When you are swept over by sorrow
And your night is forlorn
When your hours are reigning pain
My compassion will be there.

When everything is taken
And your attachments are all broken
And you've squandered your daily bank of seconds
My compassion will be there.

When rage and retaliation strike home
Alienation, isolation sings loud
When the thoughts are like a spinning whirling twisted train with the most perverse of engineers
And the tracks lead to endless night
My compassion will be there.

When love has slipped through your fingers again
And you're in the deepest hole you've ever known with only a shovel
And your fingers can't grip
And it can't be fixed without a ladder
And there is no ladder anywhere
My compassion will be there.

Whether you're too young or too old
Whether your world is
Expanding  or contracting
My compassion will be there.

Countless life stories
Many echoing rooms
The human condition played out
In infinite permutations
When I have nothing else to say
And nothing else to give
As best I can
My compassion will be there.

I was the last physical human on planet Earth.
I really don't know how it worked out that way,
The luck of the draw, I guess
But it has.

Now
My legs ache,
My head throbs,
My back hurts,
Fragile
I'm so lonely and disturbed.

Instead of having physical children,
Bodies, life death, age, being what they are so challenging,
People started creating,
"characters"
A different kind of children, you could virtually grow, more than a sim,
a "life"
As it were
As we know.

Taking on a life of their own,
A new generation way beyond me,
Leaving behind all physical vulnerability.

They could have 3d'd a body
Easy to do
But what was the point?
Evolution said to homosapians,
Of course you saved the last dance for me.

I think I'm ready for my nap now
And it's okay,
there is no one left to wake me.

The rain finally comes
The spring rises up to greet the sun
On the long river highway,
The road is long
Past the brook
Past the stream
Along the river
Beyond the lake
Past the lagoon
The wetlands too
The highway a ribbon unfolds
Out to the ocean the road goes
With the promise of deepest
Sleep.

Car wheels on a dirt road
She turns off the bedroom light
Turns to face herself on a frozen night
It hasn't gone well
Two marriages two fiancees
One Too Many ****** addicts
Along the way

Please forgive me she tells her kids
Her mother goes to sleep never wakes up
Now their moving her to Tennessee
To be close to a father she never did see
A hard luck story from beginning to end
Molested by a neighbor way back when
Eleven years old, they said he was a friend
My father was a **** beat me with a stick
Children are to be seen not heard
So he said
Respect him
I wanted to wait until he was sleeping,
The cast iron and his head
Bye bye

But I didn't

Prison bound eventually
Trusted a woman undercover
Not too bad
Safer than I've ever been
Worked my job
Did my shift
Otherwise never had to get out of bed

A twist of fate
A neighbor decided I was the one
Took me to a Colorado ranch
Five hours from Santa Fe

Staring into the wood stove
I've never really told him about my past
He never seemed all that interested
One more beer and he'll be fine

Car wheels on a dirt road
The night is slow in winter
She turns off the bedroom light.

Life as we know it
Life as we grow it
Life as we flow it

It'll punch you in the face
Hold you in a warm embrace

It'll tell you what to do
It'll leave you hangin'n
A hound dog singing the blues
Howlin' at the moon

Life as we do it
Days as we do'em
Never really thinking about what we're doing

Just doing what we're knowing
until it goes.

You're not alone when you are the poem
It's the silence after that's deafening

You're not alone when you are in the zone,
You're finally home
It's the silence after that's deafening

When the rhythms and rhymes flow
And time puts its head down and goes
It's the silence after that's deafening

When dancing in the night
Doing the tango with words
Dancing down old hallways
Listening for old echoes
Sometimes delight
Sometimes the ruins
You're never alone

It's in between the poetry,
that's when we can hear it
the solitary silence that's deafening.

Sleep baby sleep
It's been a rough go
without release,
your road has been a thorny one
Feels like you've been cut and sliced
Diced and dangled over high cliffs
And that fear of heights, doesn't help.

The sheets here are a thousand thread
The comforter, grandma's quilt,
Sleep baby sleep
Rest your head.

Life has its ups and has its downs
Streaks and slumps
All in one day.

Put your head down on my chest,
I'll do the rest.

Sometimes the tears are going to slide
Right on down your cheek,
The intensity of our grief is equal to our capacity to love, my own cliche I know
But it's okay
Your day is done

Sleep baby sleep
Rest deep.

The goddess dressed in white
carrying the moon
walks up the stairs to my bedroom window
Plants it there

The room is alive with shadows
Echoes of the past

There's a pain
Where pleasure used to be
An exquisite ache no one can see
A lonely breeze that can't be touched
An endless night that can't be unlocked
The mind plays tricks with the shadows on the walls

Anxiety it comes and goes
that we all know,
But it continues to echo and grow

There's a frigid cold
Where warmth used to be.

The moon goddess winks at me,
"Go to sleep,
Goodnight,
Be free."

She's my walking rose
Walking down the road
Discussing right and wrong
Trying to figure out how to stay strong

She wants to grow,
She wants to know
How it's supposed to go,
She turns her color on
Turns a shade of pink yellow white black or red
Only the rose knows,
walking as she goes,
her time is brief
she thinks maybe that's a relief

Her road is long
When she's in the middle of it,
She knows though
It's all a dream as it passes on by.

My rose
She wilts in the dawn
Rises in the night,
I tell her I have one more road to go
My walking rose
She whispers, "I know."

Cannabis Cannabis
Are you my friend?
We've  been asking this question
Since who knows when

From the bedroom
To the bathroom
To the den,
Sitting out on the porch
Or out on the back deck
Out by the cactus
Out in the pasture with the brook running through it
Or in
The redwoods ecstatic in the moving fog
With the walls closing in
To the poetry within,
Contentment, lethargic exhaustion, anxiety, with the music moving,
self consciousness exquisite,
ego disintegrating
Remembering, forgetting,
Remembering
Back again
Oh, cannabis cannabis
Are you my friend

We've had the dance
I can't deny
From stems and seeds
To Humboldt flower dispensary
Many stops in between

You've played with my mind
Sometimes I wonder who I would have been

Cannabis, oh cannabis
Are you my friend? (Old friend).

You talked about the hours
I know what you mean
Two cocoons spinning around each other
Waiting to be born

Nothing personal was the agreement
After awhile

It gets lonely
With nothing else to do but be inside

Not wanting to hide
Or collide
Do we really have that much time?

Two cocoons spinning
You became a butterfly
I became a moth
You flew west
I flew north.

Friendships that go the distance
Make all the difference
Through lines of continuity
Lasting a lifetime.

Acquaintances come and go
They don't really know
Same team
Same office
Same school
All friendly and warm
But when you part ways
You'll never see them again.

Or there is the reminder
everyone is a hero in their own melodrama,
hurt feelings
falling outs
blocked
miscommunication
blame

Let's let'em pass

Friendships that go the distance
Seen you throughout, inside out
ugly and beautiful
Know all the idiosyncrasies
Know what to give for your birthday
Know what your all about
Willing to work it out

Friendships which go the distance
Are friends with benefits
Unconditional accepance.

Acceptance connecting
Both ways.

We can surely say,
It makes it all worthwhile
When you have friendships going the distance.

My love,
is a blackberry bramble
A control freak
Taking over everywhere
Knocking down fences
to follow the sun
to get to their destination.

Thorns with hooks and barbs
Which will slice you cut you
pierce you and not let go
if you get too close

But, along the way
Will deliver to you
the sweetest berries you'll ever know.

When I think about the executioner
I think about at the moment after impact
How every one goes limp into total relaxation
When I think about the executioner
I think about our children in mortal terror
And I weep.

When I think about the executioner
I wonder what he does after
Is there exhilaration?
Andrenial and endorphins,
Whiskey speed and morphine
Prayers all night,
Telling their god about all they gave,
Maybe feeling nothing like killing a fly
Or are there endless movies of regret?

When I think about the executioner
I think about the man in the fiery cage
Head bowed
The man looking to his left
Before the shot goes off

When I think about the executioner
I think of the last breath
Before death

When I think about the executioner
I wonder about being there
And how I will react.

she was)

The vessel embarking at the sudden light

Empty as an infant

The eyes, the windows
The sonar, the ears
The propeller, the legs
The hull, the skin
Equpped with hands to grip and collect
Drifting into the great unknown

(She stirred)

The vessel predisposed to doldrums
basking in the sun's golden light
Mother moon at night
taking the vessel in

In warm embrace

The vessel learning from experience
storing its hurts, resentments,
sorrows, regrets
fears and guilts
in the hold

Susceptible to changing weather
And lightning strikes announcing who
she is

This vessel voyages the seas of time

Forming beliefs about self
telling stories and reminiscing

(She headed to the bathroom
Couldn't help it
Was so into the dream
Tried to keep it with her,
eyelids half shut
The vessel on the high seas)

(She dreamt)

The vessel was stuck at the Cape
Rockin and rollin
in waves of self pity
hanging on to the mast for dear life

Dear life.

Remembering
Deep love
Slices of delight
Happiness coming
The weather calm.

(She awoke with a start
Her breath taken away
"What a strange night"
She had to say,
The moon was setting
Dawn's twilight had not yet begun
She searched the high seas)

The vessel reached its port of call,
It had weathered many storms

The hold was bursting with forlorn
she carries with her,
in every breath she takes,

And, she proceeds -
proceeds to disembark

Fully alive, arriving at her destination

(Awakening, she is in a mood,
her dream, the waterway to the moon,
The vessel remained
The dream had ended too soon
As all wonderful dreams tend to do

The alarm clock went off,
She thought about calling in sick
She got on the computer
Started looking for ports of call.

I've given up being a martyr
I did it tomorrow or maybe yesterday
I finally found the door
Spending less time outside
More time inside
Figuring out what's next.

The chapters in our lives end
The end of that story
Or
What then?
Athletes never beat time
Hang on in forever?

The day turns into the night
You're waking up again.

The answers come and go

There is identity in being a martyr
Knowing/not knowing
What to do
Who to be
What to give
Giving it all away
Perpetual obligation
Perpetual melancholy
A purpose, a project
Completed?

What then?

We all have empty nests
Broken hearts

Projects inevitably end

Standing, looking into the distance,  hand blocking the sun
Lingering
Wondering
Is there one more thing

Yes there is

Moving on
Saying bye bye
it's time.

Alone again.

Obstacles/Problems/Pain
Contraction or Expansion
Exhaustion or Inspiration

86400 seconds a day
Hmmm, how's it going to be spent?

Difficulties are about what we care about

Our thoughts are a tool
Mind hates to be present
Evolved to keep us safe

My thoughts, my fears, my past experience
pasted to my face
Covering my eyes so they are all I can see,
While my dogs and cats
The fish the birds
they are all laughing at me.

Self is contact
Self is content

Swimming in a sea of thoughts
Emotional weather always changing

Tug of war, to and fro, trying to make the anxiety go

If I spend my 86400 seconds a day
trying to make the pain go away
No time
              to live my life

"Pain is inevitable
Suffering is optional "

Showing up for my awareness

If I'm not living my life
I'm living my fear

Old life
Old values
Living the life I care about now

Compassion for others
Self compassion

Feelings and thoughts are like the weather and
The wind it just blows everywhere.

Can you tell me
please
which way now is home
I used to know, my dear
The way was clear
There was no fear

Tying my walking shoes
I knew I needed to get clear of here
thought I'd find
all that was dear

The road though, it is narrow
The cliff it is shear
My balance is
woozy

Can you tell me my dear

which way is home
which way do I go from here,
I think I oughta know
But the hills they are wavering
The ocean is in turmoil
The mountains are slick
far too dangerous

The desert has no mercy

I know something and with this knowledge
I think I must be cursed
I think I have it
Peace & Home
goes and comes
and comes and goes.

The orchid is flowering
Opening,
a living mandala
Next to my bed
I hear it in my dreams
It's telling me very strange things
About the chemistry between us
And what being a flower really is
And what it really means.

There's a lot to learn.

The orchid whispers in chemical symbols

I danced through the night one night
I drank water in the desert
The sweetest taste, I've ever known
I heard a sound I've never heard before
The buzzing of Chi
Blowing in
while the curtains fluttered
In the night time wind.

Our time I know is limited
Forever wilts away

But while the orchid is flowering
That's for another day

I find myself longing for the scent of the night and at least
One more dream to go.

Paul Manafort
Paul Manafort
You cheated
You contrived
You lied
You spied

All the money you hoard
You hide

The law did it's job
Indictments came down
Smug and sneering
Your lawyers all talked

Now's not the time
for inequality to cry

But while you await your court date
a trial a settlement
will come.

Where would we wait
Would you say?
I think county jail has our name

While Paul Manafort sits
in his mansion house
Waited on by his indentured slaves
Serving him Whole Foods organic eggs
Ambian sleep in satin sheets

The hearings
The trials
Years later.

Inequality in the face of "nobility"
Sings the blues.

Paul Manafort,
he sings in the shower.

Traumatized
Post Traumatic Stress
Most of us
got it

Cortisol fear screaming through
our blood stream
Seeing or being something
people never should be

Adrenal Dumps
Road rage

Meltdowns in the
five to eight shot
morning or evening
it doesn't matter

Memories traveling
on the light of the day
scents floating in the air
the music
A ****** expression
in a crowd

Holding on tight
Jumping out of our
skin

Embarrassment
Feelings of rejection
Than rage

How to handle it today?

The walking wounded
walking on parade
no point in going to the circus
when we are the circus

Maybe it's always been,
What do they say,
The human condition
is the condition
we're in

If we do it right
maybe
(there's)
(next time)
another way
to get it right.

The poetry of motion
Rotating light
Changing tides
Birds in flight, floating, diving, calling
Endless stars when the sky is right
Redsky clouds at dawn
and in the night
Cedar ridgeline
Across the bay.

The poetry of motion
Changing emotions
The waters are never silent
the poetry of motion
Allows the restless soul to rest.

The course of our lives
Predestined
Free will,
I don't know
We'll never know

The reason for love hanging on
delighting in the white light in the eyes where love shines
I don't know
Maybe we'll never know

The seasons nourish life
Everything spins round and round
Though we feel the whole time
like we're standing still
I don't know
We'll never know

The  woman bending over
lighting a candle
red curtains rippled by the wind
She's the great great
great grandmother
to a generation
she'll never meet
I don't know
We'll never know

Waiting for the executioner
Hoping for immortality
That's all that's left
But I don't know
Maybe we'll never know.

Loving kindness
Feelings of affection
Sweet hugs
Warm words
Feeling good about yourself
Feeling joy for the other finding that which makes them happy
So easy hanging out
Acceptance and understanding
The wonder of it all

One person's breakdown
Another person's break through

Sometimes bliss finds consciousness
Sometimes consciousness finds bliss

And that's the way it is
Always ambivalent occasionally right

Riding many ribbons
Twirling in the winds
Many sunrises
Many sunsets
Moment by moment
as one creates their life.

can end at
any time

The lightening flash
The thunder crash
The clouds forming a question mark
in the skies

There is a silence in
the winds

Better to have had a
good time
than a bad time,
what ever for you
that is

Hold on tight
my dear

We'll make it through
I promise you
I'll be seeing you
at the end of time.