Falling back into the routines
of
life, love, stability

Awaiting again for that transitory lover
to
take us where we need to go.

We poets,
tour guides
to
the
ever-changing
internal
landscape.

The crime families
had arrived
long before our time
dressed in suits and ties
jeans and lies.
Con games
transparent,
No one's even too embarrassed
or even
bothers to try and hide it.

It's all a racket
better believe it

Student loans
Insurance
Medications to save your life
Credit cards
House payments
Rental agreements
The military industrial complex
the war machine
The grocery store
The grocery store
The Supermarket
what do you mean you gotta eat
at least the poisoned air is free.

Elections
thrilled with bribery
The gas station
cell phone bills
electrical payments
moving violation tickets
Banks with smiling faces
Bound to get you on your knees
begging for more.

Guess what?
What ever you think you are craving,
You know that's a racket too
every time you turn around
they're going to take their vig
off of you.


When you get to heaven
you are going to find
one fact for sure
that's a racket too.

I know I love you
But I can't say why
I know I love you
But I can't say how
I know I love you
But I can't say when

I know I love you
We keep doing another day
again and again.

Shame guilt embarrassment
for every breath taken
every moment recollected
every meal prepared
every look looked

All face

Every dance floor danced
every talk
every walk
every poem written
every relationship passed

The Faux Pas A Moment Club
has my email address
keeps texting me
emailing
for donations
I
Give Give Give

The future is not much better
when the pity *** is filled
overflowing
everywhere seen ahead
is filled with
dread.

I
remembered you,
you
remembered
me,
I believed in you,
You believed in me,
We were both sea creatures
traveling
uncommon seas.

We had taken to that
unconscious ocean
to see in the sea,
What we could see.

It's been a strange journey
of that there is no doubt.

Where everyone walks with
their insides in,
We travel these seas
with our
insides out,
We don't know any other
way to be
when you're swimming through
these
uncommon seas.

It's often a desert
out there,
But inside here
all kinds of musty
characters
drudged up from
anxious memory
inhabitants of this sea -
Sponge Bob Square Pants
has
nothing on you or me,
We are all travelers
in this uncommon sea.

Our bathing suits left far behind,
the temperature sometimes
too hot
too cold
depending on our state of mind,
There's strife
confrontation
character assination
often
uncommon seas
are far from placid.

The joy of traveling
though
you and me,
Sea creatures
feeling
the longing,
Finally belonging,
Where somewhere
and
sometimes
out of the blue,
A Beluga whale
speaks
your
name
so
perfectly
and
swims alongside
you and me
in
uncommon seas.

The sun rises
In the east.
The sun sets
In the west.
I run to and fro
And never find my rest.

The rain is falling
The tops of the trees are swaying
My love is singing
The fire is crackling
The popcorn is popping
A perfect day in every way
All I really want to say
If I could freeze time,
Here is where I would stay.

"Soldiers Heart"
Two brothers on their way
one wore blue
and
one wore gray
one came home
one stayed behind
one mother mourns
on a November's day.
212,938
bled and died
on
American soil.

"Irritable Heart"
14 years in the Philippines
far too many days
4200 died
so many miles away.

"Shell Shock"
Johnny got his gun
alive in the tomb
of his mind
no eyes
no ears
no arms
no legs
a beating heart
an active mind
alive
with memories and sensations
Paths of Glory
leads
the way
and 53,402 stay
while one came home.

"Battle Fatigue"
291,557
perished.
Nagasaki got its bomb
six million died
before our fathers and grandfathers
liberated them.

To the 38th Parallel
we did go
where old soldiers
never die
they just fade away
with
time.
33,746 died.

"Stress Response Syndrome"
Apocalypse Now
Jacob had his ladder
in
the jungles of Vietnam
Full Metal Jacket
Born in the USA
homeless veterans
now aged still pay today
while 47,424
lay in their graves.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder"
My daughter
my son-in-law
bring it all
back home to me
Navy Medics
seven years
they traveled with the Marines
picking up the pieces
as they went their way
many too many trips
for all those young
troops
now we are
seeing
their heroism
proceeding
despite being afraid
a price
dearly
we all pay.
5,282 and still counting.

"Soldiers Heart"
Two brothers on their way
one wore blue
and
one wore gray
one came home
one stayed behind
one mother mourns
on a November's day.
212,938
bled and died
on
American soil.

"Irritable Heart"
14 years in the Philippines
far too many days
4200 died
so many miles away.

"Shell Shock"
Johnny got his gun
alive in the tomb
of his mind
no eyes
no ears
no arms
no legs
a beating heart
an active mind
alive
with memories and sensations
Paths of Glory
leads
the way
and 53,402 stay
while one came home.

"Battle Fatigue"
291,557
perished.
Nagasaki got its bomb
six million died
before our fathers and grandfathers
liberated them.

To the 38th Parallel
we did go
where old soldiers
never die
they just fade away
with
time.
33,746 died.

"Stress Response Syndrome"
Apocalypse Now
Jacob had his ladder
in
the jungles of Vietnam
Full Metal Jacket
Born in the USA
homeless veterans
now aged still pay today
while 47,424
lay in their graves.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder"
My daughter
my son-in-law
bring it all
back home to me
Navy Medics
seven years
they traveled with the Marines
picking up the pieces
as they went their way
many too many trips
for all those young
troops
now we are
seeing
their heroism
proceeding
despite being afraid
a price
dearly
we all pay.
5,282 and still counting.

For all those who have walked in the horrors of war
and the grief too countless to tell.
Let us all pray in our way,
work in our days
for the end of war.

"Where you now are
I once was
Where I am now
You will be."

I can project any fantasy
on you,
I don't even have to know you
really
I can love you truly
fondly, dearly
internal chemistry
hot hot hot
inside to inside
mingling
in
the early early
morning
in the late late
night.

You are my pixel cowboy
on a Saturday night.
I know you need a
woman like me
to believe.
I can pretend to
satisfy
your every need.
Magical love in 10 words
what's there not to believe?

Turn it on
turn me on
light me up.
We never go backwards,
We always go forward
each interaction
starts us anew.
It's perfect for me and you.

We can get it on
get it off,
We can meet
I don't have to be there
who said I wasn't
the perfect woman
for a cowboy like you?

Virtual love,
an endless Western horizon
now that's our song
sing with me baby
we'll stream our dreams.

The Voyager has left the solar system
It has taken our consciousness
with it too
A Commodore 64 running the show
How ironic
We're still collecting those tiny bits of data
today.

What does Voyager know?
What has it experienced?
What does forty years in space give you?
Is it beginning to wonder
or
Is it way past that?

While we're going
far far further
than any human object has ever been
Earth no longer visible

(While we slaughter another human life)

Voyager is in deep being
Without borders and no hope of home
traveling forever
an extension of the human mind
heart and soul.

Come together people
and
write this poem

The end of war
we know it's coming

It's gotta come now
there's no more time
to
wait
The Blue Orchid
it's wilting in space.

The power of peace
it's gotta get moving
"If you're not part of the solution
You're part of the problem"

You hurt me
I hurt you
You **** my sister
I **** you too
You **** my child
I slaughter more.

"War War
what is it good for? "

Come together people
and
hear the cry
the mourners are suffering
but
forgiveness survives.

The dead don't dance
too many on the ground
listen
listen
We can still hear the human sound.

Come together people
and
write this poem
The one that will get
peace going.

It's been one too many centuries
no more time for this disease
eradication for this plague
the anecdote
only our words
can say

We can all share in this
our
Poem Of The Day.

We are but hat racks
moving through
a dark and silent world
with our internal consciousness,
beliefs, projecting - deluding
us with the fantasies
that these are our realities
(puffs of air demark us)
while internal chemical
tides control us.

But it is all god and
love connected to
nothing but internal
emotional truths
in a dark and silent universe...

Past
multi-generational
poisons
drip
forward
one
birth
at a
time.

"Issues
Are
Like tissues
When the box is done
You just open up
Another one..."

Well Annie now you've done it
through your gyrations,  characterizations
imitations
a spot of light of spirit
flipped out into the ether
like some kind of spiritual dandruff
all crystal prisms
twinkling stars shook off of you
and floated
through my eyes and ears
and penetrated and infused
my pumping heart
through my circulatory system
snapping synaptic changes,
touching those places
of
dreams and trances.

Well Annie now you've done it all night long
with images of Olive Oil
and no Popeye
I have become a sailor man
unmoored from the safety of the slip
dragging the anchor
until the tether breaks
and find myself floating
on some Jungian sea
of the unconscious far away from the shore.

Well Annie now you've really done it -
How will this all play out
when walking down the faux marble hallways
as I roll up one wave of imitation
and down another in
clients/secretaries/billing clerks
deranged psychiatrists stories
and all of this reality
grabbing trying ranting riffing
how is this all going to play out
when strange guerilla theatre
erupts on backwards
in administrators offices
and leadership committee meetings
when I spread my  legs
as my grand opening
in carrot top hangings
and turn to clients
offer them too
this spirit spark of
courage.

Well you've really done it this time Annie
when my door is locked
and pagers are begging for my attention
but I will be in the room at that desk
throwing rules, regulations
and my professional reputation
to the current winds of unwinding
truths and soulful stories.
When they turn to me
and ask for my forgiveness
in their true confession
or when I shift shapes
to the big onion
when everyone who wanders near weeps
when they ask me for that magic sentence
to make it all okay
or write a treatment plan
or
just a hand on the shoulder;
as they begin to talk
like rooms of old echoes-
I will tell them that will cost them extra.

You've done it now Annie forever
in my minute little world
rocked the boat
that spirit
like the butterfly wings causing the hurricane
of courage.

You've done it now Olive Oil Annie
I have found my spinach
and
freedom cannot be far behind...

I've been digging
through this dumpster
far too long
trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Slimey sweet stench
there's my first love
my first pipe
my last light
my first rush
my last gush
my first bet
my last buck
"the game ain't over
until the rent money's gone."

I am down a deep hole
and my only tool is a shovel
I've got that one choice
but to go
down
down
down.
Drunk and dial
Drunk and poetry
how did I get here
how do I get out?

I'm a spiritual wasteland
connected to no one
connected to nothing
My drug
My man
My woman
My casino
The rush comes first
The numbness comes last
until
death, insanity or jail
is within my grasp.
I do what I do
But I am allergic too
you understand
when I do what I do
I break out in handcuffs
jail cells
strapped down to beds
looking around
longing for my dumpster
and
what I might have found.

1st Step
12th Step
I've done them all
though the 13th Step
I liked the best
Sponsors have come and gone
Spiritual awakenings
have all been done
I am back in this dumpster
where I had begun.

There is an exquisite mystery
at the heart of it all
the internal shift
happens
an inside job
The 21 year old's first black out
enough is enough
The 60 year old
on his fifth DUI
going out for one more round.

It is true
I have seen it many times
Recovery can be found
Hope restored
Wisdom in these halls
Peace within these walls
The dumpster closed
and left behind
A ladder falls and arrives
acceptance and gratitude
combine
as they say
"One day at a time."

playing outside
in the frozen air
we didn't know
what we were
doing
didn't know
where we were
going
You grew so
beautiful
I beheld you
there
saw your face from a
far
You had forgotten
I was alive
just a wild poet
you had written off
a playmate, from your childhood days
as you
moved on your way
through your rich and seedy
days
your mind
your look
your talents
moved you through
to what you thought
you knew
you wanted.

We were both still
so free
I had fallen deep
into the blues
I spent far too much
time far too confused
while you walked
on water according
to the news.

You were playing Reno
on a cold winter's
night,
much later
at a backwaters bar
called "Night Times
Delight"
I walked in
you walked in
childhood grins
over Hendricks
gin
hands touched once
lips touched twice
we danced out there
on that
night
we were just
children there
playing outside
in the frozen
air,
Body heat
creating steam.

Maybe it was
just the gin
fingers touched
you went
your way
fingers touched
we went our ways
childhood answers
on a winter's day

It's hard every once
in a while not to
see your name
the only place I
come your way
is in your deepest
dreams of childhoods
refrain
laughing outside
in the frozen winds
two melting snow
angels are all
that remains.

For you I'll always
be there
For me I'll be
someone who cared
we'll be an aging memory
in this bond
across our time
in the ether
we'll play our lines
and in our dreams
it'll always be
and in our dreams
we will always see
a childhoods
winter sky
alive.

I won't be passing through
this way again
I am just a wanderer
and a poet by trade
leaving my words which
decompose with the seasons
turning stars to ash along the way.

I won't be passing through
this way again
like the salmon
running upstream
on a dry river bed
My childhood came and went
adolescence and youth
too
lovers and moments of
being with you.
I'll never pass this way again.

My children touched my hand
we hugged with
I love you's
I tried to make amends
But we will never pass
this way again.

Like a drunk
coming to
like those last goodbyes with you
like all those words
I've delivered
in attempts to heal the pain
mostly in vain.
I won't be passing through this way again.

I retreat into my dreams
they've never been so vivid
all these wishes
striving goals
sadness laughter too
I won't be passing through
this way again.

The landscape takes on colorful hues
the perfume night
fills with
night blooming Jasmine
and you.
The sand beneath my bare feet
the birds sing
one last look
as your fingertips
slip from mine
and the bus
the plane
the ship
the car
The end of the song
the end of the set
the end of the day
and I am on my way again
but
I've forgotten to say
how much I have loved you

And I won't be passing through
this
way again.

I've been a wanderer
and a poet by trade. ..

There is a cold wind
blowing outside,
into the graying,
an apocalyptic sky

The lamps are lit
The night descends
it comes as it always does
My table is cluttered
with wadded paper
scribblings saying nothing

The hanging question you asked
remains
"What is your heart's desire?"

The light it flickers
Throwing shadows on the wall
So eerie at first,
So familiar after all

Fantasies
Phantasims
Hypnogogic imagery
A trance like state of mind

Many lifetimes pass
None of them mine

What is your heart's desire
It strangles the mind with possibilities
Waiting for the tell,
the tell that might never come.

You asked me
as we left the foggy meadow
"You who speak so highly of the little synchronicites,
But what is your heart's desire? "

I rise with the sun each day
My path laid out before me
I do this and that in order

Each night as the dark descends
The day's vivid light has vanished
I stare into this lamp light
and wonder
what is my heart's desire.